I have had a terrible weekend.

I feel like , all that I have done the gone weekend is getting repairs done.

My internet decided that it doesn't want to work for the weekend... thus...there were phone ppl and the internet ppl hovering my house (read- MY ROOM). They got the entire wiring changed... and fuickers that they are... got my  mom pissed off because the wiring was/is not to her satisfaction... and the fault was that off the MODEM. The good part about the whole mess was that I got a wi-fi router... thus am now wi-fi.

And the next project that has been thrust to me is TIME-TABLE... my  mom being a school teacher...she is the time table incharge...and its a every year affair... and my mom is in her worst form during this time.... (Government school teachers are such bummers... they always have a problem with everything that they are to do...especially teaching... my mom btw is a yoga teacher....)

My interest level to go to college has dropped to a BIF FAT ZERO. Having no friends... no one really to talk to... and borrrrrrring lectures doesn't really add up to make a fun equation... its sucks. And yeah.. the results for the previous sem are gonna get out soon too... please pray for me....!!!

Cheers..

Truth beyond tradition...

".... I have often heard her call quitters as aimless wanderers,but not all those who wander are aimless, especially those who seek Truth beyond the walls of of tradition...."

- From the movie Monalisa Smile

The poet in me...

... recently wrote the following lines while sitting in a long boring lecture of Intellectual Property Law... Hope you like it...

"When the darkest hour is on..

my thoughts wander off,

In a land so distant,

across the stars, where...

Happiness is a permenant resident, and

love flows like a river of life;

In my dreams I see a house,

with a thatched roof, white walls and picket fence,

A girl through the window,

looking happy and content;

But dreams come and go...

Can they ever come true??"

These are the little things That I want you to do...!!!

I know that I can't be a dictator of terms when it comes to my relationships. Rather, I am the 'flexible' sorts, who doesn't really asserts herself.

Maybe that is the reason that I have so many grudges about being myself... and being frustrated about the way things move in my life. 

I cry, when I am angry, and when I am shouting. 

This is the case with my family members- Parents and younger sister.

When it come to Shayon, the only time that I have risen my voice is when maybe, my lil bit of existence is threatened by his actions.

But off late, I have been reading posts, that reflect my thoughts and my situations. I have also sent the links to Shayon. Moo's post is a typical conversation that I would like to have with my boyfriend. But, somehow, Chandni's post, and her talks on Space and importance of the same in any relationship have put me in an introspective mode....

But, today, when I read Kashvi's post on, how, her having argument really doesn't affect Ayn, I just couldn't help thinking that I am most of the time in the same situation... but then, I guess being in a 4 year old relationship, things tend to change.

I mean, I completely understand his problems and the kind of life that he is facing... but then what is the use of the whole moving to Delhi thing, when the little things that you craved for are not happening... 

So here is a list of the little things that I wish Shayon would do, so that, our love life can be spiced up....or maybe, some practical things, that will make sure that I do not get so pissed at you...

1. I know, that there was an excuse when you had the old phone, that the keypad is bad, but now that you have a blackberry, an out of the blue sweet message wont hurt. 

2. We do not need snail mails now... coz we are 15 mins away from each other, but a note or two, about anything would bring a smile on my lips.

3. I know you care for me. But, asking about my health, especially when you know I am ill, is a gentlemanly gesture.

4. I do not mind your boys nights, but, they eat on my time. What happened to the 10 mins, that were there for me,earlier...

5. You know, na, I deserved atleast a Rose, from YOU, on  Valentine's Day....??

6. The last we talked was on Marine Drive... last year... 20th of December... when are we talking next??

7. Hmmm, I know you don't care, but complimenting me on a new look or dress... or commenting on it.... really helps...!!! Trust me. It shows that you are noticing me.

8. Why don't you call me back when I am angry at you and slam the phone down... it just gets me angrier... that my anger or me taking a stand on something, even if unreasonable doesn't matter to you... and it hurts...!!!

9. I love surprises.

10. I have told you, that I do not want to end up like Aman's mom, Please, do something about your weight, about your smoking and drinking...rest, I gave you a lecture... I dunno how much you heard me...!!!

