I have had a terrible weekend.

I feel like , all that I have done the gone weekend is getting repairs done.

My internet decided that it doesn't want to work for the weekend... thus...there were phone ppl and the internet ppl hovering my house (read- MY ROOM). They got the entire wiring changed... and fuickers that they are... got my  mom pissed off because the wiring was/is not to her satisfaction... and the fault was that off the MODEM. The good part about the whole mess was that I got a wi-fi router... thus am now wi-fi.

And the next project that has been thrust to me is TIME-TABLE... my  mom being a school teacher...she is the time table incharge...and its a every year affair... and my mom is in her worst form during this time.... (Government school teachers are such bummers... they always have a problem with everything that they are to do...especially teaching... my mom btw is a yoga teacher....)

My interest level to go to college has dropped to a BIF FAT ZERO. Having no friends... no one really to talk to... and borrrrrrring lectures doesn't really add up to make a fun equation... its sucks. And yeah.. the results for the previous sem are gonna get out soon too... please pray for me....!!!

Cheers..

Truth beyond tradition...

".... I have often heard her call quitters as aimless wanderers,but not all those who wander are aimless, especially those who seek Truth beyond the walls of of tradition...."

- From the movie Monalisa Smile

The poet in me...

... recently wrote the following lines while sitting in a long boring lecture of Intellectual Property Law... Hope you like it...

"When the darkest hour is on..

my thoughts wander off,

In a land so distant,

across the stars, where...

Happiness is a permenant resident, and

love flows like a river of life;

In my dreams I see a house,

with a thatched roof, white walls and picket fence,

A girl through the window,

looking happy and content;

But dreams come and go...

Can they ever come true??"

These are the little things That I want you to do...!!!

I know that I can't be a dictator of terms when it comes to my relationships. Rather, I am the 'flexible' sorts, who doesn't really asserts herself.

Maybe that is the reason that I have so many grudges about being myself... and being frustrated about the way things move in my life. 

I cry, when I am angry, and when I am shouting. 

This is the case with my family members- Parents and younger sister.

When it come to Shayon, the only time that I have risen my voice is when maybe, my lil bit of existence is threatened by his actions.

But off late, I have been reading posts, that reflect my thoughts and my situations. I have also sent the links to Shayon. Moo's post is a typical conversation that I would like to have with my boyfriend. But, somehow, Chandni's post, and her talks on Space and importance of the same in any relationship have put me in an introspective mode....

But, today, when I read Kashvi's post on, how, her having argument really doesn't affect Ayn, I just couldn't help thinking that I am most of the time in the same situation... but then, I guess being in a 4 year old relationship, things tend to change.

I mean, I completely understand his problems and the kind of life that he is facing... but then what is the use of the whole moving to Delhi thing, when the little things that you craved for are not happening... 

So here is a list of the little things that I wish Shayon would do, so that, our love life can be spiced up....or maybe, some practical things, that will make sure that I do not get so pissed at you...

1. I know, that there was an excuse when you had the old phone, that the keypad is bad, but now that you have a blackberry, an out of the blue sweet message wont hurt. 

2. We do not need snail mails now... coz we are 15 mins away from each other, but a note or two, about anything would bring a smile on my lips.

3. I know you care for me. But, asking about my health, especially when you know I am ill, is a gentlemanly gesture.

4. I do not mind your boys nights, but, they eat on my time. What happened to the 10 mins, that were there for me,earlier...

5. You know, na, I deserved atleast a Rose, from YOU, on  Valentine's Day....??

6. The last we talked was on Marine Drive... last year... 20th of December... when are we talking next??

7. Hmmm, I know you don't care, but complimenting me on a new look or dress... or commenting on it.... really helps...!!! Trust me. It shows that you are noticing me.

8. Why don't you call me back when I am angry at you and slam the phone down... it just gets me angrier... that my anger or me taking a stand on something, even if unreasonable doesn't matter to you... and it hurts...!!!

9. I love surprises.

10. I have told you, that I do not want to end up like Aman's mom, Please, do something about your weight, about your smoking and drinking...rest, I gave you a lecture... I dunno how much you heard me...!!!

I don't want these things to happen because they are like the 10 commandments or anything... I just want you to know, that, I Loved you because, it were these very little things that had mattered to you. Remember???

"Sweetheart, Please love me the same if not more...

Don't love me less, coz that is gonna leave me cold...

Be yourself, as you have been...

I know change is a constant...

But Please don't lose your sheen...

Its  a Big Bad world Out there... you are my Knight,

Take me into light, don't loose me in the darkness...

You call yourself the Devil,

that too..the one with a smile and a dimple...

that brings me out of the darkest hour...

be it any day or any night...

I know I am being mean, when I say;

I just want you for myself,

so that you can love me ...for days and days...

You're not perfect... and neither am I,

But, just imagine a perfect world... 

It wouldn't be a place for us...

Coz, the goddess and the devil,

have dared to love each other...

