Lots of Thanks to MOO...!!!

With all the gratitude... and love- I wish that- Whenever you write your book- You win the Booker... and all the prestigious awards.

The reason for all the good wishes (though I feel- that good wishes should never be shelled out with a reason... for people who deserve it... they should just be given... always)- Moo, has been a darling and has gushed such great things about me in her blog post. Its always a pleasure to get appreciated for your work.

Thank you again Moo.

I have no idea- how I cam across your blog... but I do know- that its always so awesome to hear about all your experiences... and laugh or cry with them.  In this BIG world of blog... your love makes me feel special and a part of this community.

I know it sounds like Mutual Admiration Society type speech... but it is the truth. 

PS: UPDATE more regularly. Please.

I feel...

That communication is the key.

But- is it fair to say it all at the risk of hurting the ONE so special person?

Shayon says that its ok, because- one day it will come out... and make it much worse...!!!

I have risked it already... what do you all have to say about it??

words

Abandonment.

Loneliness.

Understanding.

Impatience.

Love.

Unloved.

Patience.

headaches.

tears.

swollen.

I do not know.

angry.

stupid.

harsh.

guilty.

eruptions.

time.

attention.

heart aches.

escapism.

sarcasm.

death.

wish to death.

romance.

no romance.

ignorance.

rags.

fake laughs.

dark circles.

sleepless nights.

Just a few words, summing up my life... Now.

Blah Life... The Maid, The exam and the Anger...

 I agree with Kashvi, that during the exams, stress makes life worse than what it really is. Its almost like the exam stress is visible because of that huge fat pimple that refuse to go away even with the best of the creams.

My second exam, that was today went off well. I just hope that, the examiner also agrees with my train of thoughts and gives me great marks.

The weekend though was not something that was happy... it was actually a terrible weekend... and thus the post. 

First The maid woes- My maid left on Sunday. And we are already counting the days till her return. Cooking is what really bears the brunt of no maid. And tempers tend to flare more than required. Because nobody really cooks in my house... and, even though my Grandmom with all her wisdom etc is the bestest grandmom... her cooking of certain things and everyday cooking are way apart... Add to that her fav vegetables... and I will not have food till those veggies are out of sight.

Friday was a blablah day. I made a HUGE fool of myself in front of my first crush... I mean I was actually hyperventilating... almost like I was back to my early teenage years yearning for his attention... 

a bit of conversation went like this- 

We were all sitting in our club... (He happens to be family friend's son, Mumbai was being taken for a ride by Delhi, and He being a HUGE sachin fan was in a grim mood...it was almost time for them to leave when I tell to his mom..)

Me: Aunty, your Italian dinner is due... when do we do it?

Aunty: *angelic expression +a smile on her face*

Uncle: Beta, why don't we do one thing... you tell your aunty what all you need and you come to 

            our house and cook...

Me: Uncle are you scared that I will cook badly...?

Uncle: No, beta... its just that we all will help you cook... and it will be a fun thing to do... 

Crush: I am pre- warning you, I can do nothing...when it comes to cooking, the best I can do is 

             bread-butter or bread jam...

Me: Yeah yeah... thanks but no thanks...

Uncle: Why do you have to worry... He (My crush) is a big MCP (Male Chauvinist Pig) and I                      know how to get him to work...

Me: *Appalled* laughing my head off* Sorry crush... I did not mean to instigate that kind of a                  response from  your dad...

Can any one imagine... my embarrassment...

Well, that was Friday... and well... I moved on...

But Saturday... and a Conversation with Shayon... made me realise that, I am losing my patience somewhere.. its almost like, My anger has taken over my sense of being practical...but, is that so??

I mean- not only Shayon, the next morning.. on a lil trigger, I went ballistic on Arushi also... giving her a lecture on her attitude... and how I am just tired of being butt of all the jokes.

I have become highly sensitive... and I can't even blame PMS for it... because I take all the responsibility of my actions... 

But, really- The questions that I wanted answered from Shayon have not yet been answered... it is almost like... a cold war... I know that I am talking to him... but there is something odd about the way we are talking... and I have everything to do with it...

I know, I was harsh on him for all the things that I said to him. But- the other side of the coin says, that If I do not try and put forward what is bottling up inside... it will come out like a volcanic eruption destroying more than it intended too. I have gone on the 'guilt trip' after having the talk with him...  but, either ways its not helping me...

I am getting a little toooo messed up in my mind... I myself have never seen this 'all too sensitive side' of mine... I am way toooo confused...

And I hate all this even more- Because exams are on... even with a week off in between the papers... it is the exam time...

UGH- I feel.. Funny. 

Sometimes...

You know, sometimes, when I look back into the past, I feel that, I wish that I could alter somethings in my past life... 

But then, I realize- Past is past and I can't change it. What I can really do is make sure that I do not repeat the same mistake again. After all- ' To err is Human... and to forgive is divine',(But this saying is losing its significance everyday... )

I am going to share a story with you all in this post, I have no idea, why am I sharing this, but somehow I felt that- I need to.

