Whats that peeking out from behind the curtain??

It is exactly a week from my birthday.

I finished my internship at FML yesterday. Finally.

The only good thing that I got out of the internship was maybe a sense of the world that- You can not always get everything. And you may have to compromise on somethings. You cannot have a great a job... great salary and great people. Something is normally amiss. But- who says that you cannot strive for perfection... being the human specie that we are- We are always striving for perfection.

The other good thing that happened is that I finally met Shayon. Even though the time we were alone was limited to the auto ride back home. Shayon was with a friend... our friend... and I had been wanting to meet him as well... so, the coffee was with our friend with us and the auto ride back was great fun... and daring... coz- Shayon like dropped me off all the way home. Not on the main road or anything... but right in front of my house.

And I have realised- that I am totally head over heals in love with my boyfriend. PERIOD.

The only thing that I have not been able to figure out is- that I why and how do I get all cold whenever anyone including Shayon and me talk about talking about 'us' to my parents. I am so scared that I won't be able to take that no.

I am so scared.

I know I have to face them- One day. But- I just don't know how to cushion the punch... (PUN totally intended...)

But, then there is a little hope... a tiny little voice in my head/heart... that tells me that it will work out...

And today, after I have finished one more internship and am just a week away from another birthday... I can see something peeking out from behind the curtains of life... I may be looking at the future that is waiting to be unveiled- good or bad- That time will tell.

But right now- at this instant- I am asking life... Whats next??

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randomly speaking.....

To know or not to know... to go with the flow... plan out... or wait for the next ball that life throws at you...?? Do you know what is it that you want from life... No, I don't.

To my darling soul sisters...

I could never think, that I would meet my soul sisters in this blog world... and that too not one... it is so wonderful to know that there is someone out there who thinks like you.. if not think like you, doesn't judge you because you smoke, you drink.. and because you are you.

The only thing that makes me sad, is when someone hurts them.. (its mostly guys, who we happen to fall in love with... )

Today, I came across this quote.. and realised that I have to post it here... so that whenever our heart aches.. we read this and re instill our faith in the four letter word called- Love-

Watching you walk out of my life hasn't made me bitter or cynical about love, but rather, it has shown me that if I wanted so badly to be with the wrong person, how beautiful it will be when the right one comes along..!!

Once they were called God...

Swine flu is gripping the world.

What started in Mexico, has reached the epidemic pro potions in a matter of months. WHO and all the governments world over are trying their best to curb this epidemic.

The flu has come to India. So much so- Mumbai was actually shut down for a week so that- the spread of the deadly virus could be curbed. Everyday without fail, there is news of more and more deaths, both at home and abroad grips you with fear whenever you step out of the house. And as the toll reached 64 today with 5 more people succumbing to the deadly virus- I came across this news article... which talks about how Maharashtra Doctors are threatening to go on a strike yet again if their demands of pay rise are not met.

There was a time- when doctors were regarded next to GOD.. because they had the capability of saving a person's life.

It was their moral duty.

But, today after reading that article- I am sitting and wondering, that what happened to the moral and the social responsibility that the doctors have? Where has the nobility of this humble profession gone?

In a time like this- when, every day, throngs of people are coming to the government hospitals fearing their life from common cold and flu like symptoms... the Resident doctors are more worried about their pay...??

How can their conscience allow of such selfish nature... they are supposed to be doctors...

But- I guess.. when the medical seats are sold off to the highest bidders in our country... what more can be expected.

I feel sorry for myself when I think about the medical conditions in our country. After all, I the part of the Mango people... who are always at the receiving end...when will we really stand up and fight...??

What does me do??

Its a little less than 2 weeks for my birthday.

And my parents have started bugging me.

And can you believe, the best that they came up with is sending me (OPERATIVE WORD) to a movie with my best friend on my younger sister and then join us for dinner. HOW IMAGINATIVE...!!!!

And well sending me is just adding fuel to the fire, because, hello- I am going to turn 23. Their attitude is not helping me.