The two worlds have clashed...

will peace ever be there??

I dunno about Peace, 

But I do know about me,

That the Goddess is gonna love her Devil...

That too the one with a smile and a dimple...

I will love you...like I have loved you...if not more...

Sweetheart,

Please love me the same if not more..

Coz that is gonna leave me Cold..."

PS: This is COMPLETELY MY COMPOSITION.

Sweetie- I know we both are trying... but... I had to say this to you...!!! Din really wanna hurt you. I love you.

Thanks for the suggestions...

But, it seems , 

I have to resign to my fate.

Study

Study

Study.

When you do not have a job, and the only means of your income happen to be your parents... then it is difficult.

I cant even argue with it... it is recession after all.

DUHU- I hate being me...right now and this instant... I wanna run away from my life... from everybody... and try and do self discovery of kinds...

I have nothing to do... any suggestions?

Argggghhhhh...

I am running out of all the constructive energy...

Or maybe it is the lull after the storm, but it seems that there is absolutely nothing to do..!!!

I mean there is nothing for me to do.

I get up.

I eat.

I sleep.

And in between all this I  manage to listen to the radio. See some TV, which unfortunately has nothing- NOTHING on. And yeah... other things like bathing...etc

I have no hobby.... I love to dance, and I am keen to learn... anything... but That Anything has to do with... everything... but BOOKS or studies... I am actually tired of that. Studying.... that is. I love to study... but only when I have to. 

Recently it seems everything has to do with books...!!!

My evenings are in variably free...there is NO schedule to follow... no schedule to follow means that I am inside...holed up in the house for most part of the day (if I do not have college...) and weekends SUCK. 

My boyfriend is here... and I would have loved to spend my time with him.... but for my parents...what bhanas can I tell them... 

No wonder my last post was all dedicated to My dear Shayon....!!!!!!

Oh Yeah- I joined twitter... nah, not because its the all new rage... but just a way to know what is happening with Shayon... he is tweeting most of the time....

DUHU- Anyone has any suggestion??? 

Saawan beeto Jaaye peeharwa....

Mann mera ghabraaye...

Aiso Gaye pardes piya tum...

chain humein na aawe....

Mora saiyaan mose bole na...

Main laakh jatan kar haari...

Main laakh jatan kar haar rahi...

mora saiyaan mose bole na...

Tu jo nahin to aise Piya hum...

jaise suna aangna...

Naina tehaari raah nihaare...

Nainan ko tarsaao na...

Mora saiyaan mose bole na...

Main laakh jatan kar haari...

Main laakh jatan kar haar rahi...

mora saiyaan mose bole na...

Pyaar tumhe kitna karte hain..

tum yeh samajh nahin paaoge...

Jab hum na honge o peehrwa...

Bolo kya tab aaoge??

Mora saiyaan mose bole na...

Main laakh jatan kar haari...

Main laakh jatan kar haar rahi...

mora saiyaan mose bole na...

I know I am being very mean.

A friend has also told me that I am not being very understanding towards Shayon...after all he is working...

Tell me that its wrong on my part to Miss him so much...or that I want 10 mins of his time JUST for me??

Maybe I am asking for Too Much...!!!

Miss you Sweetie....

Happy (hic...HIC)... Holi...!!!

Yup... I had BHANG,

Not too much just very little.

Holi was usual- great. I am glad that I decided to go to Priyam's house for the Holi Party. (It is one party for which Priyam is very famous... the last one that she had thrown two years back where I was... it was a bash, and especially for me kinds, coz she had managed to ask Shayon for the holi weekend...!!!!!!!!!! Last Year, I was in chennai...!!! )

Holi party was great. Loads n Loads of food... Thandai... and people. There was colour... and there was gulal... lots of coloured water... and baloons being burst on your head. 

Btw- I am still pretty pink from the all the wild holi playing... my face is pink and so is my hand...!!! 

Neverthless- I missed Shayon. It was gonna be his very first festival in Delhi. And, well... he is in Chennai... now.

Happy Holi...

May this Holi bring loads of colours and happiness in your life...

My Dear Readers-

Be colourful and be Happy...!!! 

That Girl and this girl...

I am just a girl...!!!

I was checking out Ms. Footloose's blog and her latest post got my fill attention... thus the title. 

I dunno, what this girl or that girl means...

I juts know that- I am me.

I am tired of being labelled as 'THAT GIRL' ... why can't I just be called what I have been named?? Interestingly, this characterizationoops more like character autopsy comes from the very people who call us their friends... and who always say that they want the best for us.

Hmmm, how does being judgemental about me... or what I do help Me? Ofcourse, if its something that is going to take me to the path of pure self destruction, then, there are friends who should be coming up to me, give me a slap...temme that I am wrong and save the day by just being there... and not be the kinds- Who would, encourage you to do things that become entertainment for them...!!!

