Wednesday, March 30, 2016

How to be a smart Person

There is neither an exclamation next to it, nor is there a question. This is an open ended "Phrase" for me and this has been bugging me for quite a while. Let us just say that I did not give it much thought in the bygone years, but of late this phrase it seems is popping up everywhere around me.

The reason that I decided to write about this was because last Saturday I had (another) dinner party at my house and this time round we had my side of the (extended) family over. Amongst the various family members was my sister in law (she is the wife of my first cousin) and who has THREE kids. I kid you not, three kids. 2 girls and 1 boy (Girl (8)- Boy (6) and then again a Girl (3)). And she is practically raising them up all by herself because my brother is mostly travelling for work. She has shifted countries twice with all of her kids and 4 times since her first baby.
And her kids throw no tantrums, and neither is she running behind them, shouting at them. She is definitely talking to them.

SIL is an Indian American, and unlike the touchy ones (and also because she spent like 4 years in Mumbai) she is not picky about the water that these guys are drinking now or what they are eating. My nephew had chips, dahi, Kulcha and Bhindi for dinner. They also ate a lot of Nachos and chips and all the junk. But all I heard her tell them was, "C'mon guys.." (firm but polite, and she did not blast off when they still had a couple of more). The kids played inside with my sister and other guests while she was chilling. And here is the thing: The kids (all of them) were ailing. These guys had landed a day before from London, and the youngest was running fever, the eldest had just recovered from her fever and the nephew had some rashes. But barring the youngest, who was slightly clingy at first and then got cheery when she was given gifts, the other two did not cling to their Mom, or go about "Mommy.. mommy.. mommy".
She is a full time Mom and a home maker. She is always dressed properly, and she did not have any help from any of the specialised "Kids Maids/ Jahpaas" even when two out of her three kids were born in India.

All the birthday parties are planned to the T. There are things that she continues to do with the kids to engage them constantly and they party like mad as well.

Yes, you can say that I am smitten by her. I am in awe of the way she has handled are home and her three kids. She is probably the only one amongst my cousins to whom I look at when I think about having kids.

Yes, I also agree that I do not know how her kids are at home on most of the days, but I also know that on all the occasions that I have met the kids, they have been fun, and not like the typical kids that one encounters.

She being the way she is and how she handles and has been handling everything is complimented by everyone in the family and when I discussed this with the Husband, the reply I got was "Because she is smart and you are not". That hit home.
I was NOT offended. But it definitely raised my antennas, because, I want to be that smart. But I don't know how.
I don't know how is she able to cope with her Husband constantly not being around on a day to day basis, I on the other hand have trouble sleeping when my Husband is working late (I have improved a lot). I also wonder, if that is a contributing factor too in the whole thing. Meaning, since her Husband is not around that much, she has to take the decisions, and just do the stuff, and there is no second guessing or questions. Also, I wonder, whether not having an interfering family (in laws and parents included) makes a difference too?

I am sort of organized, but I am very lazy. I am always second guessing the decisions that I take, and often I take the decisions based on certain know how, and maybe they are not as logical as a computer program is (or for that matter, Math is); and there are just too many people to answer for all the decisions that I want to take.
I understand that I need to also become less dependent on my Husband. I know for a fact that if a thing needs to be done, then it needs to be done, and I would rather do it than prod him to do it which is like waste of energy. But then the feeling of " I am giving more and he doesn't care" get built in to the psyche as well. So how does one get over, and around all these feelings and family pressures, so that one is able to have happier and healthier environment?

I am not even getting into the whole relationship and staying with in laws scenario, because, the in laws that she has are very different. Plus, they are more American than Indian.
So, how does one inculcate the smartness in themselves??


Bikram said...

I think its the situation.. you both are in different scenarios ..

everyone is smart as far as I know.. situations teach us various things ..


Thirteen said... not comparing yourself to others. By not letting what somebody says about you become your reality.