Being true to yourself

I read the following lines some where:
"Being true to yourself is such a lie. Everyone has a short term self and a long term self. And if one is true to their short term self, then their long term self slowly decays. "

So, can I be true to myself? Can I answer the very question that is the core of everyone 's being.
So, of you ask me," Are you happy? " ; would I be able to without a  second thought say, Yes.

I doubt. My happiness has become a jumble of complicated situations that I can't seem to answer.
If there was a single solution to all the problems. If there was one little thing that I could change, and all would be back one track, Life would become much less complicated and happiness would come easy.
But if there was a single point solutions to all the life's problems then that would make it easy peasy. And that really is not the grand plan of the universe.

So, how do I answer the most coveted question ever?
Should I explain the situation that I am in...? Maybe that would make it comparatively easier to gauge as to what is tugging my heart strings.
Or Maybe I should analyse a little more.. Or maybe I should just stop analysing anything at all.

I do know something though, that every time I look in the mirror, I hardly find myself there any more.
Some bits are there, but hardly do I find that girl with that spunk, with the dreams to conquer the world. Each if the bits are going.. One by one.
I look in my eyes and I lie to my own self. I point out the girl who was there. And smugly get going.

But the heart tugs. Yet again.

The proof, of me being not me is, that I am silently crying in the office bathroom as I write this only to go out and get working again.

Yes, being true to yourself is a lie.

Stuck in traffic

I am in Delhi for another whirlwind of a weekend, wherein the moment I blink it will get over and I will be back k to Mumbai.
This has become a weird routine, I land in Delhi more dejected than excited because I know that I will have to go back.
The weird thing being that I want to go back to my husband. To my dog and even though arguably it's not our house, still the four walls which currently are home. Then a week 10 days follow when I am still home hungover and as soon as life is slightly normal it's time to come back here again.
This time and the rest of the planned trips this year involve the husband (but not the dog, sadly) and it is fun.
Sometimes I wonder what if had we been in Delhi then would we have saved the travel expenses for at least the trips here? But knowing us, we would have spent it travelling elsewhere but then that would have been travelling delight for us.
Sometimes I wonder what would happen if we move outside the country.. I will probably die of longing for coming back home of seeing my parents and my dadi ma. Of missed family functions and birds, deaths and weddings.
And then when the husband tries to take a concrete step towards this moving.. I dissuade him, wondering if our adventure of staying away has already ended.. And it is time to find feet on the ground.
I am swinging between the idea of having an international stint where I can let go, cook for the husband actually take care of the house maybe have a kid also there and he can be a national of that country and the idea of biting the dust to familiarity of everyday life.
Funny thing is that I was not that adventurous when I was unmarried.
Marriage does have its weird side effects.

Practical Decisions

You know those times when you are actually not sure about anything in life.
When you know that you are not really happy about making the career moves that you are making, but have to because those are more 'practical'.
On one hand you see the people living their lives on the side of the road and you reassure yourself that you will make it. And in the next moment in your office washroom you hear two of your colleagues saying that a 800 rupee hair cut is so expensive and you realise that, that is the minimum that you have paid for so many years. And then, you are scared that soon you will be on that side.
Only to realise, that you are already on that side.
When shopping is indulging and every penny spent from the salary makes you cry- Why.
And then you don't know, how to deal with these frustrations.. And by evening you are ready to forget, and take one more practical decision and move on.

Scared

You normally don't say, 

when things don't go according to,

how you state, 

you silently brood,

mostly buried in your phone.

So, when you do burst, 

like a volcano, active, 

after being dormant, 

you make for a scary sight,

taking your fury out,

with a full might.

I don't know,

what ticks you off any more, 

maybe that is the reason, 

why I don't say anything, 

any more. 

I want to tell you,

that I ain't feeling loved, 

it doesn't mean, that you haven't loved me,

before, 

but off late, there is no love, 

anywhere, anymore.

I get angry, 

I burst out, right there, 

making sure that I am heard, 

and then like it starts, 

all that anger subsides,

because, there is no respite, 

from things as to how you want,

without letting me in, 

in your world now.

There are things that I wish to share,

but then when I turn to you, 

I stare, 

at the backside of the ipad, 

when you are enjoying your "me time", 

leaving me to wonder, 

if at all, there is ever going to be,

some time slotted, 

for "us", for the time being. 

