So be it.

So much in the totality of things that I really really really do not know, where to go now.

I am in a state of limbo.

I have been asked not be upset because something that I have looking forward to for a long time is not happening any more.
The reply is "I too am upset about it".

I don't care if you are upset. It is your own fault that you have reached here. I kept telling you to keep check, but you did not.
Now you put me in a catch 22 situation, where, you want me not to react to me being upset.
You want me never to react, when you give your dumb gadgets or the dog more love than what I get. You want me not to react when the travel plans unravel, and I know that in the future, near or far, we wont be to go on a holiday. Either the leaves wont be there or money wont be there.

But you will not realise that despite everything, me being upset, me being angry, me feeling unloved, I made sure that despite the restrictions you have fun. If you could not go to the fun and friends, then I got them to you. Or at least made sure that they are there.

Still you want me to bottle up.
Then so be it.