Saturday, July 30, 2011

Identity Crisis

My father always used to tell me that 'Law is in my genes!!'..
Not that I am ever going to argue about this statement to him, because, I certainly feel very related and extremely connected to my profession.
And, yes, unless its dancing or doing nothing, I don't see myself doing anything else for a living. As a matter of fact, I know it for sure that, I wont ever be able to make a living out of me being a dancer. 

But right now, at this instant, I am in what I would like to call a situation of 'Passion Dwindling'; it seems that in a profession where, you learn something new each day, and that the learning never stops, I feel like I am a misfit. Often, I am made to feel inferior to my colleagues who have way way way more experience than me. As a matter of fact they are the ones who make me feel like that.

And there is a problem of 'fitting in'; that I am facing. I am supposed to belong to the 'Litigation Team'; that was acquired by my Law firm a couple of months back. But since there is another partner apart from my original boss, who handles litigation here in the Big office and owing to the fact that my seniors MDR and P do not like my work, they got me shifted here. And because there isn't too much work here in litigation and that I am supposed to be working and learning, I had to take over some additional responsibility in the Infrastructure Team. And to be honest, I like the work in this field better, maybe because I wanted to do corporate in the first place. 
But now, I am having identity crisis... as to which team do I really belong to. Because, I have been thrust with a project in the infrastructure team, that is like my own baby.. and here in the so called litigation team, MDR, Ms. P and Ms. V; have their taunts ready to make me feel inferior. From, 'Oh, you don;t work on saturdays any more' to 'Oh, are you sure you can do this matter, or you have you ABC project running.. do you even have the time!' 

Yes, there is a huge difference in the working styles of the litigation team here in the Big office and the other hard core team headed by my dear old boss. And, honestly speaking, I like it here, because, it gives me the bandwidth to explore more apart from my work life! The two litigation teams, are like a joint family, who have to pretend that they love each other because the partners are best friends and awfully close to each other.

And all the effort that is put in to do the team bonding.. goes awry. Because the team here can't shift to the smaller office, because of lack of seating space, and also the breathing space that they get here. And MDR, Ms. P ans Ms.V, will not come here. Their ego, and their ONLY WORK AND NO PLAY attitude doesn't gel with the light attitude here. 
And, I do NOT want to be a part of this Tug of war. At all. 

I am not going to let my career go down the drain, because they have their attitude. Job hunting thus begins, all over again. 
Of course, Shayon moving to Mumbai is also a main reason. But, their sick attitude, makes me go mad! 
So jobs any one?


Jack said...


Those who ridicule their juniors have a huge inferiority complex themselves and as such they try to show their seniority by this way. So just take it easy. Put in your best and if you need some help do ask from those who are normal humans. If these people ever ask you such questions again like do you know how to do it, just tell them that " you are always there to guide me, so I will surely ask you the moment I can not move forward. Won't you help me?" That should make them keep quiet after that.

Take care

PS : Left comment on previos one too.

Tangled up in blue... said...

You know, Sakshi, I am in a very very similar profession. Our seniors have way way more experience than us, and public perception also tilts in their favour, everybody wud rather go to an older, more established doctor than a younger, fresh out of med-school person, in fact, I, myself, wud too.

So, sometimes it is a little disheartening. But I like the feeling of being an eternal student, you know.

And also, the idea that my textbooks teach me on the very first day about radical new ideas and drugs that werent even around when those venerated seniors were students. So that way, you and I have an obvious edge.

But also, it makes absolutely no sense to stick around in a job that gives you more agony than ecstasy. So all the very best, dear Sakshi! :)

Alka Gurha said...

Hold on with your head held high...ek jayegi to doosri ayegi. Sooner or later. Good luck

Suruchi said...

offooo..itnaaaa saara bojh sar pe!
change the job na baby...but then I guess there is a certain way in which an office space works and office politics is something that u'll find anywhere...

just be a little time you'd be hardened by the ups and downs or too used to it to bother or too smart to anticipate stuff and avoid problems!

hang in there and all the best:-)