I Miss you, even though I do not Say it often...

... Because every time I think of the 17 years that we spent together.. make me cry.

No, sweetie- just because- I do not think of you or talk about... or avoid talking about.. doesn't mean that you are not a part of my life... 

The 17 years.. the growing up years- the memories... they will never fade. 

I often dream about you. Dream about a life that would have been, had you been around. It still jolts me when I realise that you are long gone, leaving a void in my life that no one can ever fill. No amount of close friends... best friends...

One the last letters that I have of you- says- That- 'I wonder, how am I ever going to fall in love with a guy... the way you love me ... no one can ever do it...' 

Same to back to you... even though I have a long list of crushes and guys... and now a boyfriend... no one can fill that void. You know why? because- maybe my boyfriend can hurt me... but you I know would have never hurt me or never let anyone hurt me.

In time the pain may become bearable- but today ... now- Its not. Its squeezing my heart... and making me cry. I miss you.

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For all those who don't know- This post is for my soul mate, my friend and my first cousin who committed suicide 5 years back under depression. She was just 17. And, on 22nd May 2004 she died. She was my better half. Even though we were born of different mothers, we were bought up alike. I hope that she is in peace now.