Friday, December 26, 2008

Bitter Sweet taste of a Goodbye....

Its a beautiful saturday afternoon, and as I look up from the laptop, I can see from the window of my room, the sea. I can hear the road below.

The faces are the same. The talk is the same. But its not home yet. I have been in Mumbai, and in little less than a week, I would be back home.
Back to the usual bickering self.

I am very excited to go back to Delhi, but then at the same time my heart hurts to say goodbye to this city till the next tryst...
the first question that everyone would ask me here in Mumbai, after getting to know that I am from Delhi is, 'Which city do you like more? Delhi or Mumbai?' Call me whatever, but I love both the cities.
Like I always say, Delhi is home... but Mumbai is dreams.
Mumbai has given me, My boyfriend... but above all has given me a sense of self assurance. Given me a taste to freedom.
As I go to the Churchgate station every night after work, I feel proud to be a part of the bustling crowd of the city, who have the spirit that can make even the laziest person proactive.

Its been a beautiful one month. The work was great. I had really nice colleagues , interns from National Law schools, who din treat me like shit because I belonged to a college other than the National Law school. the gang of girls I really like to mention here were from NALSAR hyderabad, Yasha, Neha, Aanchal and Veena. In Delhi, I have never interacted with such chilled out girls.

The greatest experience that I had was on the girls night out... I have never done this. (Ofcourse in Delhi you cant do this only, what with the major glitch in the not so safe for girls public transport system) in Delhi, where 10 pm is like OMG, its so fucking late, this was the usual time to get out of office. Not dependent on my Dad for rides or rather the auto waalas for a ride back home, it felt like that finally I have grown up.

The cherry on the top was, the amount of quality time that Shayon and I got to spend with each other... if nothing else, there was the marine drive to just sit and gaze out to the see with the love of your life holding your hand or pulling you close to him.

In Delhi, the weather is cold. And, I am getting ready to experience the challenge of a new kind.
As I finally start the countdown to the New Year, I am counting the days to go back home.
Its time for the bitter sweet goodbye,
adios, Mumbai, a city where dreams are woven... and where dreams are lived...!!!
Bye, till we meet again....

And now.... finally this...

My fucked up morning took a turn, and things have become rosy and happy...!!
I don't feel like killing Shayon's college...!!!

I am happy.
Now, I just want to be at peace with my own consciense... That too shall happen..!!!

And now... THIS????

The only thing that really fucks up the best laid plans which Shayon and I get excited about is , his college.
Maybe not always, but yeah lately, its just getting on to me..!!!
I wish and I wish that there was a way I could got to Jamshedpur in that godforsaken place called National Institute of Technology and kill a few people.

Why cant both of us just be happy and content about the way things are going? Why does this stupid thing called destiny intervene...
Yes am angry.
I am sad..
But above all, I am hurt.

Thursday, December 25, 2008

So, now what?

I cant believe that today is Christmas and that its like one week to this years end... My stay in Mumbai is almost over.
There was the usual partying and there was a lot of work. If work was tough, then it was the end of the day that I looked forward to....when Shayon used to come and pick me from work... that hug, was worth the stress all day. 
And now that he is moving to Delhi, I am wishing and hoping that we get to see more of him and to experience the joys of a 'regular relationship'. 
Yes I am happy about it...
But, I am very nervous about it too. 
I dunno what to expect. Because, somewhere down there in my heart, I feel very bad about dating behind my parents back. Call me an ostrich, but here in Mumbai, coz my parents are not alone, and I dont have to report back to them, I am ok with it. But in Delhi, I would be a nervous wreck... coz I don't think that every Saturday I would be able to maro bahanaas so that I can meet my dear boyfriend. And that, I am worried would really irk Shayon. Therefore, sweetie pie, I am gonna try hard not to disappoint you. 

I am happy and am nervous... so Now what??

Saturday, December 20, 2008

This time it was different.