You care for your sanity, 

I care for sanctity, 

of a relationship that enjoins two people,

in love, health, sickness, and loneliness. 

I start to speak, 

wondering if you would care,

to listen to more complaints of the, 

love that lacks, 

without the blame, that,

I have forgotten the past, 

your anger, 

the brood scares me, 

again,

and I shut up. 

Only to stare at the back of the,

ipad,

Yet again!

Congratulations India.. You have finally Decided! (Election Results 2014)

India Shining!

That was the phrase that was coined by the National Democratic Alliance a.k.a the NDA, led by the BJP in the last and the last to last elections.

This time, they decided to put forth a model of India Shining, a practical example of that in Narendra Modi’s Gujarat, making Indians wanting more. And it worked like a charm. As I am writing this, the roads are empty (in Mumbai, Delhi is a mayhem), the news channels have declared Narendra Modi the PM, and unlike in 2004 where, a lot of Mathematics had to be done for the UPA led government to come to power, and a little less Math was done in 2009, it seems, that BJP has swept the nation in a single stroke and would not require any number crunching or pleading with alliances.

Which is a good thing. A ready alliance, with BJP garnering the maximum votes means that the policy paralysis that is usually the hallmark of the alliance led government shall not be a problem here. What however, may (please note that the operative word here is may) is the internal conflicts between the senior crop of the BJP leaders and the younger and the more dynamic lot of the BJP.

While, the entire nation hopes for the economy to get back into gear (just the estimates of the poll results have made the sensex hit a new high and the rupee has gone into the late fifties against the dollar), I hope that like the hype that AAP created around AK, Modi doesn’t disappoint. The BJP leaders have to learn to live that the country voted for them because they wanted Mr. Modi at helm, and not because they see any merit in them. Now, they should deliver on their own merits and make sure that they do not break the trust of the billion plus people in the largest democracy in the world.

I have to give credit to Modi for breaking in to the states like Uttar Pradesh, and showing the likes of Mulayam Singh Yadav and the Clan and Mayawati and the Clan, that you have to work hard and show results. Just by giving free laptops and erecting your own monuments you won’t gain anything. It has been after ages that any national party has broken ground in the area of regional parties and have shoved them out. The whole equation now for the state level politics has changed. A new lease of life maybe for the states from where maximum parliamentarians come and sit in the Lok Sabha, hopefully, thing will improve for the rural India.

There is a lot riding on these elections, the youth came out voted and they voted for change, one way or the other, they wanted the stagnancy at the Centre to go, and a new breath of air be introduced. With such numbers that are being projected, BJP will come out as the single largest party, and if they end up reaching the magic number without the support of the allies, it will be the first time since Indira Gandhi that a single party would win the majority, and that is what one of the concerns is.

With a fractured opposition, and not a care in the world about the alliance pulling down the government, the nation has entrusted the Modi led BJP with a huge responsibility and I really hope that they do not play with the trust of the nation and actually do what they have been entrusted to do.

None of the youngsters in the present digital age, would want a repeat of Indira Gandhi’s regime, when she put a clamp down on the media and the freedom of speech. A 2002, already haunts Mr. Modi, a 1984 haunts the INC, none of us want that a repeat of either of that takes place, and therefore all hope is that, how Ram Mandir was buried somewhere in the back of the BJP manifesto, Narendra Modi, also makes sure that, the Ram Mandir issue doesn’t hog any limelight over the economy and the infrastructure, over the promises of health and jobs and a better country.

For, a man, who used technology to its full potential, the youth hopes that the redundant and absolutely out of context IT Act, is changed to make it more tolerant. And, most of all, the moral policing that the RSS, shiv sena are so famous for, is not endorsed by the man who believes in the modernity, and fighting the moral brigade doesn’t become an everyday battle for the youth.

That while fast forwarding the economy, Narendra Modi, keeps an open mind to everything, and yes it also includes the FDI policy.

While Modi fought over incumbency, I hope that he makes sure that he weaves his magic to make sure that the files move fast and the permissions in genuine cases granted faster.

That while, he is ready to embrace the responsibility to safeguard our borders and reduce the terror threats, he does not endorse the witch hunt that ensued in USA after the 9/11 attacks, and does not endorse the alleged fake encounters.

