It has been 8 months since 2016 started.
Though, while on one side, I believe that the year has just gone too fast, on the other I feel like I have been having an out of body experience, where, I am observing everything that my life is all about, but I feel stuck. Stuck in a vacuum, from where I want to scream at myself, but I just can't because I feel like a third party.
I have been home for the last two days. It took a lot of convincing to myself that I need this break. Without anybody. On a weekday, binging on netflix and doing absolutely nothing. I am no wiser, and I definitely have no solutions to the problems in my life.
I still feel like I am a third party to my life.
The other day, Husband asked me about "my plans to join Dad"; and that turned into a defensive argument which in turn led me to state "I'll find the solution to our problems" And The Husband did not believe me. I wish that he did. But I guess you spot a loser when you see one.
I just wish that I could make everything right. I wish I was not always in the wrong, always saying things that are not logical.
I really do wish that I could finally steer my life instead of being an outsider to it.
I wish, I had some answers. But all I have are more questions. More complications.
Though, while on one side, I believe that the year has just gone too fast, on the other I feel like I have been having an out of body experience, where, I am observing everything that my life is all about, but I feel stuck. Stuck in a vacuum, from where I want to scream at myself, but I just can't because I feel like a third party.
I have been home for the last two days. It took a lot of convincing to myself that I need this break. Without anybody. On a weekday, binging on netflix and doing absolutely nothing. I am no wiser, and I definitely have no solutions to the problems in my life.
I still feel like I am a third party to my life.
The other day, Husband asked me about "my plans to join Dad"; and that turned into a defensive argument which in turn led me to state "I'll find the solution to our problems" And The Husband did not believe me. I wish that he did. But I guess you spot a loser when you see one.
I just wish that I could make everything right. I wish I was not always in the wrong, always saying things that are not logical.
I really do wish that I could finally steer my life instead of being an outsider to it.
I wish, I had some answers. But all I have are more questions. More complications.
1 comment:
Sometimes, instead of finding answers, life just hurls more and more questions our way. A new question can be an answer too, even if it isn't in the form you desired.
2016 seems to have just whirled past, and for me, it has not been a happy year so far *sigh* I feel like I've got nothing done - until I read your post, I hadn't even realized that just a little over 4 months remain! I am now wishing I'd spent time more constructively, and worked out faster solutions to some of my issues!
I hope you persevere and manage to simplify your complications :-) Wish the same for me!
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