One of my father's closest friend is the President of the Rotary Club here in Delhi. And rotary club is known for doing tons of charity and loads of other work for the betterment of the society *NO, I am not promoting them*. One of the project that they plan to under take is "Group Marriage", basically you know getting about 21 couples who are from economically weaker background to have a nice wedding ceremony et all. So when my uncle was talking about this project of yours, my father suggested something else to him as well, something that I believe is totally becoming the need of the hour.
He told my uncle, to have a camp for 'Pre- Marital Counselling'.
There was a time, when the parents chose the life partners for their children and they used to adjust and live through their lives. Times changed, from the rebellion love to today where it is expected that you would choose your life partner. In the words of the old generation 'Zamana badal gaya hai'!
Earlier, it used to be obvious that there would be teething problems, owing to the fact that the two people who are married off with each other being complete strangers to everything about each other. But I have figured that, with the acceptance of freedom of choice, the teething troubles too have increased.
I mean, we know the person who we want to spend our rest of the life with, and we are dating that person for a decent period of time before we decide to take THE step. But, still, we do end up arguing a lot more, the stress level does increase, and at the slightest hint of disagreement, a full fledged argument brews up!
Why is it that as soon as you add 'Marriage' even to the most committed relationship, the equation becomes more and more complicated?
And trust me, I don't think that it is the uncertainty about the person that you are tying the knot to, but more about the 'Expectation' factor that adds fuel to the fire.
And again, the expectation factor becomes a lot more sensitive, when you add the word 'Families' (of both sides) into it.
The 'Us' in the relationship gets a lot wider meaning. There are the parents and the siblings, and the cousins, and the what not.
And even when you just think, and say that 'What matters the most to you is that the people closest to you, the ones that matter, be happy', things just don't work out that way.
Yes, we are living in the times, where even a 'Live- In Relationship' has been interpreted as a 'relationship in the nature of marriage'... but we are also living in the times, where it is not expected that the house will be run on a single salary, but still the parents of the girl, expect that the boy should be earning enough to keep the daughter happy *I mean, isn't it enough that he is readily accepting a tantrum throwing, bad cook, and what not girl (No offence please)*. In the times, when the whole dowry thing is becoming such a taboo and the the couple doesn't even live in the same house as that of the in-laws, there are still expectations for the 'lena-dena' *So many weddings are sponsored by the bride and groom themselves* (again no offence please)...
No wonder with so much happening, and so many things that you dream of about that perfect life, and that little house and everything.. things start going awry and you end up having all sort of weird expectations and even weirder situations. There are tons of things that go wrong.. before and after marriage... and I see all these wrong and dumb expectations in the form of divorce petitions in the courts.
I don't even know, if this post makes any sense, but then, in a bid to you know, understand my thoughts about the whole thing, I spilled it out here. And, really looking forward to what you all have to share with me on this whole thing!
PS: I miss my blog a lot. But having no net connection in office, SUCKS! So sorry for the erratic posting. And, especially the erratic reading. I promise to catch up on everyone's blog, ASAP! This is just a very mad time.
Also, my dear friend Bloody Mary is really unwell, and Kashvi and I are really worried about her, especially since we aren't getting a clear picture of her condition. I believe in prayers and positive vibes, so please pray and send your good wishes to my dear friend! Thanks.
I agree with you Sakshi.. Especially the expectations levels shooting up between the partners and between the families when the Great Word 'Marriage' comes to picture.. The tolerance level is getting low day by day. And with that goes down the love and affection and why not even respect for the opposite sex.
Its such a complicated relation and there is nothing crystal clear to get rid of problems and to advice us inhand.
No internet in office really hurts. But then if u r getting so mad these days, then try using through your mobile phone, It doesnot cost that much.
I wish Mary to get well soon and have a healthy life. Take care and I really like the concept of Pre-Marital Counselling to be done apart from helping a Group Marriage. All the best for the good work to the Rotarians.
totally agree with you ... an the post does make a lot of sense..
these teething problems , lot many people are going through this ..