And, whenever I talk about- Guys, my birthday is on a saturday night- I should be doing something which marks it as a saturday night- I get that look from them... which cruelly reminds me that I am a girl... so, here I am, feeling cranky and getting the stress related headaches again... coz- I truly was excited about my birthday... but I guess, that is not to happen.

This is so stupid. And, I am feeling sad again.

Therefore- I do not want ANYONE to wish me on my birthday.

I want it to just go by, like any other day.

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Random thought... if happiness were a fruit.. what would you want it to be??

ABC of the Tag...oops- The ABC tag..!!!

I picked up this tag from MISS M's blog. Basically this is called the ABC tag, and it would be lovely if... all of you pick it up. I don't want to specifically name anyone because, it would really hurt me if the tagged person does not do the tag.

A – Available/Single?

Neither, for the past 4.5 years.

B – Best friend?

My best friend forever is Priyam, we have been friends for like forever. And recently I have made lots of new friends which include Moo, Kashvi, D.O., Ki... who have been absolute sweethearts and their presence re assures me that I will have some girlfriends to give me a bachelorette party.. ;)

C – Cake or Pie?

I love the Apple Crumble Pie and Chocolate Cake... so I guess that it would be both.

D – Drink of choice?

On a normal day cold coffee, on a drinking partying day/night- Vodka.. with or without anything. And yeah- My latest fetish- Diet Coke.

E – Essential item you use every day?

I guess that would be a toilet paper.. ahem for the obvious reasons. Even though I agree with Miss M, that a bra fits the bill too.

F – Favorite colour?

Hmmmm, lots actually, but my wardrobe is very green and yellow. And lots of black and white (Demands of the profession... but I love em nonetheless... )

G – Gummy Bears Or Worms?

None...!!!

H – Hometown?

Dil waalon ki Delhi...!!!

I – Indulgence?

Chocolates. And more of them. I have chocolates all over my house. Apart from the usual places like kitchen cupboards and fridge.. you can fined a chocolate in my wardrobe too and in my book almirah too...!!!

J – January or February?

Feburary- I totally love this month, coz, the weather is great. The month is small- therefore you et paid for working the whole month when your actually working 2-3 days less and it is the month of love.. I got hooked in this month... so yeah Feburary it is.

K – Kids & their names?

Two for sure- names- ahem, aint that a weeeee bit tooooo early to disclose that of all the things..

L – Life is incomplete without?

Great food.. great people and above being happy.

M – Marriage date?

DUNNO!!! How about- I answer this question when I get the cards printed, if at all I do get married that is.

N – Name? Your real name!!

DUHU!! If you don't my name after visiting my blog.. then you should not it probably.

O – Oranges or Apples?

I hate being choosy. BOTH.

Here is something really quirky- An apple a day keeps the doctor away, but if the doctor is good looking, then keep the apple away..!!! :P

P – Phobias/Fears?

Insects. Anything that comes under that specie. I ABHOR THEM.

Q – Quote for today?

Hardwork doesn't kill... but why take a chance...

R – Reason to smile?

Getting up in the morning in a cottage at the beach in the arms of the one I love.(I am way too cheesy...)

S – Season?

Spring in Delhi- Feburary to March and October- November... The best time to be in Delhi.

T – Tag 3 People?

I am not naming any one at all. Like I said- it hurts me when they don't pick it up.

U – Unknown fact about me?

Whenever I get really angry- I loose control and I start crying. (WHY??)

V – Vegetable you don’t like?

Anything that is green and that is healthy. (Yeah- I am yet to grow up)

W – Worst habit?

Getting really irritated when I should be patient.. and spaeking without thinking.

X – X-rays?

Twice- Once of my jaw when I fell and broke my teeth and second time when I was hit by a bike 3 years back, that was the X ray of my right leg.

Y – Your favorite food?

Arhar dal and rice.

Z – Zodiac sign?

