Ok, I have had enough. There is something definately wrong with me.
Al I keep on doing the whole day is day dreaming about landing in a nice job in a jiffy and that too in Mumbai. Ok, I really wanna be in Mumbai, as of now atleast coz, its been like 8 months since I met my boyfriend. Love is surely far away.
But its not only love...but its the glam quotient with a job that is to be included in it. I day dream almost all the time, make conversations with people I dont even know if I'll ever see. I also make up conversations with my boyfriend... ofcourse I do have the real ones all the time, its the face to face ones that I dream about.
I have been doing that for a long time now. This is the way that I can face the reality of the days that I face everyday. I always say to myself whenever I am boarding the bus, that one day I would own a chauffer driven car and I'll see the bus from it. Or, What or how from whom I would want to get my house made after I buy the house on top of ours.... I dream big.
While the reality is as stark as maybe a white sheet of paper that has been crumpled because its of no use. Today, I dont even have a fixed summer job, forget about making tons of money. My bank account doesn't even have enough maobey to pay for the coming year of college. This time, dad's gonna sign his check. My phone has about 10 rupees in it now... and my exams start in less than a week... I have to hit the floor, and get my act together. I know I am gonna study for my papers... coz that I Do. But, another reality is that- I have no clue where my life is going. There was a time that I dreamt about working with the United Nations. The International Court of Justice, but, recently while studying the UN system, I got to know that you don't really need to be a lawyer to work in ICJ... you just work there coz, you have done some great work. I would love to make a difference in the world... but I also believe that charity begins at home. Let me first try n make a difference in the lives of my parents, get a job n status in society so that I can go and fight for my love. There are so many dreams that are yet to be realised... everyday when I go off to sleep, I think, and hope that when I have kids, me n my husband should never crib over finances. Everyday I hope that the next dawn brings me my oppurtunity ... and that I dont' see it as an obstacle.
No, I am not afraid of hard work. I just dont know how use my skills. I cant seem to give my 100 percent.. and I cant seem to find a way.... why is that happening...is another puzzle in the maze that is already there.
You know, I read this somewhere, maybe one of the forwards.... it says...
That if A=1, B=2, C=3..... so on Z=26... then,
its- Love of God=101%
And its this that I am looking for...so that my dreams can touch a lil bit of reality....Amen...!!!