Thursday, December 29, 2016

The World in 2016: Year End Saga (III)

The Government's deadline for the 50 days is coming to a close and while there are lines everywhere (yet again), the light at the end of the long tunnel is neither visible nor seems any bit closer. Today, while India coped with the ordinance that makes keeping of the old notes a criminal offence, the world in general is coping with the loss of two great artists- George Micheal and Carrie Fischer. 

2016 has been in general a year that has defied all logic, in all possible spheres of life, and not just here in India but all over the world. 

It has been a bad year. From Mohammad Ali to Fidel Castro to David Bowie to Carrie Fischer, some of the deaths had been in the offing, while others were just plain shocks. The New York Times says 

"The year 2016 saw the deaths of an unusually long list of political titans and sports icons, famous musicians and Hollywood greats"

On the other hand, as the whole world looked at America, the Americans (who call themselves progressive) proved otherwise and elected a business man, without any experience whatsoever, as their president. The world is still reeling under shock, and all they are hoping for is that the choice of Americans is right. The worst thing though in this election was the amount of interest and opinions that Indians had, on two presidential candidates, in a electoral system that they have no idea about.

Talking about opinions, 2016 has been a year of "trolls" and a lot of opinions. With each decision of the government creating ripples across the country, and affecting everybody without sparing the rod, the year saw too much of news, about the same issue, with no real concrete basis in the allegations. From the GPS tracker in the 2000 rupee note to why the PM is the best, and no one has any right to say anything against him, there were half baked, full baked and what not kind of opinions floating around all over social media.

Women of the world were aggressive about being heard, and while we had the bhoomata brigade fighting for gender equality in religious institutions, we also had the likes of Deepika and Priyanka taking over the international film/TV industry.

Another thing that had me cringing throughout the year was amount of cruelty that was being advertised on my timeline. The number of dog abuse and abandonment posts and news reports broke my heart several times and it made me wonder if we have shed whatever little was left of the humanity that we had?

As I write this, the news reports say that the PM will address the nation on 31st December, 2016, and I can only hope that he says things that benefit us, and not inconvenience us, again. His speeches have become like dictatorial orders creating panic.

All I hope is that when the new dawn in 2017 arrives, the world is filled with hope and happiness. I for one can't wait for 2016 to get over.

Saturday, December 17, 2016

The Road to Self Discovery and Self Destruction: The Year End Saga (II)

I have been nothing sort of angry this year.

Ask the husband and he shall be happy to provide the proof.

The worst part of the whole me being angry thing is that I have no clue as to why am I angry. Okay, so not really. I know that there are various reasons why I am angry, upset and/or orritated almost all the time. But, what I don't know is, why am I heeding to the negativity of these things, and why can't I look beyond the obvious. Why can't I be a better person?

And guess what, that question right there, flares me up. It just fucks with my mind, because, ain't I a better person? No one is perfect, and neither am I.
But- am I not a better person already? I forgive, even when people walk all over me. I try to make everyone happy. I try to do everyone's bidding, and in all that, what I expect is truth, sincerity and love from those very people, I become the "not so better person" and then, this loop of "maybe I should be a better person" starts! And I get angry.

Then there is this whole baby issue, which is very intricately connected with a few other things that I can't really talk about here, but that also hits a raw nerve now and then, and then I am angry. Because, try as hard as I can, to curb the nonsensical thoughts that keep me on my toes, I just can't. I get anxious, because I don't get any answers, and then all I can think about is, how, our life is off track (till I read, some or the motivating memes/stories on facebook). The whole circle that it takes quite overwhelming and emotionally quite draining, and that makes me angry. And because this whole thing runs in my head, and spirals out of control, when I talk about it, I get angry because there is NO ONE who wants to understand me or guide me, or for that matter even sit and talk to me. So me struggling alone with the burden of this whole thing seems unfair. And thus I am angry.

I am angry generally at the world and at life, because things are just not falling in place. The amount of hiccups that have happened over the course of this year are enormous, and I can't seem to wrap my head around them. I have been so stressed this whole year, about something or the other, and that shows. In my general attitude, in the amount of effort that takes to infuse the happiness in me and the smile that stopped reaching the eyes long ago.

I know that I have issues. And that is something that I have agreed to, and have accepted. I also know that I need to work on all those things. But, I just keep wondering over and over again- Why am I so wrong? Do, only I have to really improve upon things?