My problem with the entire Modi mania was that, I do not like the cult following, because when you are following because everyone else is doing the same thing, then there is no diversity. Whenever, through the last one year anybody asked me, who do I support if not Modi, I replied, that I do not support any party, if I would vote, I will vote for the person who has either worked for my constituency or who shows that potential. I won’t take my decision basis the speech that one leader has given, because at the level of my constituency my representative matters more than the PM candidate.

Thus, like I said before, the rest of the BJP leaders have to learn to live with a fact that it is not their work or their charismas that worked in their favor but the Modi factor, and now their responsibilities are even more to prove that they can actually deliver on behalf of the one man that won them the world (literally).

Congratulations India, you have voted and now the results out and clear. A run for a very new and a highly controversial person begins.

A big responsibility, the entire nation awaits to see what he delivers!

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Disclaimer:

The views expressed in this article are purely my own. They are not intended to provoke or hurt anyone.

Z is for zealous

Passion.
To the extent of making it a part of your life. To make something so much a part of you  and your being, is being zealous.

I have never had that kind of passion, love, the push to make something that I believe in my life.

I wish though, I had that courage to pursue something that I believed in.

Actually, I needed to believe in something in order to have been zelous about..

I had actually thought that I would not be able to finish this challenge as well.. But something, something inspired me to move forth and complete this challenge.

I can't thank A to Z Challenge enough for rekindling my romance with my blog once again.

Y is for You

I walk alone,

In a path that is so unknown,

Falling, stumbling, and getting along,

Holding hands of my dear daddy all along,

And then came YOU,

Stumbling, falling, but yet walking,

I fell,

You gave me your hand,

I stood up, You smiled,

THE smile, that made my heart,

Flutter along…

You proposed an idea,

That maybe we should walk,

Together, You said,

We may be able to find a path,

You put your hand out,

I took it,

Shook it, and we became friends,

To walk the path;

Unknown, stumbling, but walking along;

Then the realization dawned;

Sheepish to begin with, I blurted it out loud,

I liked the feel of your hand in mine,

You in turn blushed and agreed;

A few more steps we took,

Treading yet, again a path unknown,

Still you held on,

You supported, pushed me,

To excel, to reach out, and to be more;

Daddy was still there,

His encouragement, always coupled,

With Your push, making an

Achievement more meaningful than ever;

Years passed;

We fought,

You Held, I tried to shake of Your hand,

You still held, till I relented,

Accepted that my stupidity is what led me astray,

Then you popped the question,

With a ring,

A cake, but mostly with Love,

That poured, pure and nothing more.

It was a YES!

A joyous occasion, made even more,

By YOU, yet again!

 

Today, we are still walking a path,

Unknown to say the least,

Yet, We hold on!

It is You, who makes me,

The whole I am;

Love riddled with questions,

Questions without answers,

In a journey of life, together,

Now & Forever,

I am exultant,

To say the least,

That my fellow traveller,

Lover, friend is none other,

But YOU..

In a path so unknown,

Walking, stumbling, but still Holding On.

 

 

X is for X-Mas

The greatest  thing about being in India is that we get holidays for all the festivals possible , whilst there are certain festivals that are celebrated all over the country with a fervour, there are some which are confined to a certain state or a region.

X Mas, is one of the festivals that celebrated with a lot of enthusiasm all over India. It is the Winter Holiday season, and while thanks to the MNC culture it means that offices have very little to no work, the schools have an off, and Santa Claus comes calling to each one of the houses irrespective of the caste culture creed or beliefs.

There is no difference in India, in between the celebrations of Diwali & X Mas.
We just wish, that the rest of the western world would also appreciate the beauty of celebrating a festival that is not your own, but is adopted because of the many many people of that culture becoming a part of that country. 

W is for Waste

What did you waste today?
A lot of time,
staring into the nothingness,
of dreaming a dream,
that is nothing more than,
a waste of dreams...

So what did you waste today?
A lot of money,
in buying the fancy shoes,
that I wont wear again,
But what do I do..
The shoes, are what bring me,
the hollow happiness.
But Happiness nevertheless.

So what did you waste today?
A little bit of food,
a lot of water, and a good amount of
electricity;
I have the means, I shall pay,
and I shall not conserve,
Tomorrow is unknown,
Live today is what I believe!

Just Imagine,
had our parents wasted it all,
the money, the time,
the resources,
would we have had any?
The time to waste,
the money to waste,
and the resources to plunder!

