Thursday, November 12, 2009

There is a Zebra in my Room..!!!

Alright- I know that I have not been a good girl about updating my blog. But, every time I open this page the only thing that I feel like doing is ranting, and being sad about the coming few weeks.

Yeah, when the boyfriend is leaving, the mood swings are bound to happen. And, I am going to try really hard not to be sad about him leaving.

So anyways- did I mention that me bunking college has pretty backfired on me. And that, I am actually on ultimatums from the college, therefore I have to give the presentations and give all the pre- university exams (which are not compulsory otherwise). So, I have been actually trying to go to the college.
Apart from the chaos in my college/professional life,
Life @ home has been turbulent too-
My mom had been after our lives to sort out our stuff so that we can get some painting done in the house, and guess what- she succeeded...!!!
Yeah- so, my room has a new colour, or rather colours- It is basically bright yellow with bright orange giving it some company.
One of the walls has gone designer- and is painted in orange and yellow stripes- even though it looks like that the zebra has played holi- it has just brightened the entire aura of the room. The stripes, I dunno, I feel like are an omen. They it seems represent order in chaos- That my life is.

This seems like the general update on my me.
Nothing really special is happening, and to be frank, I have started dreading the thought of being alone at all. I am pretty lonely here, the friends that I really have are far off, and the one that I have here is busy in her life, and even though we meet we try to focus on happy things.
OH GOD- I feel so used right now.
In every possible ways-
I feel like, I am there for everyone, and when I need everyone around me, everyone is busy in their lives.
Be it friends, boyfriend or just about anybody.
I have the MOST fucked up relationship with my parents- you know the sorts in which they think that they know their child and in the end they realize that the time to really bond is over. Yeah, we have our moments but I can never be their younger daughter. I am not perfect you see.
There is this hateful sister factor in it also- Doing everything an elder sister does, keeping her eyes and ear open, you know making her case in front of the parents, sorting out all her fights, but in the end- All I have been getting is major attitude- Not even a proper thanks.
You know once in a while it is good to hear something nice from your parents.
I hate being the butt of almost all jokes that are cracked around me, and about me.
Right now- This instant- I can almost feel the anger pounding in my head and on the subconscious level I know, this is a rant post- But I can't help it.
Sorry.
It is OK to be selfish. At times.
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Shayon bought himself a new url so you can read his pearls of wisdom here, from now on.

6 comments:

Tangled up in blue... said...

Baby, calm down. And dont worry so much.

Some days feel so bad that you just want to scream your head off. You feel like people just dont give back to you as much as you give to them.

But sometimes, even they are doing the best they possibly can.

I remember how awful I was feeling when my boyfriend had to move three hundred miles away. But he needed to study so I really cudnt have even get upset in front of him coz that wud have just made him feel terrible.

But the feeling passes. You make the best of whatever time you get.

And trust me, this may be a cliche but its true, this too shall pass.

And you'll feel so much better soon.

:)

Take care now.

ki said...

Relax. :)

You know your parents and sis love you even if they aren't appreciating you as much as they should right?

Come on, you know how much you're worth! You're gold babay and there's no two ways about it :D

And you've survived through long distance before na? I know how much you and shayon love each other, plus YOU told me that "we'll get through this" so stay positive and we will.

And don't be alone. Main marr thodi gayi! Yeh toh rahi, Delhi mein hi!

I love you <3

Jack said...

Sakshi,

When is Shayon leaving? I know it hurts when one you feel so close to has to move away even if both remain in touch. But it also raises level of love and trust. Most of the parents want their children to be happy and well settled in life. At times they may seem overbearing but that is as they have so much of concern of you. Just try to stay in the bed in the morning saying you are not well and see how much fuss your parents and sister make. Think with open mind and you will see the difference. How did you fare in pre-university examinations? Cheer up and face life as it comes. It is good you do not keep anything in mind and let it off, at least here.

Take care

Shalini said...

Coincidentally, I was listening to this song 'perfect' by 'simple plan'. You should listen to it.
I know it hurts, feels like being punched in the gut but honey, there are times when you forget that positive still exists.
And let me tell you that you are never alone. If nobody else, we blogger friends are always there for you, ALWAYS. Let me know if I could help in any way.
Hugs.

Heavenly Muse said...

your post reminds me the quarrel we people had last evening..my sister ,my father and lil bro were literary shouting....i started weeping but then all of a sudden everything got settled..so this is the course of life
best of luck and keep smiling

Shalini said...

Me thinks its just one of the days which is now extended to weeks, and when u rnt feeling right in the head (read:low) then things around start to suck !!

So just be yourself and feel positive and things would fall into place automatically !!

Tk Cr