In Conversation with the Moon

The sun sinks low,
sighing into the oblivion,
of the night,
and He rises,
In the sky, all charm..
flanked by his beauties,
twinkling like diamond and rubies..

I creep out into his light,
look up and give him,
a smile..
close my eyes, I murmur,
open them again,
reflecting his glow.

He is no more the maternal uncle,
of the childhood rhymes,
he is now,
a friend, a confidant,
a symbol of the distance,
between me and my love,
and the only thing in common,
and tangible between love and me..

He raises an eyebrow,
fluffs up his clouds..
So my darling, he says to me,
what is that we talk today?

I laugh at him,
go on my toes... reach out,
with my hands...
first go and kiss him for me,
I say...
and sit down to have a conversation,
with him...

Tonight, I tell him,
about the walk on the beach,
about waves that lapped our feet,
the sand that slipped in between our toes,
and the tides who sighed at our kiss,

That night, you were, watching over,
giving us the full view of each other,
as we kissed in front of your eyes,
you were not abashed, but shined,
even bright...

Tonight, my dear moon,
in conversation with you,
you open the box of memory,
I long to re live...
And, you laugh and say,
My baby, in conversation with me,
you have relived every memory..
Over and Over again...

And then, he waves,
brushes his cool lips on my cheeks,
line up his beauties,
and is ready to leave...
Till the next time, My love,

keep the conversations rolling...

Hi, In a hurry...

There are at least two unfinished posts that are sitting in my drafts. I mean, I am so totally out of time these days, that sometimes, I wonder, if I am even managing my time right. Or rather is time managing me right.

I have been keeping hell busy. No, I am not exaggerating. I am busy. And, I have become a pro at juggling so many things together, that, I should maybe go get myself a job in a circus. *at least I 'll get paid for it ...hmmm*

With the exams, and the entrances and the application form for the masters taking up the normal chunk of time, there are loads of last days and farewells also happening. Yeah, I had my last day at college on Saturday, and I din even know that it was officially my last day. It is not a surprise that none of the batch mates knew that either, but what mattered that day was, that, it was the last day of presentation competition. It was the last time that I stood on that podium and spoke. And spoke well. And, later the Chairman of  our institute took the dias, and spoke a few words, He thanked me for all the efforts that I had put in from the first presentation that I gave five years back, and the last I gave today. He said that it was me who had started this trend of power point presentations and of setting a standard that each of the other participant strove hard to achieve, and that he was very happy that his children (students) have come such a long way, thanks to me. 
Man, I was humbled at his words... and it was in front of all the faculty of the college... and quite a few children.. I was touched, and that moment was the best in my entire college life.


So, college is over. Only Exams left.


Adding to the list of lasts, is that, it is going to be my last Social Dancing Class this Sunday. And, well, so that group of friends want that we meet up this Saturday, which we are.. to have a blast otherwise.


Oh, I worked for a couple of months at this place who act as recruiting/ consultants for law firms.. so, I went to pick up my check, and they offered to help me get a job... *yay to that* and add to that a research that I  have to do for them... 


And, then there are my tuitions, where the kid refuses to listen to his parents and wastes my time. I am on, a strict time schedule * when I took the tuitions up, din realise I will get so tied up later* and he throws tantrum at such ease that, I lost my temper at him the other day and scolded him. And he tells me, " Aapko padhana hi toh padhaao, warna jaao" and there is nothing more to say.


My uncle, my sister plus her kids decided to land up in this already neck deep busy week, with my internals and farewells happening.. and I actually manage a up and down same day return trip to Amritsar. Wow, that was fun. My uncle wanted to go and have a chat with God, I had been wanting to go and chat him up myself... for quite sometime, thus couldn't let that pass... it was fun, and totally calming.. even if our feet burned thanks to the heat. We had mad rickshaw rides, and ate at an obscure Dhaba that has been operating since 1916, and slept like mad, on our way back.
This happened yesterday, and my head is still spinning... from all the travel and heat. 

And then there is my regular dance class, that is happening. Totally blah, R it seems is hitting on a friend of mine, who is 5 years elder to him. Blah.