Let us think, twice!
Make time your friend,
dream the dream,
live the dream,
donate a smile,
adopt a pet..
Love a lot..
Because, when you love in excess,
you ain't wasting anything,
You are just gaining,
More love, more happiness,
More dreams!

V is for Virtues, Vanity & Vice

Let us try and define the terms,

Virtue, Vanity and Vice!

Lets start with the most sought one,

The virtue they say is what

shall make us and the almighty one..

I wonder though, when He put us on earth,

If He whispered about the acts as virtuous,

Or are these just made for us, by us,

To believe in the concept of a heaven and a hell!

 

Vanity, they say is nothing too nice,

But I feel, it was makes me feel,

Like a nice aged wine,

Perfect to the core,

It makes one believe,

In their ability to take on the world!

Am I ready to take world by storm?

Na, it’s too much of work,

I’d rather sit and stir a storm,

In my own little world!!

 

If you have a vice,

You are not very nice!

But it is the nasty things,

That add the spice,

To the otherwise,

Boring, mundane and the repetitive

Life!

 

My virtues, vanity & vices,

Are all that I have,

Those have made me,

Who I am!

Love me or hate me,

But never belittle me..

I abide by my virtues, my vanity and vices,

Because it is not you,

But I,

Who shall face the Almighty,

For all the deeds done by thy!

 

 

U is for Unique

Unique. Different.
We all have two eyes,  a nose, a pair of lips, teeth, ears, arms, legs.. Yet, each one of us looks different.
Each one of us is unique.
We all have different talents. We all have different weights , heights, different thoughts, and different goals.

Our uniqueness comes from the DNA that we posses. The combinations of them being so vast that all billion trillion of us are different from each other.

Yet, at the end of the day,  we are all bound by the same values of love, trust, humanity and happiness. Our goals maybe different but at the end of the day we all want a nice house, a great family, contentment and happiness.
And still, there are wars. There is racial differentiation.

Isn't it sad that instead of being amazed and instead of appreciating the differences of each other, we are rising hell to make us all into one sect of similar people.

T is for Time pass

Time Pass, a word coined by the Mumbai junta which means to pass your time by anything and everything other than what you are supposed to do.

In a city which is always running, time pass means to stay in office beyond the hours just chit chatting in the name of work.
Or sleeping in the train while on or back from work.

The short form is TP karna.
Usage.. 'Chal TP karte hain'

It took me a while to get used to this lingo. What is the lingo that you got used to when you were in a new city?

S is for Sugar-coating

To sugar-coat means to make something less appealing more appealing.

How many times have you sugar coated your harsh realities to yourself in order to live and breathe, in order to just survive.
I haven't read the bible, but once in a TV series about bible, there was this story about how a woman is boiling stones in the water over the stove, and fooling her little child to believe that it was food that was being cooked. She sugar coated the reality about how there was no food in the house to child, till he fell asleep, thinking that his mom would wake him up when the food was ready.

We all sugar coat our lives so much, that we often forget the reality that we need to face.
The facts that stare back at us, glaring, jarring, the ones that we choose to ignore.

The crack in the relationships.
We paint it up to the world, to the kids, to the family.
We don't really discuss the issue, we brush it under the carpet.

The dwindling bank balance.
In this case, we choose to close our eyes, and hope that the money will automatically multiply.
Of course, the salary will come at the end of the month. But instead of being frugal about it, we spend. Without a thought about the building credit or the savings or of the future.

We live in times, when we sugar coat so much, that we forget. We live. But we forget nevertheless.

What do you feel happens, when you sugar coat??

R is for Role-Play

Born into the arms of love,

Hopefully a child of love,

Ah, I am being hailed as a daughter,

That surely means that I am loved.

 

I am a daughter I am told,

The one who holds the flag

Of not one but of two families high,

 

I am the sister,

I tie the rakhi to my brother,

Because it is he who is the protector,

But it is I who has to protect,

To shield him, from the parents,

After a brawl at school, or a drunken night out

With his friends;

 

I am the wife to the one,

With whom I am to spend the rest of my life,

Holding fort for him and his family alike,

 

Then I am a mother,

Giving birth to new life,

Protecting it nurturing it,

Hoping for the best for the rest of her life;

 

And, then, I lie in the bed,

Ready to embrace thy death,

Satisfied that I have played all the roles,

(hoping) really well;

I close my eyes,

To reflect the past,

To see me playing the roles;

Of daughter, sister,

Wife, and mother;

 

And then I jolt back up,

Only to realize,

That all my life,

I was nothing, but a ‘role’,

In someone else’s life;

 

Who was I? Where was I?