As a gamut of emotions wash over me everytime I question myself, I feel more lost than ever.

And this year, I have been leading myself into a discovery to destruction pattern, over and over again, and I see no end in sight. Do I want to be less angry- Yes. Do I want be happier- Yes. However- Do I have to undertake this journey all by myself? Oh well, I don't know that! 

Friday, December 16, 2016

The "Demonitized" Winter: Year End Saga (I)

As the political will of a meglomaniac ruler of the largest democracy in the world unleashes the horror of worthless currency, and we are trying to make ends meet on the chillar that we have in our pockets.. the Winter has set in.

The last month of a very weird year is here and I have absolutely no clue as to how to react to this year end.

November this year marked the completion of 1 year since we have moved to Delhi, and things in the last year have changed drastically. Like, losing my grandmother, and the BFF having the cutest baby boy ever, and several of my girlfriends either getting pregnant or having babies.
Husband's friends too, having babies. We actually went to a baby function in Bangalore!

I had a lot more personal anguish this year, and while I have had several ideas to diffuse this anguish, my powers of procastination have over shadowed all the attempts that I had intended to undertake. I do want to break the mould in the coming year, I just don't how, as yet.

We travelled much less than what we would have liked to, but I cooked my heart out this year. Like really cook.

I think that I am batteling a weird mental state, where, I can't seem to go beyond the gloom and even when I am happy, I feel irritated. This is a new kind of me that I seem to be discovering this year. Ask the Husband and he would say that I have always been like this.

In just about 15 days the year will change, and I wonder, if the patterns will ever break? 

Thursday, December 1, 2016

Dear Zindagi

Gauri Shinde is a genius.

When she re-launched Sridevi in "English Vinglish", she took the industry and the viewers by storm. The movie had only Sridevi as a "star", who was doing this movie as a comeback. Apart from that, there were the character actors, and a foreign star or two. But the movie was backed by powerful performances by all the actors but most of all it was backed by a solid story and great direction.

The story was so relevant. The dilema of a woman who is constantly battling with her battered confidence because of her lack of education/knowing english, it hits hard even to women who are educated, but decide to give up their careers for families! While that story was all about empowering the woman in you, Dear Zindagi hits a chord which no one is willing to discuss.

The story of DZ is about a girl, who is always angry, except when she is with her core group. She angry at the boys that she is dating, and she is angry at her parents. She hears about the "Brain Doctor" (BD) from a friend, who says that he needed to go see him not because he had to come out of the closet but because he needed to accept himself being gay.
The story then follows the journey of our protaganist with her therapist and the various bits of advisory that he gives her. And, while in our world of too much knowldege and opinions (and because I know that there is a psycologist/therapist, who follows this blog), there are people who are saying that "therapy does not work this way", all I have to say is that it is a movie and they disclaimed that it is a work of fiction and that they are not endorsing any medical advise. And from my limited knowledge I think the common thing is that- there is no definition of psycology and that each patient that a counsellor/therapist interacts with gives them a new insight, because we all are inherently different.
So that aside, in the movie we find that our protagisnist Kaira, has abandonment issues because of an incident etched in her mind and that is becoming a vicious circle for her. We see how in the sessions, our therapist Dr. Jehangir "Jug" Khan, pulls out a lot of wisdom, and helps her cope.

While the movie deals with only one of the major aspects of our lives "abandonment issues", I feel that it encourages the likes of us (the new age, always running) people to stop and evaluate our lives, to really think about things that matter and to let go.
And yes it does touch upon the chord of mind illnesses being a tabboo in our society and how it is time to really embrace our pshycological needs as a part of our health issues. In an interview that I read of Gauri Shinde, she empahsises on the fact that it is important to recogonize the fact that sometimes we are not okay. That we are emotionally drained and that too should be recogonized as a legit reason to stay home,

For someone like me, who does believe in power of therapy, because I have been through it, this movie really did tug my heart strings. It was not preachy, just practical. Alia Bhatt and SRK have given great performances, and if you really go with an open heart and an open mind you will come out with a lot of points to ponder, and some that you may want to really inculcate in your daily life!

So, go see this movie for a refereshing break from the usual cinema that you watch and for some life changing lessons, that you may like!