Sunday, March 31, 2013

A tale of two girls

They were born 5 months apart.
In the same family but to different mothers.
They were polar opposites.
One was the dark beauty, the other a lil fair. One was an absolute extrovert and the other an introvert.
But they both had long black hair that reached below their waist.
They were in the same school, from the day that they started their education. In kindergarden, because they wanted new bags, they tore each others..
Not a festival or a birthday went by, without them being together.
They were "first cousins", but one look by a stranger, and they would assume that the girls are twins. Inseparable.

They both hated the fact that they were always protected. So at the age of 12, they decided that they would elope to South America as soon as they turned 18, and live with the freedom that they always desired.
At 15, things changed. Sorrow touched their soul.
At 16, the sorrow hit them again. This time at the magnitude that one cannot even imagine.
And finally, once the heart began settle, and come out of the sadness that they recieved, they decided once again to follow the dreams of their freedom. Of the shackles that the family had tied them into.
They changed their aims and their dreams, so that they could just be themselves and chase happiness over the family pressures of having a mundane and a usual career. The 17th year was finally the one where they were going to put their foot down, and finally live a life that they had dreamnt of together.
South America seemed a far away dream, but a hostel around the university seemed viable.
As they waited for their 12th Standard result, the plans of being independent were discussed in hushed tones and excited voices.
And then maybe a week before the results, one of them vanished. Left. Leaving the other in a lurch. In pain, and in utter disbelief that the one who she shared her soul with could break the promise that she had made.
The one left  behind looked for clues, re played the events of the night of the disappearance, wondering what went wrong. But, she had no way of finding the truth. The answers were hid. The questions buried and the family just increased the protection for the one left behind. The fence, while allowed her to breathe, was no longer her interest. She was left alone to fend for her freedom, and she did have the courage to break hearts of the people who were already crushed under the disappearing act of one of the two.
The one left behind, still looks for answers. Still cluthches to the hope that one day, her soul-mate, her sister, her friend and her confidant will come back and tell her that, she needed her space to sort her mind, and that she is back to take the other one away. 

Saturday, March 23, 2013


I should be a little more mean.

I would really appreciate if people appreciate when I go out of my way to accommodate them.
Mostly, in the aforesaid events I am called the fool because, I am the one who ends up getting hurt.
Why take a chance?


Wednesday, March 20, 2013

Remembering my idol..

Yesterday, it was the death anniversary of my Dada ji, my paternal grandfather.
It has been 11 long years, since the day all our lives changed.
It was the year that, actually changed me as a person also. I had never experienced death so close to me.

I think that whatever little sanity that I have in me is thanks to my Dadu, and the fact that I think that I am a princess is also thanks to him.
He would never let me go to the kitchen, or be around things that were dangerous.
He used to take my to India International Center, for absolutely delightful lunches and fancy dinners in their dining hall, where kids were hardly allowed. I was always asked to behave like a lady. Till today, if by any fortune I get to go there, a lump always forms in my throat, remembering the great years of being simple and loving.
The fact that we used to go out of the city for "Summer Vacations", was also thanks to him. He loved to take us for holidays all over the northern part of the country.
He loved weddings. And my mum loves weddings. There is no second guessing, why I just LOVE weddings.

I never saw him raising his voice or his hands at any of his grand children, I have never heard that he did that to his children either. He had friends that were always for life. He wrote letters. Was fascinated by an electronic typewriter and absolutely amazed at "Cut, Copy & paste" feature in the computers.

No one in any corner of my immediate family or extended family on any side ever criticized him.. all of us have such fond memories of the times that we have had with him.

And, trust me when I say that, he probably would have been over the moon seeing me getting married.

I miss him.
And one of the thoughts that provoked me to write about him was..  (he used to always tell me to calm down ;))

An interesting fact of physics:

If you yelled for 8 years, 7 months and 6 days, you would have produced enough sound energy to heat one cup of coffee.

Hardly seems worth it, does it?
It is a supposed fact of physics but also a corollary of spirit.

Most fussing, yelling, and cursing causes far more harm than good and usually isn’t worth the effort. All of the good it does over the years probably isn’t worth a cup of hot coffee.

