On Father's Day..

I think for a girl, there is no better prince charming than her Father. 

And, for me, I had the chance to be around four such amazing fathers. 

One was my grandfather. 

The one person, who was the epitome humility, love and kindness. THE one person in my life, who I really would fight to keep all to me. I miss him. 

And on days when I am in dilemma, and need guidance, I try really hard to think as to what wisdom would he have imparted me. 

Second was my tayaji, my father's elder brother, who taught us how to live life king size. To love with everything that you have. To celebrate life. come what may. 

I spent first 15 years of my life more with him than with my own father. He left us too young. But left us with memories that shall live in me for the entirety of my life. 

Third is my Uncle D, my fufa ji, we were and still are a little intimidated by him, and when he was in the US of A, we hardly saw him for more than a couple of days at a stretch in maybe once in two odd years, and then too, we were mostly interested in playing with our cousins than spend time with him. But, from the time that he has moved to India, and from the time, I finally started talking to him, I am in awe of that man. He is fun. He is serious. He loves to travel, and loves to take us out for coffees. I have not seen a man, who retired at a young age, so that he can help my Bua pursue her career. He takes care of the house. He flirts with my mom, and he hosted my mehndi ceremony, and has pampered me to bits. We don't have much in common to talk about, but, never have I seen him shying away from trying something new, from adapting to the world around him, and lighting up the room with his amazing cooking and personality. 

And, lastly, there is my Dad. 

More than anything else, leaving him behind to start anew, pains me to bits. Like I used to feel the pain when I wanted to with the hubby, I feel that same physical pain and pinning for him. Everyday. There is just so much love that he has, that, with open arms he has embraced me being in a different city. Even though, he jests about it. I know, had it been how he would have wanted, I would have been within 100 yards of him every day of his life. 

Even though, it is said that, the Kanyadaan means that there is the hand of your husband to hold on for the rest of your life, for me, my Father will always , always be that guiding light. My hero. I have not really rebelled him or his rules. I never could. Somehow, everytime I hurt his feelings by any action direct or ancillary.. it hurt me from within. I am strong, for him and because of him. And whatever little sensibility that I have, it is because of his genes. 

If there is any man who is perfect.. as a Son, as a Husband and as a Father, then that is him. I don't know from where does he get his strength to be the person who he is, but if I can be 1% of that person, then, I know that I have achieved something more than the materialistic aspirations of my life. 

And, if at all, I can hope for something is, that whenever we have kids, my husband becomes a father, like how mine is. 

Oh Gosh, sitting in a different city and continent (my parents are travelling), I would just give anything to go and hug him now. Love you, Papa. You truly are THE BESTEST.   

And to all the wonderful Dads around the world.. I am sure you are as wonderful and amazing to your kids... :) Happy Father's Day..

Rediscovering Blogger

And now I have an app for blogger on my phone :) 
That means I am going to atleast post more often :)

May-Day!

The entire month of May has (almost) gone, without me posting a single post.
If I say that I have been meaning to write, that would sound like an excuse to you, but for me that is the fact.. that I have been meaning to write. About what, that I don't know.

The social issues. The emotional issues. The relationships, the dynamics, and the changes.
Life in general, and life specifically fucking me over and over again.

I am coping. Pretty well.
Taking the help that is required to cope in such scenarios.

I miss being in Delhi, where the heat kills you, and not the humidity.
I miss being Delhi because of lack of doing anything better. I have no friends.
The brothers shall move out of the city by the end of summers. And, then, the moral support shall be gone too.

My best friend got lost somewhere, when he turned into my husband, and I am trying to find him.

Also, looking for the happily ever after.. any address?

Message..

Hey Fellow bloggers,

I am reading all the blogs.. but the IT policy makes it a pain in the ass to post comments. Will try and comment soon.

Love,
Me


PS: Too many things to share.
Hope to update soon :)

Just observations..questions and randomness

I wanted to give a prologue to this post, but then I typed and deleted content.. wondering how to start a conversation.. so, there is no prologue.. just random observations, questions and randomness in general... (I have too many things to say, to talk about.. but well, just can't seem to turn them into full fledged posts, so, just posting a couple of things that I have been thinking about lately..)

• So, I realised that, I am not too fond of change. (This realization should have dawned to me when I moved   to Mumbai, unfortunately, I am a slow kind of person). Or maybe, too many changes are happening, and I am unable grasp the situations and things that are changing. The change not only being tangible in nature, but also otherwise. I think, I look like a lost puppy even when there is a change in relationship dynamics caused by third party influences or sources or for that matter by a third party altogether. Like for example, I am sitting here in Mumbai, while BFF is getting prepped up for her upcoming wedding, and if at all I don't talk to her (either on FB, phone, or whatsapp..) I feel as if I am not being a good friend, and even worse are the times when I message her and there is no reply. If there is no reply, then I feel as I have done something stupid to offend her.. without realising that she may actually be busy. Busy with her Fiance, or her new family or just in office. I feel so much like an outsider in her life all of a sudden, just because I am in a different city, that I am left in anxiety. *Someone, something, put some sense back in me.. *

