Monday, January 16, 2012

Just saying..

Imagine to always being told that 'This is your father's house' and that you shall have your own when you get married'. You all do know the saying about 'Ladki ka sasural hi uska ghar hota hai'

To pick up your entire life from where you had started it, and to plant yourself not only in a new house with new people but also to new routines and new style of living!

It is ironical that we girls are often subjected to restrictions at the fathers home and then instead of getting apnapan from the in laws you are presented with a struggle to adjust your life, the one that you have been living for the last 20 (+ or - couple of years depending on the age of marriage) years and like magic 'adjust' 'compromise' and JUST accept the change!

How about for once, the in laws and the husband for once make the adjustments and compromises and go a little out of the way to make the new family member actually a part of the family!!

There are 3 or 4 of you staying in a house as a family, following certain rules and routines and that too for like ever and when you get all worked out about the fact that the new member is flouting those, just imagine the plight of the girl, who is trying to break ground with the new family on the value system that she has been brought up on!
But instead of understanding that, the fights happen!
When you don't know what she has been upto for the last so many years of her life, is she a psychic to know every little detail of the life that you are leading for last million years yourself?

She will make best of the efforts to understand and to mould in the new life that she starts, but that in no way means that she will not require the support, love , understanding and patience from the rest of the family!
Like each one of you, she too is a different person, celebrate a new facet to your family instead of criticizing her and understand the fact that she leaves behind her whole world to make place for herself in yours!

Give her that chance, your love support and understanding instead of telling her all the time that it is her problem that she has left behind her world!

13 comments:

♪♪Happy Go Lucky♪♪ said...

I totally agree!
First they say "Do what you want after you get your own house."
Later its all "Yeh tere baap ka ghar nahi hai."

Its so much better to move out once you're in college our something. You can do what you want and it will also make the parents grow fonder of their kid.

Bikramjit said...

totally agree this rule of fathers house shud be on SONS too.. once adults they shud be asked to LEAVE and make their own house-home ..

things will be much better then
Bikram's

Me said...

I still don't understand the definition of "Apna Ghar", so I decided to rewrite my own... I always tell them, the house where I feel I belong, is MINE... :)

It is weird.. but then this is what has been going on for a long time...and change happens over time.

☆ Rià ღ said...

So true...thankfully i never got to hear all this. I hate it when ppl say that 'Ladki ka asli ghar uska sasural hot hai'! Bull shit.

Its very crucial to have understanding in laws else it really bcomes hard for the girl to adjust.

Shayon Pal said...

Here's something I wonder - I have seen innumerable men getting married women without a job, but hardly any woman marrying a man without a job.

And why should the wife be the husband's responsibility? Why can't it be vice-versa?

Help me understand why this discrimination.

Vyankatesh said...

Beautifully written.

All that is needed under such circumstances is an open mind and open hearts.

Jack said...

Sakshi,

Read 2 posts now. On Alumni Meet, one should keep in mind that there are bound to be changes not only physical but even in mindset of persons. Of course, those who were AHs will continue to be so. On this one, I agree with you. I too have brought out these in some of my posts off & on. Girls should be treated at par with boys by parents with only addition that their safety should be taken care of but not made as a factor to deny liberty. It is a moral responsiblity of husband as well in-laws to give all support and guidence to newly married girl to feel at home in new environments. They should treat her the way they would like their daughter to be treated in her in-laws house.

@ SHAYON : Why not? As long as husband takes responsiblity of running the house doing all needed chores including bringing up children, if not bear them.

Take care

Shayon Pal said...

@Uncle J

That's exactly my question. Why not?

Suruchi said...

Look at Shayon's comment...my god!
Certain ways are certain ways...and yes, the newly wedded bahu does need all the empathy of the world:-)

But then there are usually adjustments at both ends, if you look closely and in houses where sane and sensible people prevail:-)

Sakshi said...

@Harini
Moving out is not the solution na.. what we really need is a way to convince our society to change their mindsets!

@Bikram
Ironically if a guy cares for his wife's family as much as he cares for his own, he is called joru ka ghulam.. and it is ridiculous, because if a girl is to think of the FIL & MIL as her own parents then why not the other way round??

Sakshi said...

@Harshita
Apna Ghar actually means the house where you belong.. and where you are comfortable.. I think we all should be given that freedom.. at least when we proclaim that we are not dependant any more!

@Ria
Yup, the In laws have to realise that they should treat their DIL the way they would expect their own daughters to be treated.

Sakshi said...

@Shayon
These are the innumerable men, who would not get married to working women.. because for them the woman is nothing more than a care taker/house keeper, who will feed him, clean his house, clothes and who would not go to the police shouting rape when he sleeps with her.

Responsibility is a very vague term here, because- If the husband is the earning member then the wife is expected to do all house hold chores.
And ironically, if the wife is working, then also she is expected to do the household chores..
Husband comes back home all tire from work.. toh janaab wants tea.. but if the wife is tired, the husbands in most of the cases don't even care.
Sweetie, it is not about the discrimination.. there are a minority wherein the roles are reversed. But, a minority looked down upon.
Because had that not been a mind set of the society at large- we would not have had people wanting 'SONS ONLY'. It is because a daughter is brought up with that mindset of she is more of debt than an asset by society at large is why we have the discrimination.

Sakshi said...

@Vyankatesh
I agree- Open minds and open heart!


@Uncle J
I still say that the mindset is a problem here!

@Su
Yes, adjustments are needed, all the time, and if it is from both the ends then, the transition is super smooth :)