On my way back from a long long break to Delhi.. My mind wanders.
I am in a train, so the time for thoughts to come and go is a lot.
So, the purpose of this trip to Delhi was My Best Friends Wedding. Finally, she too is married and right now as I write this, is on her honeymoon in hawaii.
It was a long.. Long wedding. 10 days, with breaks of course.. But 10 days nevertheless. I was running around and I was dancing. In middle of hardly eating anything, dancing away, getting the mehndi done, doing the last minute market runs, reminiscing my own wedding, crying on her vidai.. The wedding festivities were over. The husband and parents felt neglected through these few days. Poor husband got bored stiff. Hence, I think.. Now I will just ask him to come for the wedding day function only for any other and further close family weddings. Because I being me have to run around, and him being him was well not really in his place of comfort.
The wedding was lavish.
Both the BFF and her husband's family are much better off financially than what we are.
We danced, made merry, and then suddenly we realised that it was time for to start a new life.
And then the third bachpan ka dost ki wife spoke, Ah, now all three of you are married. I smiled at the realisation then.
I smile, with melancholy now.
I tried to remember the years that we have been friends for.. Memories.. But we have spent so much of our lives together that there are far too many and too varied.
What I did realise was that.
We have all grown up. Now, we are out of the shadow of our parents, trying to make our relationships with a new family and in a new world.
Times have changed.
All I hope is that our friendship flourishes.
|Engagement at the Club|
And often bites too hard. I wonder if you have felt betrayed by the reality of life.
I wonder if you have ever day dreamt yourselves into believing that all will be in sync. That all will be, well.
I hate being the pessimistic, negative thinking creature. But life is not giving me any reasons to really be optimistic.
This weekend was spent in Delhi. My home. With the parents and the sister and the super best friend.
The last four days were a whirlwind. And even though I did not call or checked in anywhere because I did not want to announce that I was in Delhi, I felt that the time just vanished somewhere.
This time more than ever, I realised that things were just as I had left them. Yeah, the dry cleaners shop has been renovated and so has the best friends house. But this time, it was mostly about sleeping and chilling the way I used to before shaadi.
There was a paath followed by langar in the colony gurudwara for my birthday. This happens every year. I stayed over at the best friends house and bitched all night long about everything under the sun. Something that we almost always did and still do over the phone. I had almost all my meals at home, with my grandmother checking on to me in the morning to wake me up. Something that was always the ritual. Every morning for as long as I remember, dot at 8 am on a weekday and at 9 am on a weekend, she barges on our room and tells us.. It's time to wake up. More so on the weekdays, because it's office for me. I mean had it not been for her, I would never reach office on time.
My mom gossiping with me.. Trying to fix the kitties and the school stories. Dad, talking about the court, about work and in general making sure that I do the work that I am supposed to.
All seemed like it was the way it has always been. I still called the husband at night from the bathroom. But, nothing was same and all had changed.
One time yesterday, I was on mom and dad's bed, sitting in between them, and sister standing next to dad leaning on his knee, and arguing with mom, while I am fiddling with me phone, and adding the fuel to fire in the argument that mom and sister are having. My dad was smiling away to glory and remarking, this feels so nice. And almost at that instant, I felt that nothing has changed and we are still in 2012.
But all has changed.
Time is running it's course and I am almost married for a year.
My homecoming is an event and even though I love the fact that mom and dad and everyone else makes or tries to make time for me, I can't wish being jealous of friends who have both their families in the same city. I need to learn to balance. But, I don't know how to. Or like the husband would say, that I don't want to.
Seriously, the farewell every time is with a lump in a throat and the bitter sweet knowledge of the fact that, while I leave parents, sister and a life behind. I also have the husband waiting on the other side to hold me in his arms as I mope because I am back.
A couple of years back, I tried to throw a birthday party, and it flopped. Hardly anyone showed and that was the end of the Birthday party at home.
The year after that, the party was at the club, with all the cousins and a few friends. It was also the birthday on which the husband had proposed me and like they say, sealed the deal.
And yesterday was a step further. I am cynical to say the least about my birthday and this was my first in 27 years without my parents or couains or the BFF around. The thing that I forgot was that, it was also the first as a married woman in house with two men, and a husband who loves me like crazy, even though he drives me crazy most of the time ;).
From cards, to books, to a superb hand bag, to 4 cakes to awesome lunch and an even more splendid dinner at one of the best Coastal Restaurant in the country (Dakshin, ITC Maratha) and not just us, it was the friends and family that really mattered to me, no to us. I was surrounded by love. And while we swapped our stories, about childhood, experiences and just the general banter we were being treated to some great food. My father in law and husband split the hefty bill and I sat there wondering why.
(One of my Dad's aunt yesterday commented that while I was turning 27 in the biological years, I was turning 1 year old in the new family, and just like the grand 1st birthday that my parents did for me, so was this Birthday grand in its own way..)
I being me asked the husband why.. And all he said was "if not for you then for who". And I cried, with joy of course.
I know that we have our own set of things and issues that we deal with everyday. And I have often been told and I also belive that relationships and marriages are not just two people being together.. It's always a work in progress. And while we invent and learn about the newest ways to make each other miserable by the virtue of being married..
These perfect days become the memories that I will treasure for the life to come.
Thank you my dear Patidev, you truly are a catch ;) and you are the best thing that has happened to me.
The husband has been telling me that I get really frustrated whenever we talk about my birthday.
I told him that is not so.
The reason that I just don't get excited anymore is because I can't deal with the disappointment that ensues after I get excited about something special.
The experience of the past says it all. Every time I expect, I end up being disappointed, and hurt.
So when it is alleged that I am frustrated.. It is not entirely true.
It is just the slight irritation at the fact that I am being told to get excited, when understandably thanks to the past I know that it will be just another day.
The lies that you are made to see before getting married.
The specials in the first year of being married.
If you marry a guy who doesn't believe on all of that you end up being disappointed most of the times and if you marry in an over enthusiastic family, then you are left overwhelmed with many a celebrations.
It's a two edged sword and You end up wondering where is the enjoyment gone.
You are often faced with choices during your marriage that leave you with numbness.
You end up wondering if the person who is telling you to pick and choose is the same person you chose to get married to.
But then mostly, for the sake of peace around you make peace with your own self, sacrifice, compromise and often just give in.
And the choice trust me is never the better desert.. It's a choice that changes your life and your relationship with the people who you know. Changing the dynamics of your relationship and dynamics of who you always have been.
Or it is harder to express your feelings, the true raw kinds, that you used to before shaadi to your hubby after getting married.. If no, then tell me why am I facing this difficulty? Especially since hubby and I have been together for 8 long years..
And if Yes.. Then tell me has anyone tried to overcome this difficulty.. And how?