Shayon has been a total sweetheart of late. I have been getting flowers and books, and loads of love showered on me... * and, I feel like a princess, even though I act, otherwise*...

I Love you all for bearing this life update... I am not on twitter you see...

Unknown

Looking beyond what,
really it is,
I breathe, into a world,
of unknown...

The road is,
not that dark..
there are signs,
to follow, to know and to be.

I take my first step,
like that of a baby,
walking for the first time.

Unsteady at first,
the second one is a little,
more sure...
And now, I walk.

Not like I own the world,
but like, I am still,
on the learning curve.

I look on,
with a hope that,
seemed lost,
a love that was slowly,
burning me to death.

I hold my hand out,
close my eyes,
and take another step forward,
and before I can fall.

Magically, I am lifted,
steadied, with hands that,
re-assure me,
all is not lost. Yet.

There are certain moments in life when realization hits you so bad that all you want to do is sit and wonder, whether you did something like this, and if you did, then how could you do it.

Yeah, this bout of realization hit me at 1.30 am in the night. I will not really disclose the source of this realization, but, right now I am scared. Scared to death.

I desired power. I am ashamed to say that, I misused to create a mess that refuses to untangle. I have tried so hard to untangle this mess that- I am losing all control and all measures of it.
And in the process, I have hurt people. I have hurt played with their feelings. Caused enough pain to last a lifetime.
Words have been spoken, that should not have been.
Actions by me, that have created havoc, which reminds you of nothing less than a natural calamity playing havoc with innocent lives.

In a bid to find my self. I have lost everything that I have stood for, my entire 23.5 years of my life.

And, I do not know, if I would ever get a chance to, and even if I do, if I will have the courage to owe up to it-
Yes I have fucked up major time. Not only in your minds, but in your hearts and souls. And, all I want to say to those dear people- 
That I am really sorry for causing you so much of pain and hurt. I am sorry for the storm that has been stirred up, and equally sorry for all the love that has been lost. 
If at all, I get a chance, I wish to heal you all and to make you smile and love the way that was.


I truly am sorry.
***********************
PS: The people referred to, know who they are. Thus, no comments required.

A song

I am not musically choosy.
I hear, whatever, WHATEVER, comes on the Radio. I am not into english music, barring the few that the sister listens and makes the entire house listen to her choice of music.

But after ages, literally after a LONG time, I have been hearing to this song in loop.. like in loop and not getting tired of it. It is not a happy song, rather very contemplative lyrics wise, but the music in the song just lifts me up... gets me high and giddy... I have not felt so doped by a song after DDLJ song tracks...
So am gonna leave you all with my current favorite- (Oh and I think, I am in Love with Shahid Kapur, god HELP ME)
Enjoy..

My First failure

In the job hunt scene. I got rejected at a job that I really wanted. I am already disheartened. Everything is painful. The world is round. You cannot be happy if you have hurt someone.

Child is the Father of Man..

When Wordsworth said this little proverb little did he know that the newer generation would strive it to make it a reality. A truth. A fact.

Times have changed. And so have the children today. It was often said that Parents never need lessons to raise their own kids, but with the changing scenario in an uber competitive world, it seems that a child should be perfect when born, and parents, well super human beings is the correct adjective to use for them.