Once there was a girl. Very average looking and equally average in all the spheres. She was neither good in studies, nor really great at sports, arts or anything of that sorts. Then, when she started school, she thought that maybe, being in a 'group' would help her find her identity in school. But, because she was so average she did not fit in. 

Then she thought, ok, I do not fit in, but I can try to be like them... or like the others. All through her school life, she tried to be like the others so that she can be friends with them. But she never could find true friends. Later in college, she again tried to be friends. But, she was snubbed. Because- she was snobbish for all. Always craving attention. Again she found no true friends.

But- On facebook and on orkut- She found her classmates back, from those school days, when she was trying to fit in. They all became friends. But not really friends. Years, had passed by. And I saw, the groups that she was yearning to be a part off, were broken. Because, she realised, that they all were a group for the heck of it. Not really true friends. The test of time... and something as small as shuffling of sections could not hold them together. 

Today, she knows, that even though they are on each other's friends list... they are no more friends. Because, friends, are friends, not because of convenience but because... they care.

And that girl, till date- Doesn't have a 'group' doesn't really have friends . Just one best friend. That best friend has group and she is jealous. But then again. She is very average... and she doesn't really fit in. She is always a 'tag along' because- no group of friends means no plans... no parties. But, then... she doesn't really fit in.

As she sits and thinks about this- she realises, that, its not that she doesn't fit in... but its because, she was never accepted as herself . She thinks, I am glad that I did not change for any one and I am me. And she thinks, that,  God's blessings are the friends that accept you the way you are. Those are the friends that are tough to find... 

She prays- That all the people in the world who have these set of true friends- always remember- That even though they are not the same... they are together because- They love each other and care for each other... and not because they want to fit in. These are friends who stay on for life...

God bless them.

You know, why I shared this story... because- Its my story. I do not have the group of friends... I have never really fit in. Despite the fact that I get jealous... of all of them who have a life outside of being friend... and in that life I am not included... I feel happy- because- I am not pretending anymore. And I pray- That, the group of friends that I know, remain friends forever... because they care and not because it was friendship of convenience. 

LOST!!!

Its always much nicer to sit down and write a post after your first exam.

It was awesome. 

But the day was terrible!!! As if it was not feeling weird giving an exam on Sunday... 

My pens yeah not one but all, refused to comply with the writing speed that I wanted them to have... Only I know how finished my paper... 

But the biggest thing that happened today was that- I lost my specs... No I can read... and write w/o them but with constant headaches being the result... so... am pretty much doomed minus my specs as far as studies go.... 

Oh- The more valuable thing that was lost during the day... was by my dear dad- He managed to get his pocket picked... the one with his phone in it. OUCH.

That meant- A new phone... ASAP. Thus came the Nokia 3600... to our family of phones... Amongst all of us... My mom, who got this phone.... (dad took back his old phone from mom) has THE most sophisticated phone now.... awesome...

Hmmm- Another thing that happened about an hour and a half back was a fight with Shayon. And I am talking to him. 

I mean, its one thing to be passionate about something.... but does that really license you to ignore the other person... if that is it... then, well, I have no idea how to cope with the hurt and rejection of it.... (Imagine being saut to a freaking GAME- WARCraft).

I do not usually get worked about these little issues.... but of late- I have been constantly being reminded of being IGNORED. By a lot of people who I don't really give a hoot about... but being ignored by the Person... who I give a lot more than a hoot about... OUCH and OUCH again....

God Bless My Parents...!!!

About a few weeks back, I read a post on DC's blog. 

The post was a very simple description of the ideal guy in her life and the one that she would like to marry.

The end conclusion was- That a girl will normally fall in love with a guy who is like her dad.

I know why that is true for me....

here is a lil story that my Father told me and my sister last night... (BTW- My parents have been together for 35 years, though they have been married only for 24 years... yeah they dated for sooooooo long, thus this story is from one of their dating days.)

**************************

The year is not really known, but, at that time Dad was working as an apprentice (something like that) in Mumbai. When he decided to come to Delhi for a break- he called up Mom, and asked her to receive him at the station. It so happened that, he could not get the train ticket to Delhi... 

Now, we are talking about a time when, there were STD booths, no cell phones and absolute restrictions on talking on the phones late at night or anytime... especially for my Mom at her parents house. And we are also talking about those times when airplane tickets were not a cheap commodity...

So, when my father had no means of informing my mom about his misfortune and he was also worried that she will get all harassed and worried waiting for him at the station... he took a flight to Delhi.

****************************

Now, isn't that, like the sweetest thing...!!! I swear, I have never seen another couple so much in love... and my mom muses that their love story was like that of Aditi and Rats in Jaane tu, ya Jaane na... 

God Bless my Parents...!!! Love them soooo much.... MUAH