The woman who loved to dance,

The one who had dreams to lead,

The next super power;

The one, who thought, that,

There was no end to possibilities;

Till of course, came the game to role play;

 

Playing all the roles only too well,

Losing yourself, immersing yourself,

In characters assigned to me;

Forgetting who I was, and now,

Not believing,

Who I am!

 

What is life, but role play,

The Seven Stages, called by

Shakespeare;

 

Don’t empower us to freedom;

Just empower us to believe,

That,

There is more to us;

Than,

Mere role plays!

Q is for Queen

This post is not about the Queen of England, but about a movie that released sometime last month titled as "Queen". 

A story of a girl named Rani (translates to Queen in English), whose fiance leaves her because she is not like him any more, two days before the marriage and how she goes to her honeymoon all by herself. 

It is not a journey about her finding new love, and getting her fiance jealous, and winning her love back. 

This movie is about her journey to find her own self. Realising the value of the fact, that it is so important to respect yourself, your wishes in order to find true happiness. 

This movie has won the accolades of the critics as well as the audience. 

My guess is that , most of us could relate to the journey that Rani took.. The one of self discovery, of learning how love yourself, of embracing the differences that each culture brings, and how friendship knows no language, no boundaries and how important the journey is and not the destination. 

In a life, where we are stifled by the expectations of the society, it is so important to know and understand that no one is entitled to love you like you can love yourself. 

That it is very important to give yourself the respect that you deserve so that you can achieve the dreams that you want to achieve and not what the society wants you to achieve!

With fabulous performances by Kangna Ranout and the rest of the crew, this movie is definitely a classic, not to be missed. 

P is for Personal Space

That little space around you, which no one can touch.
Your inner most thoughts,
The ones, delved deep in your heart,
etched in your memory,
Just for you.

Dreams, that remain,
closed behind your shut eye,
forced to be abort,
because of the circumstances.

But in your personal space,
in a world of your own,
you live them,
unfold them, and then pack them,
back to when the reality strikes.

Sometimes in life,
there comes that someone,
to whom you bear it all,
the unfulfilled dreams,
the secret goals, to have it all..

In a bid to win that trust,
you only hope, that,
your bare soul, is not Hurt,
that your heart does deserve,
to be heard..

And, then, you start creating,
again a personal space,
from the one to who,
you bared it all..
Wall him again,
from the thoughts that are,
yours, only yours alone,
and dreams yet again,
lived in your own,
Personal Space.

Till the time comes,
again,
to bare is all out..
to some one else!

O is for Objectively

“Now, Now, let us look at this objectively. “

I wonder, how can anyone be objective to any situation. Of course, unless you are a complete third party to it, and you lose nothing, in giving an unbiased, uninfluenced opinion on something. But, when the stakes are high, and that too your stakes, I wonder, how an opinion can be objective.

When you are a judge in a competition, how can you not have a favourite? How can you not like someone over the other.

In another scenario, when you are judge presiding over legal proceedings, giving a sentence to someone, granting the custody of a child to one parent over the other, how can you not be disturbed by your own conscience?

India is currently undergoing elections. The ruling party is definitely going out. They have done their bit for 10 years. The next big thing that is being hailed for the betterment of India is Narendra Modi.

And, even though he claims that he has taken his state Gujarat (for which he is a CM) from zero to hero, there are contradictory accounts to that from the citizens staying there. There is a constant battle on, on the social media websites, where his supporters clash with his opposers. News channels and media reports are rubbished. His albatross you ask, the 2002 Gujarat Riots, where Hindu & Muslims were killed. He was the CM then. He is the CM of Gujarat now and from the way it is being touted, it seems he will be the next PM.

Even though the judicial enquiry and Special Investigation Team’s reports and Supreme Court of India have given him a clean chit, he himself has not even once in the last 12 years come out and either claimed responsibility (being the CM, the law and order was his responsibility ) or said sorry.

Whenever, I share an article or articulate my feelings and thoughts about this albatross, I am often asked to look at things objectively and that I should really move on to the real issues of development.

Yes, I agree that his capitalist and money making outlook along with his stringent personality traits are  total opposite to that of our current PM, who is also called the mute PM, puppet PM to say the least, will put India on the front foot for the economic recovery.

