May-Day!

The entire month of May has (almost) gone, without me posting a single post.
If I say that I have been meaning to write, that would sound like an excuse to you, but for me that is the fact.. that I have been meaning to write. About what, that I don't know.

The social issues. The emotional issues. The relationships, the dynamics, and the changes.
Life in general, and life specifically fucking me over and over again.

I am coping. Pretty well.
Taking the help that is required to cope in such scenarios.

I miss being in Delhi, where the heat kills you, and not the humidity.
I miss being Delhi because of lack of doing anything better. I have no friends.
The brothers shall move out of the city by the end of summers. And, then, the moral support shall be gone too.

My best friend got lost somewhere, when he turned into my husband, and I am trying to find him.

Also, looking for the happily ever after.. any address?

Message..

Hey Fellow bloggers,

I am reading all the blogs.. but the IT policy makes it a pain in the ass to post comments. Will try and comment soon.

Love,
Me


PS: Too many things to share.
Hope to update soon :)

Just observations..questions and randomness

I wanted to give a prologue to this post, but then I typed and deleted content.. wondering how to start a conversation.. so, there is no prologue.. just random observations, questions and randomness in general... (I have too many things to say, to talk about.. but well, just can't seem to turn them into full fledged posts, so, just posting a couple of things that I have been thinking about lately..)

• So, I realised that, I am not too fond of change. (This realization should have dawned to me when I moved   to Mumbai, unfortunately, I am a slow kind of person). Or maybe, too many changes are happening, and I am unable grasp the situations and things that are changing. The change not only being tangible in nature, but also otherwise. I think, I look like a lost puppy even when there is a change in relationship dynamics caused by third party influences or sources or for that matter by a third party altogether. Like for example, I am sitting here in Mumbai, while BFF is getting prepped up for her upcoming wedding, and if at all I don't talk to her (either on FB, phone, or whatsapp..) I feel as if I am not being a good friend, and even worse are the times when I message her and there is no reply. If there is no reply, then I feel as I have done something stupid to offend her.. without realising that she may actually be busy. Busy with her Fiance, or her new family or just in office. I feel so much like an outsider in her life all of a sudden, just because I am in a different city, that I am left in anxiety. *Someone, something, put some sense back in me.. *

• I met this head of HR a couple of weeks of back, and it was fun chatting with this guy. He told me that he belongs to a small town and moved to Mumbai about 40 years back and still doesn't considers Mumbai as his home. When I told him that I am from Delhi and I recently moved to Mumbai, he said, I can understand that being in Mumbai would give you a cultural shock (This, when Delhi doesn't come in the category of a "small town" [no offence to anyone]) and I gave a confused smile back.. to which he replied, that "Mumbai is very mechanical" and that somehow he just can't digest that fact, because in his hometown, everything was different. To which I had to agree, that Mumbai indeed is very mechanical and superficial (in a lot of ways). And then came the shocker, when he said "I hope that you don't become a Mumbaite".. to which I replied "I have 26 years of hard core Delhi in me, being a Mumbaite will take quite a while, if at all that would happen". (Why this HR person is important, you all shall know, in due course). Nevertheless, the conversation left me uneasy about being in a city where emotions are superficial, time is a quantity that is rare, and travelling is nothing but a monotonous routine. And every time I think of this conversation, that scene from Munnabhai MBBS, when Sunil Dutt comes to Mumbai and a thief picks his pocket and he catches him, and how he threatens the thief to hand him over to the "Frustrated Mumbai Public" flashes before my eyes. Somehow, howsoever hard I try, Mumbai can't be home. And, well, I found a sorta of an explanation of my thought process in a blog post , which you can check out here---> "What is home in a connected age? "

• Did I tell you about my new friend? The one who I met while trying to tell help her find a train to her house, which is like 5 minutes from my house.. So, she has been my lifeline in a friendless Mumbai. She and I work also 5 mins away from each other and try to go back together. So, the other day we sat and had coffee.. and just chatted away to glory and then she showed me around the local market. The way she was talking to the shop keepers, reminded me of how I was when I was in Delhi. Well, she is like me in lot of ways. Actually, I see the carefree and the bubbly me in her :) .. gives me a feel good factor and at the same time a lump forms in my throat. 

• We threw our first ever "House- Party" on the 4th Month Anniversary, it was a huge deal for both Hubby and me, and we succeeded. :D Now, I really hope that I can call the family over soon :) 

• The Office both in Delhi & Mumbai has been in the buzz buzz mode, amongst my friends in Delhi, MAG has quit. So, that takes the count to 7 in the Delhi office. The promotions that were announced last Friday left a lot to be desired. And, that means, a lot more resignations are on their way. MDR was promoted again this year. SNM wasn't. And, that is really really a bad thing, because, a chappy, much junior to SNM, was promoted as a Senior Associate and he with 5+ years in experience has not been promoted. It is a huge hit to his self-esteem. Oh, and adding to the misery is the fact that the raises are not happening for the next 3 months. Also, the rumor has it that PC is looking out too, to move out. If that happens, then the Firm is gonna lose out on great talent. 

• I am going to Delhi.. alas just for 3 days, with the Hubby this time. And, I can't wait to be home, and meet my friends. Especially, the BFF and the girls from office :). 

