Tuesday, August 5, 2008

How to fulfill the Promise of Love??

Last night was probably the most important night in terms of my relationship with Shayon.

Life is not easy when you are in a long distance relationship. Numerous discussions in the last few posts have been talking about that.... But ultimately Ellie, Ms. Footloose Doll, Shayon n I agreed to the fact that even if takes all that you have.... we all know why we are in this relationship. And that the wait to be together is worth all the sleepless nights when you actually fall into your loved ones arms and forget everything that you have been through.

But, then, how so ever hard you try there are times when you just cant take it anymore... there are times when at the end of the day... you just want the person you love in the vicinity... its not fair that when you need the one you love the most he/she is not around.... and there is nothing that you can do about it. Because you know that as much as you want that person to be around its vise versa too...!!!

The level of frustration of being apart was even worse last night when Shayon poured his heart out me about the fact that he is having a tough time not having me around...!!! Things for him are also falling apart... he still has his job but his college people apparently love him so much that they just cant let him go. He is in Tatanagar because hi professors wont pass him in a subject that really doesn't matter.... its their Ego that is preventing them from doing that. (The sanctity of being a teacher has stooped this low...!!!) and this is the time that he needs me the most. Not only that even in mumbai after a hard days work... he is pretty much on his own accessing wi-fi from a mall...
Its not just him that wants me there, I too have been dying to go there... but apparently fate...destiny etc etc... dont really want that....

After his outburst last night, I was aghast... and my normal soothing self where I reassure him that everything is going to be ok.... broke down. My personal vow to be strong..because out of two of us...one of us has to be strong. I lost all my composure and at 2.30 in the morning I was crying wondering whether all my reassurances have gone in vain and if this year I will ever get to see him...
In that I moment I promised Shayon that come what may...I will put everything that I have in finding a way so that we two may get together and meet...

But, in the morning.... the fear and the vulnerability is back.... I am almost 22, but I still don't have a job that is paying me... and my parents dont know about my LDR. (Even if they knew about it... it wouldn't have helped... I would get into more trouble...)

I have made a promise because, our relationship has seen the time when we did not have a single penny in our pockets, and the STD rates being 3.50 a minute and we still managed to scrounge some money and talk to each other..... no net connection but still managing to email each other... we have been through a phase where our mutual trust in each other and the commitment of love towards each other has thrown away mis understanding helping us cross the bridge one step at a time. Yes, there have been temptations... and not one... but many...not for him but for me either...
Together we have defied odds of our relationship surviving more than a few months. We have shut up all the skeptics....
In a world where there is use and throw... we have managed to respect each others decisions...
Its on this that I have made a promise...

I trust my love... my God who made our Destiny collide...and let it stay that way. I have made a promise for that...
All I want is a sincere opportunity to fulfill this promise.

4 comments:

The Footloose Doll said...

I know that words are never enough, but sweetheart, I hope and wish and pray that you two conquer all this and end up together. The phases of frustration do come and pass. You two will end up closer than ever. Dont worry, things will work out.

All the best. :) *hugs*

Sakshi said...

Thanks for the re assurance... but its more frustrating because despite the fact that you are trying so hard...things are not falling in place. It feels like a palace of cards... lil wind scattering your entire effort into vain...!!!

The Footloose Doll said...

It feels like a palace of cards... lil wind scattering your entire effort into vain...

If it's any consolation, you are just SO good with words. :)
BTW, I know that feeling and all that blah about how when you'll finally come together, all that you endured will be nullified. It's not as easy as it sounds, but then who told us that love would be easy?

Sakshi said...

wow... that is nice compliment... the credit of which goes to my boyfriend, he is professional blogger..and he taught me to convert feelings in words.

I know love is not easy... but then the good things in life hardly come cheap...!!!

N I like your thoughts too...!!!