Whenever, I thought that God knows, how are Shayon and I gonna survive each other for such a long period of time, I used to shudder. I remember, when Geetu Bhabi, first got to know about my LDR, she told me about her friends who though were fine staying together, but din really survive the relationship staying together.

But, last night, when Shayon and I were sitting on the marine drive (for all those who dunno what marine drive is, check google) I felt the difference. There was a time when we met after a long period of time for such a short while, that al we wanted to do was to Kiss each other all the time. (Trust me, you DAMN well miss the touchy feely part... all the time) But, like I was saying, last night was different... we just sat there and talked... about how we managed to stay in this relationship despite the temptations and despite all the problems... about, what we really want from our lives.. and about the fact that how special and strong our bond has grown over the years.

It was the Best date that we have had in the last 3 years and 10 and a half months. 

I dunno how many of you remember that post, which started the series of my Love story.. where in  I had talked about how Shayon was worried that, after spending the month together now what??

So, here is the solution, Shayon is moving to Delhi, coz of his new job. Its the greatest news that has come my way the entire year.
For Shayon it was a tough decision to make, he was given an option of three cities including Mumbai and Banglore... but he chose Delhi. I am overwhelemed by this decision... and the cherry on the top? His office is like 10 mins away from my house....

It was a tough year, but I guess, Patience is a Virtue... Thank you God, for inculcating me with just that.

Thursday, December 18, 2008

Its been the most wonderful days of my life.
For a change I was carefree, not really caring about anything... not about how i looked, not about what i did...
I realised that I had the capability of actually being a 22 year old, w/o heaving the responsibilities of the world on my shoulders..

I love being myself... hanging around with my boyfriend.... gossiping around the office... running in and out.. travelling by the train all alone... 
but at the same time- I wonder... can I be myself minus the guilt of being irresponsible and what not???

Sunday, December 14, 2008

Living- Each day, each Moment... n Loving it...

It was a terrible ordeal to see people dying in Mumbai, and that too being shown on TV, live. 

It was, after the mayhem was over, and the analysis was coming, did all the people start saying and questioning the fact that, if the posh n the powerful too can become target to terror... then a common man might just as well, get itself army trained for self defence.

It was amongst these political analysis, and the talk of vulnerability, that there was a small article about, how we takes things for granted and that how we need to amend that. 

Now, that I am in Mumbai, and that I have met Shayon, after a whole freaking year.... things are settling down. Its been one week, that we have been with each other physically... that alot of dimensions of a relationships have come into the purview. 

I remember that there were times when talking over the phone, after a while there was just nothing to talk about... and then there was this silence that we dreaded... but today, when we were walking on the beach, holding hands, there was no need to talk.Despite the silence the need to talk  always has gone, we communicate by the simple touch of our hands... and each look in our eye.
I know, how precious are these moments... like when...
On a weekday, when he comes to pick me up from work, and gives me a hug, after a long day's work, I feel despite the tiredness, a refreshing uplift in mood, howsoever bad the day had gone by. 
When we fight over silly things then look at each other and laugh it out....

Its, like living a life being at peace with myself. I wish this could remain this way.

But, Shayon is moving to Delhi for some time. There with my college and his work... I just hope that we are able to spend some quality time with each other,,, and together create memories that we may cherish forever.

The blasts and the attack on Mumbai, has totally scarred the Indian indian mind, One thing that it has done is, to put in people a zeal to really live. I know, that I wanna live and live with the full spirit of Living...
and I am loving and cherishing each moment spend with the one I love....
 

Saturday, December 6, 2008

the wait is gonna be over soon....

Its after 1 am at night... I have been going to bed after 2 for the past two nights and getting up early morning to go for work...not that i am complaining...
But tomorrow, Shayon is finally going to be in Mumbai. After a whole year we are gonna meet. And I feel like NERVOUS.... my tummy is fluttering. and I cant get any sleep... and I am watching Love Actually ... and that doesn't help either....

Now, I am just counting the hours... and hoping and praying for the Best...!!!