My question only is, that by looking at everything so objectively, I hope we are not putting at the helm a man, without a conscience for whom there is no worth of the human life.

All I hope is that, in the quest of money, we are not selling our soul to the devil.

N is for NO.

No.

A combination of two alphabets that make a really strong statement. It clears the air, and most importantly it clearly demonstrates your intentions to not to do or ant something.

But still, saying NO is the hardest task in the world.

You can’t say No, to your boss because you fear your next promotion and bonus. You don’t say No to your children, lest you face a retribution for not spending enough time with them. You don’t say No to that friend of yours, who you know always puts you down and is leeching off you, and your life, fearing a lack of social life.

No, is the negative word, and we all fear it for all the wrong reasons.

As a woman here in India, I am a privileged to have had a supportive family and now a supportive husband, who understands when I tell him, No.

No, maybe for a trip, a meeting with friends or family for that matter, and even when I say NO, to doing the household chores and sex.

But, alas, there are so many of us, who do not stand up and say No, No to the domestic violence, fearing the stigma attached to walking out from your husband’s house, No to submitting to his urges of sex , fearing a slap from him, irrespective of your own condition or mood at that time.

No, to that male boss, who is a lecher, and will talk to your boobs rather than to you. No, to that bastard on the street who will watch you from a distance, and unclothe you every time you walk past him.

We women have been fed lies all our lives, about the stigmas, about the shunning and about the society in general. Had we started saying No, earlier, had we started fighting against the unwanted gaze, the unwanted touch, that first slap in the fit of anger, we would not have been struggling now.

But alas, there are so many of us, the ones, who are always taught to say yes because they have never been exposed to the world where a No exists. But, I pity for the likes of me, the ones who have the education, the malls, the travelling, the friends, the internet.. and yet they choose to stay on. In an abusive work environment, in an abusive relationship;  struggling, daily to look in their own eyes and unable to answer their own conscience.

I wish that we all could give each other the strength to say the word NO.

To walk with our heads held high in a society of equals.   

     

 

M is for Memories

On days which are bleak and dull,

When all you can feel,

Is being numb..

I close my eyes,

Delve deep in my heart,

And go romance my memories.

 

Feel the flutter of the hearts,

As I felt the first rush of falling in love,

And the butterflies, when finally, we kissed.

The sadness, of losing the ones you love,

And the euphoria of the childhood dreams,

Dreamt under the summer sun.

 

You can’t change the past they say,

Nor the future that has already been writ,

You can though, in your present, start

Making the memories that make you who you are,

They give you the strength to love,

The rage to hate,

The reason to sometimes move on,

But mostly,

Memories are the moments captured,

In your heart and mind,

Which can be accessed, any time,

Day or night,

For us to see, feel..

And be one,

With the ones, who we cannot be one with,

 With our forgotten selves,

And the life gone by..

L is for Lucky

Are you lucky?

Lucky in Love?

Lucky in life?

You, know the kinds who stands on the busy street on a Monday morning and hails a taxi to the work. The one who gets their project passed without a hitch.

Or are you the kinds who doesn’t really care, who knows that if you leave 10 minutes before the peak hours you would get your transport, and reach the office on time. And of course know that hard-work pays  and thus, if the project has been passed, then it is because of your own hard-work and nothing else.

In a country that is riddled with superstitions and too much of population , often the selection and non-selection basis the marks and the interviews is credited to the luck factor that you have.

I remember, when the whole “me getting married to non-settled Bengali instead of a rich fat Punjabi” debate was going on in the family, my paternal aunt just said, “you know, when your Uncle and I got married, I was still in college, and your Uncle was also not making tons of money, just enough. And then he chanced upon a job in Abu Dhabi, and things changed, and we lucked out”.

They very well did luck out at that time. They were in middle east at the right time, and then moved to the states at the right time and when the economic conditions moved up here in India, she and her family moved back temporarily though.

Did they just luck out? I mean, they did make the most of what was presented to them. Their kids did work their ass off.

But, then, I also work hard. So does the husband. So does my dad. But we haven’t lucked out the way my aunt and her family did.

And, while we work hard, scraping through the month, hoping to have a handle on our finances.. I just wonder, if we will ever luck out strike gold.

What about you? You feel Lucky??