• So, one day in the shower, this thought stuck me.. (the reason being the "Havell's" advertisement), that it is so difficult for the husband to understand that the wife wants to go as often as possible to her mum's house.Without offending anyone, I just want to say- That when it comes to the husband, it is very difficult for him make a decision to leave behind his parents and move to a different house (after shaadi, assuming that they stay in the same house after shaadi ), even more when it is the house where the husband has grown up.. similarly, when a a girl comes to the new house, one can't expect her to not be attached to her childhood memories and to the place where she has grown up, a place, which has made her what she is today. Even though, Husbands make fun of the wives running off to her own house often, and also enjoy the freedom, a lil understanding of this thought, will make em a lil more emphatic towards the wife and will also give a new dimension to the relationship.  

See, too many thoughts criss-crossing the mind.. some which have absolutely no sense at all.. the thing about life they say is, that it moves on :) 

So, lets hope that my mind clears and I have full fledged thoughts to put down in a post. 

Cheers till then :) 

 

First Quarter ..up..

April is already here. And oh boy, three months of the newest year are already over.
(I think every time April arrives, this exclamation of the fact that so much time elapsed invariably comes to our mind).

So, Holi came and went. It was the first Holi after shaadi, a rather mundane and forgettable affair that was. And a lot of changes are under-way, in life, in attitudes and being the person who I am.

Will update you all, soon.

Till then enjoy the heat :)

A tale of two girls

They were born 5 months apart.
In the same family but to different mothers.
They were polar opposites.
One was the dark beauty, the other a lil fair. One was an absolute extrovert and the other an introvert.
But they both had long black hair that reached below their waist.
They were in the same school, from the day that they started their education. In kindergarden, because they wanted new bags, they tore each others..
Not a festival or a birthday went by, without them being together.
They were "first cousins", but one look by a stranger, and they would assume that the girls are twins. Inseparable.

They both hated the fact that they were always protected. So at the age of 12, they decided that they would elope to South America as soon as they turned 18, and live with the freedom that they always desired.
At 15, things changed. Sorrow touched their soul.
At 16, the sorrow hit them again. This time at the magnitude that one cannot even imagine.
And finally, once the heart began settle, and come out of the sadness that they recieved, they decided once again to follow the dreams of their freedom. Of the shackles that the family had tied them into.
They changed their aims and their dreams, so that they could just be themselves and chase happiness over the family pressures of having a mundane and a usual career. The 17th year was finally the one where they were going to put their foot down, and finally live a life that they had dreamnt of together.
South America seemed a far away dream, but a hostel around the university seemed viable.
As they waited for their 12th Standard result, the plans of being independent were discussed in hushed tones and excited voices.
And then maybe a week before the results, one of them vanished. Left. Leaving the other in a lurch. In pain, and in utter disbelief that the one who she shared her soul with could break the promise that she had made.
The one left  behind looked for clues, re played the events of the night of the disappearance, wondering what went wrong. But, she had no way of finding the truth. The answers were hid. The questions buried and the family just increased the protection for the one left behind. The fence, while allowed her to breathe, was no longer her interest. She was left alone to fend for her freedom, and she did have the courage to break hearts of the people who were already crushed under the disappearing act of one of the two.
The one left behind, still looks for answers. Still cluthches to the hope that one day, her soul-mate, her sister, her friend and her confidant will come back and tell her that, she needed her space to sort her mind, and that she is back to take the other one away. 

Maybe

I should be a little more mean.

I would really appreciate if people appreciate when I go out of my way to accommodate them.
Mostly, in the aforesaid events I am called the fool because, I am the one who ends up getting hurt.
Why take a chance?

Right! 

Remembering my idol..

Yesterday, it was the death anniversary of my Dada ji, my paternal grandfather.
It has been 11 long years, since the day all our lives changed.
It was the year that, actually changed me as a person also. I had never experienced death so close to me.

I think that whatever little sanity that I have in me is thanks to my Dadu, and the fact that I think that I am a princess is also thanks to him.
He would never let me go to the kitchen, or be around things that were dangerous.
He used to take my to India International Center, for absolutely delightful lunches and fancy dinners in their dining hall, where kids were hardly allowed. I was always asked to behave like a lady. Till today, if by any fortune I get to go there, a lump always forms in my throat, remembering the great years of being simple and loving.
The fact that we used to go out of the city for "Summer Vacations", was also thanks to him. He loved to take us for holidays all over the northern part of the country.
He loved weddings. And my mum loves weddings. There is no second guessing, why I just LOVE weddings.

I never saw him raising his voice or his hands at any of his grand children, I have never heard that he did that to his children either. He had friends that were always for life. He wrote letters. Was fascinated by an electronic typewriter and absolutely amazed at "Cut, Copy & paste" feature in the computers.

No one in any corner of my immediate family or extended family on any side ever criticized him.. all of us have such fond memories of the times that we have had with him.

And, trust me when I say that, he probably would have been over the moon seeing me getting married.

I miss him.
And one of the thoughts that provoked me to write about him was..  (he used to always tell me to calm down ;))

A CUP OF COFFEE

An interesting fact of physics:

If you yelled for 8 years, 7 months and 6 days, you would have produced enough sound energy to heat one cup of coffee.

Hardly seems worth it, does it?

It is a supposed fact of physics but also a corollary of spirit.

Most fussing, yelling, and cursing causes far more harm than good and usually isn’t worth the effort. All of the good it does over the years probably isn’t worth a cup of hot coffee.

The next time you are inclined to huff and puff and blow off steam by raising your voice with five minutes of yelling at something or someone, remember with another 8 years, 7 months, 5 days,

23 hours and 55 minutes of yelling, you could have a cup of hot java.

Is the hot cup of coffee worth stirring up with anger? 

Coffee doesn’t hear you. People do. And it only takes one second of yelling to heat them up.

Keep your cool, coffee is not the only thing that’s ground up