Virgo (My birthday is coming up sooon)

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Random thought- why is it that even in a room full of crowded people we often end up feeling lonely??

How long is too long.. how short is too short? This and the vacation...

It is so much of fun bunking office especially to start your vacation a day early. Yup, that is what I did. The long weekend that was starting on the 14th for the rest started for me on the 13th when Me and my sister boarded the Shatabdi express to Chandigarh.

The train was great.. its like the kingfisher of Indian railways...what with the lovely food and all. I only complain as, why is it that I never meet cute stranger on train/plane journeys?? DAMN the movies.. they lie about beautiful coincidences.. I am gonna sue them.

Chandigarh was great fun. It was at my Mom's youngest brothers' house. He has two adorable children who are so much of crazy fun.... and they have a Japanese spitz too... so that just added to the charm. There was nothing touristy about the holiday- the only place that we actually went was Sukhna lake (its a man made lake) and it reminds of bandstand... minus the Mumbai crowd. Rest of the three days were spent eating.. and more of that. Shopping was minimal (yup- you read that right) Though I saw the shopping centers i.e sector 17 and 22 of Chandigarh.

But you know, what was THE best part about the whole trip- One random phone call to Kashvi. I dunno, why I did that- especially on roaming- and I heard her ever so infectious laugh..and giggles.. and that made me really happy.

The journey back was usual- toned down. But- In Indian railways excitement doesn't seize to end.. sis and I were in the second row. The front row there was a woman with her two grown up boys and too much of luggage, they were visiting India from some foreign land.. basically desi-videshi.. and as soon as we entered Delhi, the train slowed... and some random guy boarded the train, opened the door very little and nicked their hand bag in flick of a second... it took us atleat 10 seconds to realise that chori hui hai... and another 20 to pull the chain. Thank heaven's the hand bag only had night clothes.. and 5 mins before this had happened the lady took her purse in her hands for safe keeping...phew...and that is how we reached back.

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That very night when we returned to Delhi, Shayon and talked. No not that we don't talk everyday.. but ne way...

Shayon is really soo tired of this whole scenario, when despite the fact that we stay in the same city it becomes so difficult to meet each other .

And now, that the year is almost going to come to an end- and soon it will be time for him to move back to Mumbai... how the hell are we gonna cope up?? Above all- he said something that is gonna remained etched in my memory forever he said-

"Jaanu, I know, that I can't live without you"

It sounds cheesy and all.. but it is like so sweet.

So, he generally talked about this with his flat mate... and well, his flat mate outrightly suggested that we should get married, especially now that we have been dating with each other sooo long. And well... yeah that is about it.

It has become even more scary now- what with the whole equation being constantly changing.. and Shayon and I trying to fix it up, by making both of us constants...

Its becoming way too much to balance the 'practicalities' with the spontaneity called love.

Few of the questions in this beam balance are..

1. Is being in a relationship for 4.years so long a time that we rush into legalizing it?

2. Is the same time period too short to say anything about the long term future?

(even though we both know- there is no future minus each other)

3. What if despite everything, I do not land up in the same city as Shayon next year??

4. What if, he decides on a few different moves related to hi career?

There are enough what iffffs already in the equations... only thing that I know and I know that he knows is that We both just cannot live without each other. PERIOD.

But, this is not helping solve the problems.. at all..!!!

It is just making the labyrinth more tedious.

What to do??

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Randomly speaking... have you ever wondered where to all the lost things go?? Especially the ones that you never seem to find??

Chick- Lit, oiled hair and bizarre decisions...

'How Opal Mehta got kissed, got wild and got a life' totally sucks. PERIOD. I can totally understand why it feels so repetitive, even though I have not really read the original from which this book is ripped. There is a sense of deja vu, as you flip pages... and it is really nothing more than your average american high school drama (damn- disney's high school musical was also better) but, the book has its funny moments and silly ones too.

I read it because of the curiosity and the whole hullabaloo that surrounded it.