You, know, may be that is the reason that I found my boyfriend online... because, he has never been judgemental about me... or the way I am. (I still, abstain from using the forks and the knives...for cutting pizza... or the bread... but Shayon never irked by it... :))

Maybe that is the reason that I have come so close to Ms. Footloose... because, though she is younger to me... has her own life...her own set of friends... there has never been the... character autopsy of each other... I know that I have said things to her... that I wouldn't dare to talk about to anyone. I know that I talk alot. I just dunno... how this girl listens to me all the time... duhu... I am mean...

But really Kashvi, Thank you so much. In a few months time... You have made me realise that, it doesn't matter- All that matters is that I am Happy...and that I enjoy being who I am.

Btw- I am strongly believe that- You, Kashvi can be anything that you want to be.

Its been Kashvi and Kritika (Who I really got to know this Fest season... despite being batch mates/classmates for 3 years) who taught me that its more important to know about yourself than to know about yourself from others...!!!

Thanks girls!!!

I know-

I am not 'That girl' or 'This girl'...

I am just me... and for the time being... I am happy being just that...!!!

Happy Women's Day...

Cheers... to being who I am.

I know, that there is always a debate on whether we should be dedicating a single day to womanhood. I know, that, a single devoted to us.. is not enough to give us our due. But this time, celebrating US... the women... was more important.... even if it is reiteriate that ' It is the woman, makes sure that the progeny is born... and she takes care of you... and its high time that you strat respecting her choices... and supporting them....'

A woman-

She is the Mother,

the Daughter,

the sister,

the wife....

In playing so many roles... she forgets who she is.

Lets Salute the woman... who is there with us... all through.

Happy Women's Day...!!!

Something is SEVERLY wrong with me...

... Because I am jealous.

Of a girl, who was my friend once. And is abt 4 years younger to me. She was my neighbour... she shifted to long back. I found her on facebook... (WOW).... we do not talk at all. But facebook has features that keep you updated on everything... and this girl in question uploaded some pics of her and her boyfriend....

Her profile pic is also cho cute...(its of her and her bf...)

And that is what is making me jealous... the album in question has some really amazing pics of her and her boyfriend together... the particular pictures in question are the smooching ones...

And here I have people who raise eyebrows when they see me and Shayon giving a kiss to each other on our cheeks.... forget putting pictures of such intimate nature on a social networking site.

I feel...like crying....!!! I wish... Oh I wish I din feel so so strongly about it...!!! 

Censored... What MY Blog...

little things...

I am a very Stupid person.

This is a fact that I have been told by various people at various points of my life.

My guy tells me I am stupid to let people boss me around. (In this case she happens to be someone very close to me). My Best friend tells me that I am stupid because I let my guy take me for a ride...so may times.

My younger sister tells me I am stupid because I just don't know how to stand up for myself.

And very recently, another friend of mine has told me that I am extremely foolish, because I let my classmates take me for a ride all the time. I have been told many a times that the so called people that I call my friends have back stabbed me so many  times that I have no idea. And, really every time this happens, I get to know that this has happened and all I do is just smile and get back to being normal with them.

I somehow feel that I must have done something wrong..or that it is my attitude that has offended people around me.

But- somehow no one has ever re instated the fact that it is my attitude that is making them jealous.

I know, that tomorrow when I go to college, I will have nothing and no one but myself. I have lost out on friends...or maybe they never were my friends.

I just want to be me. That is the little thing I want from myself...and I want for myself. 

Wassup....

Hmmm, its the first day of the Board Month... and My younger sister Arushi just hugged me telling me that she is shit scared of her 10th grade boards. So all my readers... please pray that she fares well in her first ever Boards.

The Great College fest is finally over.

I know for sure that the 'usual' group in college is pretty much in tatters. I am not in talking terms with atleast one of the persons. So much so, that I am actually cold to him and I am not even feeling bad about it. No, I dunno if I'll talk to him ever again... thus making it very difficult for the others to choose sides...!!! And since I am always the Miss goody two shoes... I am going to make the choices easier for the others and tell them to just have fun and just chill.

Though I am tired of being the 'always understanding' type...!!!

Anyways- The month of march is always pretty exciting... there are the exams... and seeing the buzz and the excitement of the school kids always reminds me of the same feeling of euphoria, when final exams happened.... the mixed feeling of the year end results and the beginning of the new class, was always so so great. 31st March was an event in itself... what with the new books and notebook covers all happening.... 

On the love front... Shayon is going out of station next week... :( and unlike Chandu, I don't have the cure.... (SIGH).... But yeah, He has promised me that he is gonna try and woo me into going out on a date with him on Saturday... a day before he leaves. I hope he does some efforts.

There is nothing interesting happening at all. The fest was so ugly that there are no details that I really want to mention or remember. The good thing was- That- I stood second in my Batch for the previous academic year, Stood first in the Debate competition and got a special prize for Solo Dance in the fest.

Life is going on Usual. Till next time- Cheers...