• I met this head of HR a couple of weeks of back, and it was fun chatting with this guy. He told me that he belongs to a small town and moved to Mumbai about 40 years back and still doesn't considers Mumbai as his home. When I told him that I am from Delhi and I recently moved to Mumbai, he said, I can understand that being in Mumbai would give you a cultural shock (This, when Delhi doesn't come in the category of a "small town" [no offence to anyone]) and I gave a confused smile back.. to which he replied, that "Mumbai is very mechanical" and that somehow he just can't digest that fact, because in his hometown, everything was different. To which I had to agree, that Mumbai indeed is very mechanical and superficial (in a lot of ways). And then came the shocker, when he said "I hope that you don't become a Mumbaite".. to which I replied "I have 26 years of hard core Delhi in me, being a Mumbaite will take quite a while, if at all that would happen". (Why this HR person is important, you all shall know, in due course). Nevertheless, the conversation left me uneasy about being in a city where emotions are superficial, time is a quantity that is rare, and travelling is nothing but a monotonous routine. And every time I think of this conversation, that scene from Munnabhai MBBS, when Sunil Dutt comes to Mumbai and a thief picks his pocket and he catches him, and how he threatens the thief to hand him over to the "Frustrated Mumbai Public" flashes before my eyes. Somehow, howsoever hard I try, Mumbai can't be home. And, well, I found a sorta of an explanation of my thought process in a blog post , which you can check out here---> "What is home in a connected age? "

• Did I tell you about my new friend? The one who I met while trying to tell help her find a train to her house, which is like 5 minutes from my house.. So, she has been my lifeline in a friendless Mumbai. She and I work also 5 mins away from each other and try to go back together. So, the other day we sat and had coffee.. and just chatted away to glory and then she showed me around the local market. The way she was talking to the shop keepers, reminded me of how I was when I was in Delhi. Well, she is like me in lot of ways. Actually, I see the carefree and the bubbly me in her :) .. gives me a feel good factor and at the same time a lump forms in my throat. 

• We threw our first ever "House- Party" on the 4th Month Anniversary, it was a huge deal for both Hubby and me, and we succeeded. :D Now, I really hope that I can call the family over soon :) 

• The Office both in Delhi & Mumbai has been in the buzz buzz mode, amongst my friends in Delhi, MAG has quit. So, that takes the count to 7 in the Delhi office. The promotions that were announced last Friday left a lot to be desired. And, that means, a lot more resignations are on their way. MDR was promoted again this year. SNM wasn't. And, that is really really a bad thing, because, a chappy, much junior to SNM, was promoted as a Senior Associate and he with 5+ years in experience has not been promoted. It is a huge hit to his self-esteem. Oh, and adding to the misery is the fact that the raises are not happening for the next 3 months. Also, the rumor has it that PC is looking out too, to move out. If that happens, then the Firm is gonna lose out on great talent. 

• I am going to Delhi.. alas just for 3 days, with the Hubby this time. And, I can't wait to be home, and meet my friends. Especially, the BFF and the girls from office :). 

• So, one day in the shower, this thought stuck me.. (the reason being the "Havell's" advertisement), that it is so difficult for the husband to understand that the wife wants to go as often as possible to her mum's house.Without offending anyone, I just want to say- That when it comes to the husband, it is very difficult for him make a decision to leave behind his parents and move to a different house (after shaadi, assuming that they stay in the same house after shaadi ), even more when it is the house where the husband has grown up.. similarly, when a a girl comes to the new house, one can't expect her to not be attached to her childhood memories and to the place where she has grown up, a place, which has made her what she is today. Even though, Husbands make fun of the wives running off to her own house often, and also enjoy the freedom, a lil understanding of this thought, will make em a lil more emphatic towards the wife and will also give a new dimension to the relationship.  

See, too many thoughts criss-crossing the mind.. some which have absolutely no sense at all.. the thing about life they say is, that it moves on :) 

So, lets hope that my mind clears and I have full fledged thoughts to put down in a post. 

Cheers till then :) 

 

First Quarter ..up..

April is already here. And oh boy, three months of the newest year are already over.
(I think every time April arrives, this exclamation of the fact that so much time elapsed invariably comes to our mind).

So, Holi came and went. It was the first Holi after shaadi, a rather mundane and forgettable affair that was. And a lot of changes are under-way, in life, in attitudes and being the person who I am.

Will update you all, soon.

Till then enjoy the heat :)

A tale of two girls

They were born 5 months apart.
In the same family but to different mothers.
They were polar opposites.
One was the dark beauty, the other a lil fair. One was an absolute extrovert and the other an introvert.
But they both had long black hair that reached below their waist.
They were in the same school, from the day that they started their education. In kindergarden, because they wanted new bags, they tore each others..
Not a festival or a birthday went by, without them being together.
They were "first cousins", but one look by a stranger, and they would assume that the girls are twins. Inseparable.

They both hated the fact that they were always protected. So at the age of 12, they decided that they would elope to South America as soon as they turned 18, and live with the freedom that they always desired.
At 15, things changed. Sorrow touched their soul.
At 16, the sorrow hit them again. This time at the magnitude that one cannot even imagine.
And finally, once the heart began settle, and come out of the sadness that they recieved, they decided once again to follow the dreams of their freedom. Of the shackles that the family had tied them into.
They changed their aims and their dreams, so that they could just be themselves and chase happiness over the family pressures of having a mundane and a usual career. The 17th year was finally the one where they were going to put their foot down, and finally live a life that they had dreamnt of together.
South America seemed a far away dream, but a hostel around the university seemed viable.
As they waited for their 12th Standard result, the plans of being independent were discussed in hushed tones and excited voices.
And then maybe a week before the results, one of them vanished. Left. Leaving the other in a lurch. In pain, and in utter disbelief that the one who she shared her soul with could break the promise that she had made.
The one left  behind looked for clues, re played the events of the night of the disappearance, wondering what went wrong. But, she had no way of finding the truth. The answers were hid. The questions buried and the family just increased the protection for the one left behind. The fence, while allowed her to breathe, was no longer her interest. She was left alone to fend for her freedom, and she did have the courage to break hearts of the people who were already crushed under the disappearing act of one of the two.
The one left behind, still looks for answers. Still cluthches to the hope that one day, her soul-mate, her sister, her friend and her confidant will come back and tell her that, she needed her space to sort her mind, and that she is back to take the other one away.