Sunday, October 24, 2010
The Epic Battle of Career and Family!
This was a line out of a conversation that I had with Ms. P. She is 29. She is round, but pretty, stays all alone in Delhi for the last 9 years. I am not going judge her, but I do have to mention that at times, with the way she is, I feel that she is never going to get married. Something very common for female lawyers, or so I have been told when we both started to have the usual Career v the Family debate.
Not that this thought has never been drilled into my mind, *My mother always cribbed that no one marries a lawyer!* and with what Ms. P told me, it seems to be true. According to her, none of the top female lawyers in the Supreme Court are married. And when I raised my eye brows and looked at her knowingly *my boss is married, and she is a top notch lawyer* she just passed me a little wicked smile of hers, parked the car on the side way and took a fag.
All I did was, sigh, and shake my head. My boss is married. Here are the details- She got married 16 years back to a German. *She is in her late forties* her husband stays and works in Germany. For three times in a year they spend time together, and how-
When she is Germany *Which is mostly in the Summer Vacations* she can't really work. And when he is here *Which was like 10 days in October* she is in office also and she is working also. *Now you understand why I got the wicked smile from P* oh, no she doesn't have kids. Have parents back at home who are old and have their own schedules.
Even though she is successful, she is intelligent and an awesome lawyer and a person, at the back of my mind, and somewhere don in my heart I feel sorry for her. I know what it is like to be in a long distance. And, it almost wrecked Shayon and me, and after marriage, I know that I would NEVER ever want to be in a situation where he and I meet in our holidays.
This is the reason why, she never leaves office before 8 in the night and almost never gives an off even for festivals. She has no one to go back home to. Yeah, you can go back home to your parents, but then having that someone special to go back to each night, that is a different thing altogether.
Take the case of the other two juniors, they both stay on their own. M is a guy and as far as I know has a zero social life. The only social life I have seen of P is when she goes out with her friends drinking. But with an attitude that says that they are all below her and she is OMG so busy. Take for instance now, P's mom is here, and the way she is spending time with her mother *who she has met after so many years* had I been her mom, I would have had a broken heart.
And then there is me. Who has dance classes on Sunday. Likes to leave early at around 6.30ish because I like to spend an hour with Shayon before heading off home. And I have a life. Thus am considered the most incompetent in the office. Ms. P has her fundas clean and clear and says that she cannot have a career and a family. They just don't go hand in hand.
This on the other hand has got me thinking a lot about why I cannot have a normal family and have a career? Why do I have give up one in order to have another? I know, being a career oriented woman means late nights at office, and less time spent at home.. but then, I am sure that if you do have your priorities right, you can have a high flying career and a family too. A normal marriage with children.
Or is my mind taking a leap into a weird direction? and this is not at all possible.
And how do you really define a high flying career? And what would you do with that career if at the end of the day you do not have the people who love you to share your success with?
Shayon and I have often wondered when will we have enough to enjoy the life that we always wanted to...but there is no definition to what 'enough' really is.
I know that I wanted to be a high flier like Zia Mody (She recently got an award for the Best Corporate Lawyer) but I also know that even though she is married and she has kids, there is no real family that she has. And, somehow, I am not ready to pay that price.
I know that I want to be a great lawyer. But at the end of the day, I also know that when I come back home, I want to spend my evening lounging around with the people who matter the most to me in my life. Any success that comes at the cost of love is hollow for me.
And I want to prove Ms. P wrong. I may not become a great Litigation Lawyer, but I will definitely become a great lawyer and have a normal loving family!
I want this for myself!