But one thing that the book really did for me was, stir up a new found curiosity towards Harvard... and in a total bizarre twist of mind... I actually started to apply to colleges for a Masters in law for next year. No, please, don't ask me why this sudden decision.. I have just started with the process- I just hope that I make it to the deadlines, and actually apply.

No- I am still as confused as ever about my life after graduating in Law- This LL.M thing was totally random.

God, Help me!!!

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Totally random: I oiled my hair after ages tonight, and pulled them into two tight chotis (pigtails) and as I looked at my reflection in the mirror- I did a double take, because I looked exactly like what I used to 10 years back, when I used to go to school in two chotis and how the only thing worried me at that time was- the school exam result in the otherwise carefree... perfect life.

It feels weird to grow up and even weirder to actually feel the time gap between the past and the present so clearly.

FML

You have all heard of that little book titled fmylife?? the one where people have shared the moments when they feel that their life is fucked...??

Well-

FML also happens to be the name of the law firm that I am presently interning at.

And trust me-

Right now- FML= Fuck my life- MERCILESSLY.

Its one of India's biggest law firms and it is the oldest also. But instead of charming me into working really hard to get a Preplacement Offer, they are making sure that, the 4 weeks that I spend there are the worst nigh mare of any intern.

The swanky two buildings with four floors each at FM house (Yeah they have their OWN property) take your breath away as you enter their reception and see the numerous awards and the fish aquarium.

But as soon as you go beyond the reception into the real firm, you realise, its full of arrogant associates who do not give a damn.

AND that is what irks me the most. Even at D & D last year, I came across the arrogance of silly associates, but then, the saving grace was, that atleast they were vain in a nicer way.

Here at FML, you are anyway not allowed to have coffee at your own leisure... coz you are an intern. They don't even have glasses next to their water dispensers.

The lunch is on the house. (that IS the only good thing) but then when we do get to have coffee we (because we are interns) have to wash our coffee mugs also.

So you can imagine...the horror.

The work though is good- it is challenging. But then again the way the associates treat you... you feel like shit. And that is what i don't like.

The distance is also a factor- the firm being in Noida, it becomes an issue to just get an auto back home.

Being such a huge organization- they do not have enough computers for the inters. Just two computers for the interns. And, if you have your own lappy, good for you, else work suffers.

It is when I am in these swanky law firms and see the way you are made to slogged off... even as junior associates that makes me think, that after graduating next year, will I be able to handle the pressure?

What should I really be doing???

DAMN!!!! I hate this. Just waiting for the four weeks to get over.

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In the other FML- Shayon is going to Mumbai during the week when its my birthday. I was hoping that this time round in over a decade, I might just have a nicer birthday where i could freak out etc... but NO!! My birthday is bound to be the depressor of the year.

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Totally Random- Why can't India get the Kohinoor Diamond back from the English Monarch??

Happy Friendships Day...

I have no cheesy quotes.

No literary expressions.

I am just going to wish you all a very Happy Friendships Day.

This year for the first time in a long long time, I feel an urge to go out and select a friendship's band and give it to all my friends.

Yeah, this year, I have made a lot of friends. And they are very nice. They have re instilled my faith in the fact that- There are people in this world who are not mean and who still make friends just to make friends.

Thank you-

D.O., Kashvi, Ki, MOO, Gakash... and Chandu... Roop... You all have given me a new lease.. not just by the way you write but also by the way you perceive life. Each of you with your own experience has enriched me...

Happy Friendships Day..

Love you...

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In other news- Please go watch Love Aaj Kal. Its BEAUTIFULLY made. Ofcourse not as peppy as Jab we Met. But surely, a much more refreshing take on how love and friendships develop in this ' Practical' world.

I loved the way Imtiaz has treated the story. Its beautiful.

The movie has its moments. The ones that make you reflect on your life.

The ones that make you realise- That how important is it to recognize love and to fulfill its destiny right here right now in this life, because we are just 'aam junta-the mango people' and not lovers who were never destined to be together.

Watch it and tell me if you liked it.