K is for Kanyadaan

Kanya means Daughter.
Daan means Charity.

And together, it basically means the ritual of giving your daughter away in marriage. In India, this is considered to be the most noble form of charity.

And it is from here that all goes down hill.

The daughter is considered a burden in Indian house holds, because not only does the father have to get the daughter married, it also means to give so much in dowry. Yes, even if it illegal.

One of the reasons is the nomenclature of the ritual, calling it to give your daughter away in charity. Had this been named something else, anything else, which did not mean that when you get your daughter married, you are doing charity, and that you will get rewarded from God because of this charity.

In the olden golden era, the women were allowed to choose their own husbands, this was called Swayamwar.
Swayam meaning Self
War meaning groom.
This was based on competitions, or various other methods. Sometimes, the princes were invited for the swayamwar, and they just made merry, till the princess was ready to choose her prince.
However, the giving away of the daughter was still called "Kanyadaan".
From whatever, I understand, the reason, why Kanyadaan was called as what it is, because, for the parents it was the most difficult thing for the parents to send their daughters away.
By the middle ages, however, the concept got diluted and the women became a burden.

Things are slowly changing, finally. When will the change happen in totality, God only knows, but for the time being, I feel, despite the nomenclature, the thoughts with respect to giving away daughters is equivalent to charity should change amongst the youth.
  

J is for Jealousy

       J-E -A-L-O-U-S-Y

Jealousy has the lousy in it, in any case. So yeah, the emotions that are associated with it are negative, at times also remorseful.. belittling yourself.

I am human, and I am susceptible to the feeling of being Jealous. The funny thing though is, that through out the years that the husband and I were dating prior to marriage, jealousy hardly crept.

Now that we are married, I am more susceptible to the feeling of being sidelined, mostly because of the dedication and the time that he spends on his office, on his gadgets and his stupid computer games.
Facebook doesn't make life easier, what with the friends moving ahead with their lives, progressing in their careers, in their relationships.
I feel incompetent to say the least, that, we are at a stagnant point in our lives, just going through with the motions of our daily life, while the rest are buying new cars, they are travelling, or just making merry. Mind you, that doesn't mean that we don't do any of that.. except the car buying bit.. but then, the jealousy creeps in, even when it is the close friends that we are talking about.

How do I handle it?
I see. I process. I feel Jealous. Then I feel Lousy. Maybe have an argument with the husband. Brood. Sleep over it, and I am fine. Again.

It is a funny emotion so far as I am concerned, because, it does make me feel bad, but then, somehow, Husband and his arms, make the world a better place again.

How do you handle the lousy in the Jealousy??

I is for I, Me & Myself.

I.

This probably the only letter in the entire English alphabet, that renders power to the speaker.

However, over usage of “I”, also leads to ego tussles between people, where more than we, I comes into play.

But in the world that we are living in currently, everything is a fight. Everything is a want, that needs to be completed. Be it between the couples who are bound by marriage or the corporate ladder that one is climbing to better his career. Unless there is no I, you will not achieve or so is the mantra of today.

I on the other hand crave for the “I”, time, being a time away from the political and corporate slavery or for that matter running around trying to fix things, in relationships, in the house. Everywhere.

I crave for a break, where I can pamper myself without being guilty, where I can be myself, without being judged, or for that matter, without really giving a care. I wonder when will that happen.. if at all it will.

H is for Hope

Hope.

The four letters,  that have changed people. These four alphabets have made life easier for the people who are going through the worst of times. They go through hell and they come back because they keep holding on to the Hope that it shall all end well. That, this is just a phase.

For a pessimistic like me, it is very hard to really fathom about the brighter future based on hope. In the hope that all that is happening is nothing but a path towards the destiny that you are already bound to live by.

I am mesmerized and always so happy for the people who are in love with their life, who are hopeful for a future, despite the direst circumstances. It gives me strength, even if it is just a little strength, to move forth with life. Too look at my problems in a different or in a bigger perspective.

 

What is that gives you hope? To move on despite the adversities, to love your life ?  

 

 

G is for Game of Thrones (GOT)

Even though the series is titled as "A Song of Fire and Ice", it is still known by the first book of the series being the Game of Thrones.
A series set in the fantasy land of Seven Kingdoms, with a King, Queen, a lot of politics, bastard children, rightful heirs and a lot of sex.

