" I have been talking to people, and I have been trying to talk to you for like two months but I just don't know how to say it... Jaan, How do you do it?? "
These were the lines that woke a sleepy me at 2 am in the morning when Shayon decided that it was high time that we had a talk. ( I know, when its about talking then its normally damn serious... trust me it was). My boyfriend has been wondering as to how is it that I keep a strong front and all, especially since we have not met in like a year... and now that I am finally going to be in Mumbai we are going to be together for a few days... and then what??
We both realise that its none of our mistake, we knew what we were getting ourselves into when we decided that despite the distance and all the odds we have fallen in love and that we atleast want to give our relationship a try... I dunno if anyone is interested but, I feel that this post will be incomplete w/o recounting my love story... and here it goes-
It was about 4 years back, that I for the very first time joined a social networking site... being a computer illiterate it took me a lot of time to understand the workings of that site (trust me, it took me a lot of time to figure facebook too... ) and finally, I managed to join a book discussion group... there I bumped into this guy who had total ourageous fundas (mind you- It was the Da Vinci Code by Dan Brown that we were discussing) I dunno what made him do it but he sent me a friend request, I said a yes... and then there was not a day that went by when we werent talking online i.e chatting. One of those very long chats, he asked me for my phone number... I was very skeptical about it and as a rule I have never given my phone number to a net friend and today also I completely avoid it... but for him... I made an exception... ( why- I wish I knew... ) and then there were a few sms that were exchanged and a phone call here n there. It was a very difficult paper that I had to give for my sems in January 2005... I had come online to take a break... he was there n I told him that I was feeling very stressed out... and guess what this guy does, calls me up STD to just talk to me... we talked for like an hour. A month later I had gone to Banglore for a holiday. It was there on the eve of 7th Feb that we talked for the whole night through smses ( I was on roaming and I managed to indebt my prepaid accnt by over 800 rupees...) and something clicked. It took a week more for us to understand our feelings towards each other and more importantly the whole bizzare thing of 'love on net' happening to us. When on 14th Feb we mutually agreed that yup there was something more to friendship here, I was under shock... It took me less than 7 hours to say a I love you to him.
First 15-20 days we were inseparable, on phone that is- on an average we talked about 5-7 hours over the phone and then we were emailing and chatting with each other. And when the phone bill came- we were first amused, then shocked and then scared. It was then that we talked mostly through net i.e via email /chatting and ofcourse there were snail mails too and I used to go to a STD booth with 20 rupees with so that we could talk for 5 mins. ( Three years back, STD rates on cell phones were huge).
And then came a new twist, I had initially started my engineering but I found it very hard to cope up.... and I decided to change my stream completely... and it was in him that I found the maximum support... it was him who coaxed me to be courageous and to to go tell my parents about my difficulty... and though we had grown closer everyday it was this incident that found a friend in my boyfriend.
It was 8 months later that we met for the first time as a couple. I can still feel that moment... He was a perfect gentleman... and I made all the first moves, be it holding hands or the first kiss. It was here that the respect increased... and rest as they say is history.
Ever since that I have been in this relationship, I have seen my share of ups and downs actually a lot of downs... which would have definately not been endurable by anyother relationship... I have found that every down that comes just makes me love my guy even more... call me mad in love but yeah, I have seen and felt my relationship emerging stronger with every storm that we have managed to land ourselves in... lets say we are trying move strength to strength... Shayon wonders where it comes from?
I feel that it comes from knowing a mere fact that I love him and though he says he doesnt love me enough... his love.. the knowing of the fact that yes, He does love me gives me strength... I wont say that there isnt any physical chemistry involved... ofcourse there is...
But, standing and defending my love against all odds is because of Him... had he not been there to constantly support and love me... I guess things would have been very different today.
My friend Ms Footloose constantly talks about a souldmate friend of hers... I too have a best friend for like over 14 years... and we have shared too much of our lives together to bother about formalities.... but there are certai things and feelings that I cant share with her... not because she will not listen to me... but because her perspective and knowledge on that is completely different... like, she is least interested in intellectual stuff while am a sucker for the same and this is where Shayon steps in not as a boyfriend... but as a friend... and mind you most of the times when I am complaining and whining about someone he points out at my own faults ( that is why a friend) I think I am really lucky to have found a friend in my love. Ofcourse my bset friend is always there....
This post has become too long...and too about my boyfriend... I can talk and talk about him at length... and Just in case you din really get what I am trying to say... well... in short- I admire, respect and love my boyfriend for what he is...and I wish to tell him that I am strong because you are there with me... you are my strength...and I love you alot. I know, you have had enough...but just a few more days... I know we will figure something out.
And if you have read this post till here- Thanks...