This is actually inspired by the Kid I am tutoring these days, the class 4 kid of a famous public school is a hard nut to crack. He is super intelligent, has tonnes of energy, and is inquisitive beyond his good. He is opinionated, stubborn, and knows exactly what he wants. Which unfortunately doesn't always mean that this is what is actually desired.
Today, as he has done at least twice in the last two weeks, he refused to come down to sit and study with me. After coaxing him for almost 45 minutes, he decided to come and tell me the homework that he got, and finally after another 15 minutes of running away from me he told me that he is very angry with his elder brother, mother and me.
I told him, that, fine, he doesn't have to talk to me, or study with me, he should just do some corrections while I am having my glass of juice and then, I will leave anyways. The baby then runs away into the other room to sulk, and I go after him, to ask what really is the matter.
There he tells me, that he is angry with everyone and that he will not talk to anybody. After coaxing him for like I dunno how much time, trying to explain to him that if others start behaving the way he is behaving with them now, it would hurt him too. And then it finally he relented and he told me, what his problem is-
He says that, his mother spends more time with his elder brother than with him, and that she does not even have time to talk to him. 
I was shocked to hear this, because his mother is a really nice woman. She herself is a teacher in a school, and is managing her house with two boys, husband and in laws.
I had a very uncomfortable conversation with her after that, when I was trying to convey what her son had told me. I felt so bad. Because, I know that she is trying very hard to balance her time with everything.
How is it that the children today know more about, how to taunt your parents into getting them anything and everything... and still not have enough confidence in them that they are doing their level best to spend time with them.
In the present times, when everything has become so expensive, and lifestyles are changing a double income in the family is a must. But then, at the cost of providing best education to your children, getting them trained sports, the parents are not able to find time for the children for whom they want to provide.
This is the situation now. What will happen a couple of years later?

Is it just me, or is starting life on your own terms, actually a tough job?

Crazy Girls

I’ve been behind on the events of the past 7 days
I’ve been sleeping in my bed
And missing you like sometimes crazy girls do

I’ve been hanging like a child onto this photograph of us
It was taken on a bus across town the last time I saw you

And now this whole world is going ‘round
But it’s when you’re gone it really brings me down, down

Well I can’t get my self together I’m soaking in the pain
It’s ridiculous how easy it is to go astray
When my focus ain’t right
Sometimes crazy’s all right

And now this whole world is going ‘round
But it’s when you’re gone it really brings me down, oh

Oh, will you wait till I get back home again
‘Cause I’m willing to give this another chance
Only you baby keep me up at night
Sometimes crazy’s all right

Well I never thought I’d say I was in love with you again
It’s funny how my life has come around to this
And I’m crazy for you
I do like crazy girls do

And now this whole world is going ‘round
But it’s when you’re gone it really brings me down…

Oh, will you wait till I get back home again
‘Cause I’m willing to give this another chance
Only you baby keep me up at night
Sometimes crazy’s all right, crazy’s all right

Oh, will you wait till I get back home again/[this whole world…]
‘Cause I’m willing to give this another chance/[…is going ‘round]
Only you baby keep me up at night/[this whole world is going ‘round]
Sometimes

Oh, will you wait till I get back home again
‘Cause I’m willing to give this another chance
Only you baby keep me up at night
Sometimes crazy’s all right 




These are the lyrics of the song 'Crazy Girls' by Bethany Joy Lenz...

Searching

The clouds of time pass,
they change from being dark, to being foggy,
to being blue in the crystal clear sky.

I see my life, reflected in the sea,
in shapes that the clouds take,
with each stroke of time and then just be..

It is the memories stored,
like the pieces of pearls,
closed in a shell,
precious beyond the prices of the world...

I pry open each shell,
too seek the memory out,
to see that moment,
in which...

One where happiness was captured,
in the other,
where the sadness was stored,
and then there were more..
where there were hurt and the pain..

I look at them,
and then I look at the sky,
I thank the world for all the happiness,
And then I look down

Into my palms,
searching for the one to blame,
for all the sorrow put into my hands..

I find no one.
Just me. Staring back,
into my own eyes..
then so be it...

Guilty as Charged

Ahem, so I got tagged yet again, Thank you Shalini, you are doll.... And I think that this is a FUN tag totally new, at least to me and well, I just hope that in all the cross examination that is going to happen now, I am able to answer as honestly as possible...!!


Rules

RULE 1- You can only say Guilty or Innocent.

RULE 2- You are not allowed to explain anything unless someone messages you and asks!

RULE 3- Copy and paste this into your notes, delete my answers, type in your answers and tag to your friends to answer this.