I was never a fan. My husband followed the damn series on television. I got curious, and started reading the Book. I could never get past the first 10 minutes in the televised version of it.

I would say that I am still not a fan. Harry Potter remains the fantasy book/ movies that I reckon with. Less complicated.
However, whereas in Harry Potter there is a distinct line between the good and the bad, Game of Thrones, has enough grey to confuse between the perspectives who is right and what is right.

 GOT, has a plethora of families, houses, vying for the coveted seats, secrets that are covered for the greater good.. but in the end, all of it comes down to surviving the ruthless struggle for power, and then gaining that power.

Apt, I would say in the current Indian scenario, where the largest democracy has gone to polls, with a choice between a pappu, a mass murderer without any remorse, and an anarchist.
While they fight it out to woo the voters, this limited choice has left the country in a state of limbo, where we as the common man, do not know what the outcome is going to be, and if that outcome is going to do us any good.

In the words of Ned Stark , "Winter is Coming"

F is for Frugal, Fine, Future

Another set of connected words.
Both Frugal & Fine, define the future that we may or may not have.

All through our growing years, we either see the frugal, the one who saves for the rainy day, the one who spends just on what is necessity.. He may not have seen the world, but in his own world he is a happy man, that all his hard earned money is now a saving that he may spend, after retirement, in an age, where limitations of health often restrict the fun.

But the future, in terms of a mortgage free house, a retirement income and maybe a vacation and two finally happen.

The other kind we see, is the Fine kind, who may not have a penny in the savings, a house to call his own or for that matter, maybe not even a health insurance to cover the expenses of his flu treatment .. but instead he has a wealth of stories, a lot friends and a diverse variety of experiences that fulfil his life to the brim.

There may not be a retirement home for this kind, but definitely a lot of experiences.. of a life chasing the wild, and chasing the dreams.

Who am I? The Fine or the Frugal. I am trying to find that fine line between the Fine and the Frugal, between the experiences and a house even if the same is on a house loan, but a house nevertheless. I love to travel, but I want to have a house to come back to.

Who are you? What are your hopes and expectations from the future...!!! ??  

E is for Energy and Enthusiasm

Of which, I am totally out.
A long day, long long Day just came to an end.
With a heavy heart we dropped Sugar off to the kennel.

My mother is scared of dogs and they are coming to visit me at my marital home for the first time since I got married. Whilst am totally enthusiastic about their visit, am already drained out. 

What with sugar in the kennel, brooding husband and a day full of spring cleaning.

Energy out. Hopefully enthusiasm can make it.

D is for Daycare

I was going to write about Dreams, Desires, Darkness.. and all those mystical things that I could think of. However, one random conversation in the washroom with a colleague changed the topic.

So, I am going to talk about “Daycare”.

The facility, wherein you can leave your child for the entire day , when you are at work. It is amongst the newer concept here in India. Because, it off late that there has been a surge in the working mother’s population, and also the single mother population.

I have a working mother. I had a full time maid supervised by my super robust and awesome grandmother. My mum is a teacher, and so the number of hours are lesser. Much more flexible than those of the Multinationals.

This colleague of mine sent away her child for almost one year to her mother’s house, because, she couldn’t have left her job. And even if she could have left her job, he husband would have been alone, till the child was old enough. So she entrusted her 4 month daughter to her mother’s care in Delhi. She did not want a maid taking care of the child all by herself (maid), and her mum had to take care of her dad too, who was by himself in Delhi. The in-laws, are well independent beings. The husband has no jobs in Delhi. So the daughter was sent.

I know, how would a lot of you feel, you would say that, what was the need of having a child then? But let’s face the facts, time does run out for women. They end up compromising a lot of things, to fulfill their dreams of a happy family and a great career. I think, I salute her. My colleague. It takes a lot of courage to do what she and her husband did. To have your child looked after in her most formative months by your own mom especially when you know you can’t give that much time, is a feat in itself.

The child is back with her parents now, but she goes to the daycare now.

I don’t know, how will I ever cope up with this. My situation is no better, and we are talking (JUST TALKING) about going family way. But, at a time when our combined income is hardly enough to scrape through.. how in the world can I even think about taking a break from my job/ career? Will the husband move to Delhi, or would he let me the same step that my colleague took? I don’t think that I would want to leave my child to the only care of a maid, or that of a daycare.. not when the baby is just that a baby.

 

What do you have to say about the Daycare, upbringing??