Saturday, March 16, 2013

What is..... Marriage?

It is 1.30 am at night. Husband is soundly snoring away by my side, while his left arm is protectively around my waist.
There is a glass of wine on the bedside table, and despite a long long day in the heat, I am wide awake. Yes, the wine was supposed to put me of to sleep.

I have been thinking a lot lately. About life, and what has changed
While the hubby still maintains that the 'I am married' has still not sunk in, I try to tell him off.
Tell him that things have changed and that he better get used to being ' married '

Which brings me to one of the things that I have been thinking about... About being married.. About what is it to be married.
It is definitely more than having the freedom to have sex.. Though the sociology books say otherwise.. And it definitely has a lot to put a smile on the face of the one you love.  About the things that affect you... Like the snoring bit.. I wonder if the nose strips will work the husband.
I often tell him, that the thing that I look forward to at the end of a hard days work is, his arms around me.. And honestly, the night I don't have his snores or his arms around me in my new house.. Sleep is difficult to come.

Marriage is also about compromises and eating your pride.. Your ego and being a bigger person, except that you being a bigger person would neither be appreciated nor recogonized .. It like one of those unseen, unconditional things that you want to do.

Marriage is also about changing your focus and about changing the perspectives that you have. The decisions are not just for you as an individual but affects the 'us' in the whole relationship dynamics.
Yes, every little thing counts. Including the excess baggage from your mother's house.

Marriage is also about the arguments. On issues that may or may not have anything do with you.. As an individual.

Marriage is about a lot of things. But mostly it is about the change that it brings to you.. The love that you thought was there, just increases. Out of where, it is unknown.
It is about, crying and laughing in the arms of the one you love.
It is about scratching your head over the grocery to be bought and the head massage with the hit oil.

It is not a holiday.. Not a phase of your life.. But it is about your whole life. A commitment going beyond the words of the prohit at the Mandap or the marriage registration certificate.
I have seen matches made in heaven go down the drain in the court.. The love lost somewhere in the battle of the alimony and the respect, well, none of that either.

I really don't have a conclusion to this post.. Maybe because it is the wine speaking more than me..
What I do know is., that marriage is about holding the hand of a complete stranger (believe me when I say, that even in a love marriage, the husband you discover is a lil different than your lover) and telling each other.. That the odds are stacked against us, but, now that we have each other to hold on.. Whatever be the odds.. Lets cross them together, lets just build our life piece by piece.. And enjoy the journey while reaching a destination.


Arooj said...

hmmmm....subtle yet realistic observation.Most of the marriages can move along pleasantly if the third party (relatives from both sides) stop being nosy.

Ankit Garg said...

In case you are interested to see marriage realizations from a husband's perspective give a visit to this link

I HEARD YOU said...

You know what a good conclusion can be? Marriage is sharing your fears and rising above them so that you can always say-"Happily married(forever)"

Divya said...

my first time here and a very interesting post :)

All my friends seem to be getting married and I find myself freaking out because my family and relatives are constantly wondering when my turn will come...

I don't think marriage is just a free license to have sex but I feel I would get married to a person only if I want to have children with him - for all other purposes like companionship et al. I don't really feel one needs to have the license of a "marriage certificate"...I do not view marriage as a compromise but as a relationship where two people desire to be together and share their lives together - since every person is unique, this calls for some amount of work which one should be willing to do if they choose to walk down the road to marriage :)

While I do not really encourage live-ins much because there is something about that piece of paper that actually defines the levels to which you are ready to commit to an individual...

Be it love marriage or arrange marriage, as long as two people want to live together, everything else will fall into place :)

Alka Gurha said...

Congrats, I was not aware you hot married . As you rightly say, marriage is about respect, sharing, understanding, sacrifice....and more.

NesQuarX said...

Moving, moving, but I'm still somehow not convinced it's a sane thing to do... oh well. Time's a good teller. :)

RiĆ  said...

You seem to be learning soon...yes marriage is about all that and more.

Sakshi said...


It is always the third party that, when tries to interfere with two party relations that spins the situation out of control!!

My husband reposted your list, albeit with a lil modification on his blog!

Sakshi said...

@I Heard You

Some wise words :)

Sakshi said...


From a pragmatic psychologist to the believer in love :P
Your comment has both elements in it..
See, willingness to make a relationship work are magical words. It works awesomely for any relationship, not just a marriage or a bf-gf thing.

The key word being "willing to work", which is often thrown out of the window in a marriage because the perspective differs!

Sakshi said...

Thanks a ton.. though, it was up on the blog.. :P

Well, I still say that it is not a sane thing to do :P

Sakshi said...

You sound surprised.. :P
I think I am learning wayyyyy too many things at the same time :)