I think in the slew of depressing posts that I written, I had mentioned about how the parents love to live their dream through their children, AND that how pressures are built on a child...
The same thing is happening with me.
I know that I have said this before... but now, the pressures are building and its getting way out of my hand, because, tempers have also started flaring.
My entire SUNDAY was RUINED. Thanks to one small discussion on my future.
A little background will help-
We are a family of lawyers. So in the coming say year or so, officially there are going to be seven cousins of mine including me who would be lawyers. And since I dropped an year in engineering and all, instead of graduating this year with two of my other cousins, I am going to graduate next year.
This fact- that the other two cousins of mine who are not as 'intelligent' as me (AS per my mom) graduating before me etc etc has given some weird insecurity to my mother. And my father anyway thinks that I am not fit for this profession because I am girl and that I have to get married etc etc. Also, for a fact that, I am not into litigation at all, the primary practise of my father.
Therefore- both of them have started pushing me to start studying for Judiciary. (For all those who don't know- Its an exam you give to become a judge.) The main attraction being that its a government job and that even though in the beginning it doesn't pay well, and whatever- there is job security. No one can kick you out unless you behave like an ass.
Btw- my mother toned down from her wanting me to do IAS to getting into judiciary.
I have NO idea, as how and why did his godforsaken idea came into their heads. I have never thought about doing a government job. And even if I sit and think about it now, I just can't seem really make my mind or my heart see sense in doing a government job. And they can't seem to see or understand that- For the heck of Job Security, I just can't let go of dreams... those dreams that I have been building towards. Had I wanted to do Judiciary, I would have worked hard from the very day I joined Law school.
What happens to my dreams of becoming a hot shot corporate lawyer who ultimately joins UN? or What happens to my dreams of travelling the world, which I cannot do if I am in government job? Or for that matter- chuck all other dreams- why am I not being given a chance to think out of the box... and decide the kind of life I want for my for myself?
MY life-make me answerable for it. I listen to them now, and after marriage listen to the inlaws and husband. Its a catch 22 situation.
And exactly at what age do the parents in India need to feel that they let go of the children and tell them to dream to dream their own dreams and not live their parents dreams... it becomes a vicious circle- You live your parents dreams, your children live yours... so on and so forth... where does it end? Isn't this the very reason that despite the development the Indians do not move forward with times and even today, when you are with a coed group of friends and you meet a relative in the same mall as you are- You are looked at with such curious eyes...
Its just beyond my understanding.
Its beyond my understanding that when I am interning and I return home late from work, why am I scolded... and its beyond my understanding that why can't the parents let it be.
I am almost 23. On one hand they give me shit like- that you are all ready to get married and on the other hand I am not given permission to party or stay out with my friends late...
My parent don't even know half of the friends that I have... because if I start explaining to them how we became friends and all- from friends friends etc... they will freak out.
I don't know how am I ever going to get my point across to them.
They are lovely people... one of the best set of parents that I have seen amongst my friends... but- I don't know what happens to them when it comes to me and the important decisions that have to be made in regard to my life. I should just be telling them the decision and having a matured discussion on it. But instead, I am treated like a freaking 10 year old who doesn't know a thing.
What am I ever gonna do??