• Asked someone to marry you? Guilty
• Ever kissed someone of the same sex? Innocent
• Danced on a table in a bar? Innocent
• Ever told a lie? Guilty
• Had feelings for someone whom you can’t have back? Guilty
• Kissed a picture? Guilty
• Slept in until 5 PM? Guilty
  
• Fallen asleep at work/school? Guilty
• Held a snake? Innocent
  
• Been suspended from school? Innocent
• Worked at a fast food restaurant? Innocent
• Stolen from a store? Innocent
• Been fired from a job? Innocent
• Done something you regret? Guilty
  
• Laughed until something you were drinking came out your nose? Guilty
• Caught a snowflake on your tongue? Innocent (Though this is something I really wanna do)
• Kissed in the rain? Guilty
  
• Sat on a roof top? Guilty
• Kissed someone you shouldn’t? Guilty
• Sang in the shower? Guilty
• Been pushed into a pool with all your clothes on? Innocent
• Shaved your head? Guilty (Does your mundan in the bachpan count?)
• Had a boxing membership? Innocent
• Made a boyfriend cry? Guilty
• Been in a band? Innocent
• Shot a gun? Innocent
• Donated Blood? Innocent
  
• Eaten alligator meat? Innocent
• Eaten cheesecake? Guilty
• Still love someone you shouldn’t? Guilty
• Have/had a tattoo? Innocent
• Liked someone, but will never tell who? Innocent
• Been too honest? Guilty
• Ruined a surprise? Guilty
• Ate in a restaurant and got really bloated that you couldn’t walk afterward? Innocent
• Erased someone in your friends list? Guilty
• Dressed in a woman’s clothes (if you’re a guy) or man’s clothes (if you’re a girl)?Guilty
• Joined a pageant? Innocent
• Been told that you’re handsome or beautiful by someone who totally meant what they said? Guilty
• Had communication with your ex? Guilty
• Got totally drunk on the night before exam? Innocent
• Got totally angry that you cried so hard? Guilty

And I Tag:

 Chanz

Moo

The Footloose Doll

Ms. Bludheemary

Suruchi

Sorcy

Uncle J

Shayon
Roop
Harshita
BanuPriya
Quirky (Where are you girl??)
Cathy 
Big OMI


And Any one else who wants to take up this tag...!!! :)

The Choice

Walking down an empty lane,
thinking about what do I really want,
I hit upon a bump and fall down.

I try to go back upon my feet,
only to realise that my hands hit,
a dirty and a junky piece...

I rub it in frustration hoping
to find answers in a piece of junk,
and whoosh comes out a genie..
asking me to wish for ..

But only three things he says,
choose, what is more important to you..

Is it all the happiness in the world?
or is it all the money that you want?
are you seeking some fame my dear?
or the long lost love that you whine for?
is your family more in need?
or is it yours own alone that you care?
how about endless friendships,
or maybe you would like to tour the world?

What my dear is important you..
only you can choose and ask me here..
I am at your command to make your wishes come true,
don't take too long, or you may loose this too..!!!

I stand there, on that empty dark street,
looking for answers that can never really be,
Can't I have it all?
Why only three?
Why should I make a choice.. .
it will hurt me like a million glass pieces tearing me apart...

Life, my dear, is all about choices,
you can't have it all, because if you do,
you wont value anything at all..

I cry and I whiter,
I promise to take care of it all,
Please don't make me choose...

The choice he tells me is mine,
and mine alone...
to hurt now or to to hurt more,
later...
strength to bear the hurt will come,
just look for it,
make that choice...
take the plunge.. and give life a chance..

The Other Woman

I was going through a couple of comments and post on the various views that have come forward in the discussion about Love, Sex aur Dhoka.
We have tried to defend the whole thing, stating that love can happen to any one, and every one. We have talked about how society is reacting, and how it should be reacting if not the way it is reacting now. We even know the perspective of a husband, who has been betrayed, and there are more than enough accounts of a broken heart of a woman when she finds about how her husband/ boyfriend has been going around behind her back.
But have we really thought about the other woman? The one, with whom the said affair is going on. How does she feel, knowing that she is the other woman... does she love the boy, or is she also in it because there is some sort of a sexual satisfaction involved in it.
Things are easier I guess, if she is in it because there is just sex involves in it (Or so I am assuming) but what happens to her when she is emotionally involved too? Knowing the fact that she is the other woman... do you remember Priyanka Chopra from the movie Fashion ? There, it was a professional relationship with Arbaaz Khan that went all the way to becoming personal and then went sour, because Priyanka started demanding more of his time and eventually had a fall out, and went on to destroy her career once. Of course, one argument is that, she made a mistake and did get a chance to redeem it back.
And she did get her chance too, because, he was in it just for the lure of young sex and excitement.