We as humans have changed there is not more patience, we are not ready to change ourself for other.. we want the other to change for us
we cant take anything anymore a little bit of arguments becomes a full blown episode ...
and i do support the wedding sponsored by the groom and bride themselves as it happens here aborad, then all this show off and waste of money can be curbed ...
and to put a in black and white you cant make everyone happy NO MATTER WHAT YOU DO ... so the best is make urself happy and the one who is nearrst to you and rest can wait :)
and please extend my get well soon to your friend ... hope she gets well soon
A very sensible post bringing out feelings of a marriagable person. I have always been saying that one may know someone for ages or ever his or her family too but it is living together 24X7 which brings out the actual person in each. While dating or in relationship one normally put best foot forward and it is only after marriage that small things become irritants. Expectations go high and are mostly not even discussed logically. Pre-marriage counselling is a must now not only for the boy and the girl but include parents of both also after they have had their session. I am sure you must have read my post in 3 parts - For A Happy Family, written in Oct - Nov last year.
Oh! I forgot. Please wish your friend Bloody Mary a very speedy recovery. Hope she is better now. Anything I can do?
I really liked your post. :)
But whenever an auntiji says "The divorce rates are increasing so much because of these love marriages and other things aaj-kal ke bachche come up with", I think that the divorce rates are increasing cos ppl don't believing in wasting their life with someone with whom they can't be happy. So if ending the marriage makes them happy, then why not? What do we get counting the number of times a person has got married?
But then again, there are the crazy expectations and your post has a totally different perspective. Loved it! :)
What a coincidence. Just a few days back, somebody was telling me that Christians have a one-month long pre-marital counselling. The discussion started because our maid, who is a Christian, has taken a leave for 3 months starting from Nov. She is getting married in Jan. So, this really made me think. I wondered, why don't the other religions adopt this practice.Instead of fighting over these issues, I think this is something which would really help us overcome the fights that arise from petty issues. I don't think there is any harm in counselling people of our age. Ofcourse, it'll happen too often that there will be people who'll resist these sessions on the argument that the times have changed. Heck, no. We need the training. I am 24 years old. At this time, my mom had become a mother. And my grandmom had had two daughters, the elder one was 9 then. And look at me. Forget about children, I don't think I can even cook a decent meal for an entire family. A decent meal. I am not even talking about a lavish meal. By my mom knew. My grandmom knew. Ofcourse we need sessions.
And I know about the Rotary Club. I have attended a few functions but I have been associated with good acts like these. And I am in support of your dad's idea.
I so agree with you on the point of respect. I think that the levels of love and affection can still swing up and down, but the moment respect goes out of the window, so does the relationship!
Well I have been using the net from phone, and maybe that is the reason that I have almost screwed my eyes again!
Another thing about patience and adaptation that my father talks about is , the increasing average age of marriage. He says that earlier, since the marriages happened at an earlier age, it was easier to adapt than now, when for almost three decades you are used to one kinda a lifestyle and then all of a sudden there is a huge change, and adaptations become more difficult.
Yes, you can't make everyone happy, but you can try your best to be happy!
Yes, I do remember that post and commenting on them.
Glad you liked my perspective :)
Coming from you kiddo, this is a Huge compliment...!!!
See, Harini, the thing is- that, a Hindu marriage is considered to be a holy sacrament and not a contract. As a matter of fact, the reason why the Divorce laws came into existence in the hindu society last, was this only.
But, I agree with you, that with times that are changing, the perspective of the society has to change too. But I also feel, that a marriage is not a joke. You just cannot get married one day and divorce the next.
Every relationship has to be moulded, and loved and cared for.. therefore the divorce thing is looked down upon. But yes, if you can kill your spouse everyday for one week, after one year of marriage.. separate! (Kidding :P)
Here is another trivia... In Goa, irrespective of anything, there is an anti-nuptial bond which if you are a Goan, and get married in Goa, you are deemed to accept by way of which, whatever property that the husband and wife make together after marriage is put in half and half incase of anything that happens between them. Otherwise also, the husband can do anything with his half (even when they are married) and cannot touch the other half of his wife!
Makes life simpler! doesn't it?
Anyway- Yes, there is a reason why parents call our generation brash, and hasty. And since I am seeing a lot of this nonsense myself.. I tht I'd share it with you!
Thanks for the comment! :P
Thank you for all your good wishes guys! :)
yeah that can be a factor too.. but with grwoing age are we not supposed to be more intelligent and know more .. :)
True i think what you dad says that marriage in young age you can evolve urself into the new surroundign but nowadays one is too used to there lifestyle of living ..
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