I don't want these things to happen because they are like the 10 commandments or anything... I just want you to know, that, I Loved you because, it were these very little things that had mattered to you. Remember???

"Sweetheart, Please love me the same if not more...

Don't love me less, coz that is gonna leave me cold...

Be yourself, as you have been...

I know change is a constant...

But Please don't lose your sheen...

Its  a Big Bad world Out there... you are my Knight,

Take me into light, don't loose me in the darkness...

You call yourself the Devil,

that too..the one with a smile and a dimple...

that brings me out of the darkest hour...

be it any day or any night...

I know I am being mean, when I say;

I just want you for myself,

so that you can love me ...for days and days...

You're not perfect... and neither am I,

But, just imagine a perfect world... 

It wouldn't be a place for us...

Coz, the goddess and the devil,

have dared to love each other...

The two worlds have clashed...

will peace ever be there??

I dunno about Peace, 

But I do know about me,

That the Goddess is gonna love her Devil...

That too the one with a smile and a dimple...

I will love you...like I have loved you...if not more...

Sweetheart,

Please love me the same if not more..

Coz that is gonna leave me Cold..."

PS: This is COMPLETELY MY COMPOSITION.

Sweetie- I know we both are trying... but... I had to say this to you...!!! Din really wanna hurt you. I love you.

Thanks for the suggestions...

But, it seems , 

I have to resign to my fate.

Study

Study

Study.

When you do not have a job, and the only means of your income happen to be your parents... then it is difficult.

I cant even argue with it... it is recession after all.

DUHU- I hate being me...right now and this instant... I wanna run away from my life... from everybody... and try and do self discovery of kinds...

I have nothing to do... any suggestions?

Argggghhhhh...

I am running out of all the constructive energy...

Or maybe it is the lull after the storm, but it seems that there is absolutely nothing to do..!!!

I mean there is nothing for me to do.

I get up.

I eat.

I sleep.

And in between all this I  manage to listen to the radio. See some TV, which unfortunately has nothing- NOTHING on. And yeah... other things like bathing...etc

I have no hobby.... I love to dance, and I am keen to learn... anything... but That Anything has to do with... everything... but BOOKS or studies... I am actually tired of that. Studying.... that is. I love to study... but only when I have to. 

Recently it seems everything has to do with books...!!!

My evenings are in variably free...there is NO schedule to follow... no schedule to follow means that I am inside...holed up in the house for most part of the day (if I do not have college...) and weekends SUCK. 

My boyfriend is here... and I would have loved to spend my time with him.... but for my parents...what bhanas can I tell them... 

No wonder my last post was all dedicated to My dear Shayon....!!!!!!

Oh Yeah- I joined twitter... nah, not because its the all new rage... but just a way to know what is happening with Shayon... he is tweeting most of the time....

DUHU- Anyone has any suggestion??? 

Saawan beeto Jaaye peeharwa....

Mann mera ghabraaye...

Aiso Gaye pardes piya tum...

chain humein na aawe....

Mora saiyaan mose bole na...

Main laakh jatan kar haari...

Main laakh jatan kar haar rahi...

mora saiyaan mose bole na...

Tu jo nahin to aise Piya hum...

jaise suna aangna...

Naina tehaari raah nihaare...

Nainan ko tarsaao na...

Mora saiyaan mose bole na...

Main laakh jatan kar haari...

Main laakh jatan kar haar rahi...

mora saiyaan mose bole na...

Pyaar tumhe kitna karte hain..

tum yeh samajh nahin paaoge...

Jab hum na honge o peehrwa...

Bolo kya tab aaoge??

Mora saiyaan mose bole na...

Main laakh jatan kar haari...

Main laakh jatan kar haar rahi...

mora saiyaan mose bole na...

I know I am being very mean.

A friend has also told me that I am not being very understanding towards Shayon...after all he is working...

Tell me that its wrong on my part to Miss him so much...or that I want 10 mins of his time JUST for me??

Maybe I am asking for Too Much...!!!

Miss you Sweetie....