But what happens, when, both of them are in it for love. The emotional attachment, when she knows that she is the other woman  and she understands that he has responsibilities too.
What does she do? Where does she go? She cares for him, wants to make sure that the world is a better place for him and survives the pain of sharing her love with someone else.
What would you label her? The marriage breaker? Someone who has done a mistake, or someone who is plain stupid to have fallen in love without really giving a bother about the world? but then, when was the last time you fell in love with someone caring a damn about the world...

I know that this post does not really make too much of sense, but I am trying to look at the other side of the coin as well... in law the Principle of Natural Justice says, that you cannot pass a judgement in a case without giving a fair chance to both the parties, so here is my case for the other party.. opinions please?

Words

Me.
I.
YOU.
WHO.
What,
no..
YES..
entangled
choked
loved
unloved
bored
hectic
pain
hurt
anguish
more pain
more anguish
anger
hate
run
escape
breathe
dark alleys
darker nights
sleepless souls
wanderer
lost
labyrinth
mazes
who
what and
where...

The Ugly Duckling

I think Google is GOD. Atleast for the people who say that internet is their religion. I use google atleast two times everyday, even if it is just for you know something as random as getting my self updated on the news that is happening around me.

The thing that is MOST amazing is that, whatever the occassion be, Google has just the right way to tell you about it. And, today thanks to their Homepage image, I got to know, that it is the 205th Birth Anniversary of Hans Christain Anderson...
And, I was instantantly transferred back into my child hood and into those fairy tales that always told about the damsel in distress, and the Prince Charming that would always come to her rescue.
Disney I feel has done a great job in animating and immortalizing so many of his characters, be it the Little Match Girl or Ariel- The Little Mermaid... whose adventures have always fascinated me... even now they do.

But amongst all his fairy tales, the one that I relate to the most is The Ugly Duckling... you know, just the little thing about how you being beautiful inside makes you beautiful outside. I always felt like the ugly little girl, who is not tall, nor shapely... nor like a girl. Actually, there are about million things that are wrong in me as per my mother...but, then, today stumbling upon the author of  The Ugly Duckling... gave me some lil bit of happiness.. a sense of hope, and above all gave me a lil extra push on the feel good factor about myself...

I feel like that Ugly Duckling, who is going to be a Swan some day... Life will happen, Soon.

Did you hear about Sania Mirza?

Oh, I am sure that you have all heard about her. That the uninitiated know, that Ms. Sania Mirza is one of the most talked about and celebrated Tennis Player of our times. And, unlike the likes of Bhupati and Peas, she is normally stuck in some controversy or the other.
I mean, poor girl can't put up her feet, sit back and relax... She can't wear her tennis clothes and play tennis in peace without getting some or other fatwa issued again her...
and now, when she is planning to get married, poor girl and her family are again being questioned, both by the media and the people.
The reason?
Simple, Sania Mirza broke her engagement with some random guy and instead is getting married to the pakistani cricketer Shohaib Malik.
Hmmmm, so, this little hate open letter popped somewhere on my facebook page, and made me wonder, that, How the hell could we be such asses. Yes, we have our own opinions, we have the right to form them, judge people on the basis of them...
But, do we really have to start hating or loving a person because of her choice of her beau? Why? Just because he is a Pakistani. Yes, we have our own biases, but does that mean, we stop liking a person because she has other friends and relatives in her life.
Can you really stop a person from falling in love?
And, can we all please be happy for someone who has gotten us accolades, and it is not that she is not gonna stop playing for her country.

Her decisions on who to get married and who to fall in love are, purely personal. They happen to well, just reflect, one cute little cheesy thought- that Love knows no boundaries... 


People lets grow up.. and start to actually have opinions where they matter...