The next time you are inclined to huff and puff and blow off steam by raising your voice with five minutes of yelling at something or someone, remember with another 8 years, 7 months, 5 days,
23 hours and 55 minutes of yelling, you could have a cup of hot java.
Is the hot cup of coffee worth stirring up with anger? 

Coffee doesn’t hear you. People do. And it only takes one second of yelling to heat them up.

Keep your cool, coffee is not the only thing that’s ground up

Saturday, March 16, 2013

What is..... Marriage?

It is 1.30 am at night. Husband is soundly snoring away by my side, while his left arm is protectively around my waist.
There is a glass of wine on the bedside table, and despite a long long day in the heat, I am wide awake. Yes, the wine was supposed to put me of to sleep.

I have been thinking a lot lately. About life, and what has changed
While the hubby still maintains that the 'I am married' has still not sunk in, I try to tell him off.
Tell him that things have changed and that he better get used to being ' married '

Which brings me to one of the things that I have been thinking about... About being married.. About what is it to be married.
It is definitely more than having the freedom to have sex.. Though the sociology books say otherwise.. And it definitely has a lot to put a smile on the face of the one you love.  About the things that affect you... Like the snoring bit.. I wonder if the nose strips will work the husband.
I often tell him, that the thing that I look forward to at the end of a hard days work is, his arms around me.. And honestly, the night I don't have his snores or his arms around me in my new house.. Sleep is difficult to come.

Marriage is also about compromises and eating your pride.. Your ego and being a bigger person, except that you being a bigger person would neither be appreciated nor recogonized .. It like one of those unseen, unconditional things that you want to do.

Marriage is also about changing your focus and about changing the perspectives that you have. The decisions are not just for you as an individual but affects the 'us' in the whole relationship dynamics.
Yes, every little thing counts. Including the excess baggage from your mother's house.

Marriage is also about the arguments. On issues that may or may not have anything do with you.. As an individual.

Marriage is about a lot of things. But mostly it is about the change that it brings to you.. The love that you thought was there, just increases. Out of where, it is unknown.
It is about, crying and laughing in the arms of the one you love.
It is about scratching your head over the grocery to be bought and the head massage with the hit oil.

It is not a holiday.. Not a phase of your life.. But it is about your whole life. A commitment going beyond the words of the prohit at the Mandap or the marriage registration certificate.
I have seen matches made in heaven go down the drain in the court.. The love lost somewhere in the battle of the alimony and the respect, well, none of that either.

I really don't have a conclusion to this post.. Maybe because it is the wine speaking more than me..
What I do know is., that marriage is about holding the hand of a complete stranger (believe me when I say, that even in a love marriage, the husband you discover is a lil different than your lover) and telling each other.. That the odds are stacked against us, but, now that we have each other to hold on.. Whatever be the odds.. Lets cross them together, lets just build our life piece by piece.. And enjoy the journey while reaching a destination.

Wednesday, March 13, 2013

March Update

Oh God, I feel like such a traitor.. I have not written a single post after announcing that I am not closing shop as yet.. Duhu!
But I have been on a roller coaster... here is an update on life.. in no particular order..

  • I am alive. Yes. 
  • BFF is engaged.. and hers was a process for about 3 odd months.. and then boom she tells me that finally all is settled. The wedding happens in December, and that means the entire year.. it is all about shaadi again. 
  • BFF's engagement meant that I got a chance to go back home, to my mom's house. Somehow, Delhi is still more of home. 
  • I met my friends after a long long time.. and had conversations. Talked about everything, nothing, about the gossip in office, to the married life, to home ad husbands and boyfriends.. 
  • Had loads of GOOD food.. exclusive lunch with Dad.
  • Got all dressed for the engagement.. looked really nice (My mom really liked how I looked and that is a HUGE certificate).
  • Danced till the wee hours.. felt a little left out in the whole melee .. Husband was not there you see.. 
  • Slept on my own bed. Slept till late. 
  • Gave no care about "nashte mein kya banega"..
  • Spent some quality time with my mom.. talked to her, like I have never talked. Realised that the bond and love changes after shaadi.. 
  • Came back to Mumbai after 5 days.. and already want to go back.. 
  • Office is crazy. 
  • It is making me go crazy too! 
  • Husband missed me, and showed it too :D 
Hopefully.. the post made some sense.. if it did not.. you can understand the after effects of a trip back home!!