Saturday, January 22, 2011

When the time is 'Right'

This post is coming from my seniors' laptop in office, wherein in exchange for me using the laptop for work, I have given him the possession of my Tata Photon Plus, and since I use the net during the day and he after the office hours, we share the bill too.
Though  have absolutely no idea, why did I tell you about this!

I have always been afraid of change. Even though, in the 'Thought of Day' section of the assembly in school, the thought "Change is the only Constant" was repeated over a million times, but I still refused to accept it. The only reason why every year I was happy in getting promoted from one class to the other was maybe- Maybe- because my parents used be relieved and of course, my friends and classmates used to be there too! So basically the change used to be in the Classroom, seniority and books (which used to get harder by the passage of each year).
And in Class 9th, when the classes were reshuffled I had teething troubles adjusting with my own batch mates and in 11th, when the disastrous decision of changing the school happened, well, I sort of became a disaster myself!

I don't when did it really happen, but all of a sudden, wanting a change in my life to live it on my own terms has become the order of the day. Like right now, today,  would love to change a zillion things about me, these changes I would love to incorporate and grow as a person.
The first thing that I want to change is my job and my city. As cliched as it may sound, but, I feel despite me trying to push things at home and trying to tell them that I am a big girl, there is only as much as I can push. After that- it just comes down to my grandmother and my parents getting super furious at me!
And in a bid to do just that- I have exhausted all my options. I have been begging people to source out a job for me.
The best part being- That all those people have been sweet enough to do just that. They have pushed as much as they could and now there is nothing more that can be done. When they call me up to tell me that they have tried and forwarded the mail etc, all I tell em is that, now we all have done our bits, tried so hard and now when the time is 'Right', things will automatically fall into place for me.

This sounds so romantic, so practical and positive and pragmatic, that when the time is right, things will fall into place. And my only question to myself over and over again is- When will my right time come? When will things start falling into place.
I am thinking positive, I am trying to be happy about my life.. but that does not seem to help me evade the doubts about where my life is heading. About how am I ever going to incorporate all of my dreams and weave them into reality.
I also know, that so many of you will say, that there is never a right time, you have to make things happen, shake the tree if you want the apple. But, when the five years worth of hard work of being a excellent student in academics and co-curricular did not and me in the kind of life that I wanted, I have become scared of even wondering about the dreams that lie within.

Hard work pays, and  I am just waiting for my payment to come. Irony is, that unlike the payment recovery of the phone and the net bills, there are no calls that I can make to recover my payment.
So here I am, trying my best to make the time 'Right' for me!!!




12 comments:

Shayon said...

"karm karo...."
you know the rest, I am guessing!

Bikramjit said...

YEs you said it in the last few line HARD WORK PAYS.. maybe late but it does come ..


and yeah as u mention YOU MAKE THE TIME RIGHT... anytime is right time JUST do what you do best and give it ur best and JUST do it..
results will come
Dont worry girl chillax.. all will fall into place


Bikram's

Heavenly Muse said...

but it certainly not in our hand to call this right time when its needed

Vagabond said...

Babe, I know how frustrated you feel. I also know how difficult it gets when you can see that you're working hard, but the results just don't seem to be in your favour.

But believe you me, the right time comes and it'll find you too.

xoxo

Kali said...

It WILL pay off. It JUST has to. Just don't give up on hope and determination. You have to keep going till you get there. All the best.

Jack said...

Sakshi,

Finally caught up with all pending posts. I am so glad that you could tell your parents what you really want. I am sure they would understand and agree, now that your brother is getting married to his long time girlfriend. Your relly write good poems. Change is always there and one needs to welcome it. Right time, well one can not force it but need to continue with efforts without worrying about delay in results. Cheer up and remain positive. And before I forget, I am so moved by your award. God bless you.

Take care

Sakshi said...

@Shayon
Karm kar kar ke I am tired. You know it does get onto your nerves when you work your ass off and the results just are not in sight.
You need an incentive, a motivation to move on!

Sakshi said...

@Bikram
Things falling into place making the time right!
I am trying all of that, but it all seems like hopeless labour!

Sakshi said...

@HM
I agree! I wish it were in our hands!

Sakshi said...

@Vagabond
And if it comes to your first and I hope that it does, please direct it to me :)

Sakshi said...

@Kali
I hope that I don't lose my mind, in the process. But, hoping and having faith are things that make me go on!

Thanks

Sakshi said...

@Uncle J

First, I want to apologise, It has just been truly maddening!

But I thank you for your words of wisdom!