Saturday, September 19, 2015


lack of satisfaction.
"widespread public dissatisfaction with incumbent politicians"
synonyms: discontent, discontentment, disappointment, disaffection, disquiet, unhappiness, malaise, disgruntlement, frustration, vexation, annoyance, irritation, anger, exasperation, resentment;
Dissatisfaction stems from failure. It stems from a feeling of emptiness that engulfs you when you are unable to talk about what you feel, and when you are unable to deal with your life crisis in a dignified manner. It stems from the fear of failure. It starts at the level of gnawing. When you see someone get that job you hoped that you would get; when you see your own classmate (from school or college) doing so very well for itself and you start to evaluate your own performance against them. 

It starts as jealousy (which is lousy) and then slowly like a disease it spreads. At a first stage treatment, you are mostly in denial mode. You are like, so what, you need to see the bright side of things. And for a while you even do. And then, you see, someone, who was behind you in class in all the ways possible, and *boom* that hits you hard. Your self esteem (especially all the hard work through college, falls flat; what happened to hard work in college reap benefits etc?) goes for a toss. But you are still hopeful (after all, what is life w/out any hope?). But, then, instead of walking forth, life hands you a bunch of cards that you can't bluff with nor can you gamble with. 
And then you are stuck. Or you appear to be stuck. This is the second stage of the disease. 
It is when you are stuck in the second stage, you stop rationalising. You stop wondering, and you forget that each one is fighting some battle or the other. 

This is the stage when you actually sit and analyse each decision that you have made in life and wonder, where is it that you have gone wrong??? What is it that you did not do? Appease the right Gods or the right people. 
And, this, my dear friends leads us to the third and the final stage of this disease, where, you have analysed all the decisions of your life and have wondered and imagined all the possible "what if" scenarios and really can't find where did you go wrong. This is the stage when you become uncertain of all the decisions (major or minor) that are to be taken by you. The virus of malaise like a weed sucks out all your confidence and happiness. You are only kept wondering, why is the other person happier than you? That, why is your life stuck, and that, whether to wake up next morning to go to work is as much of a hard work or as easy as it gets. You can't appreciate all the good around you. hell you can't even be happy for the person that you love. The other symptoms include feeling low all the time; self pity; procrastination; low (lowest) self esteem and confidence and more severe cases nothing (and when I say noting, it means NOTHING x infinity) can ever make you happy. Crying becomes a part of your routine (even when on the face of it, you look like you are not crying in the heart, you are howling in pain and emptiness) and you question everything, including the destiny that is often talked about in the self help books.. you are direction-less and mostly angry or zombie like.

They are very few people, okay there may be a lot of people who are satisfied with their lives and maybe a tiny bit dissatisfied with some parts of it. But, if one of the major parts of your own self, of your own being is dissatisfied with something that is akin to your identity, then it becomes really difficult to appreciate the good things and be happy for the people in your life. 

The disease of Malaise is a very very severe problem, to be dealt with extreme love, care and patience. You have been forewarned!

1 comment:

Bikram said...

I think it is human tendency , we dont get satisfied.. we might be working for a goad when we reach there we never try to enjoy that but instead try to set up another one immediately