Looking Back.. The Anniversary Week Begins

Last year exactly at this time, I was gearing up for the first of the many functions that were going to begin for my wedding.
Tonight, I am sitting in my room. The Husband is out with his friends. The dog is sleeping and tomorrow is just another Monday.

Sometimes I remark that I had too long a wedding, it almost spanned one month and 3 cities. But at times like today, I feel glad that I had such a long wedding. I at least have more memories to cherish.

So a crazy year has gone by. A year in a different house, as a part of a different family, and slowly realising that you are also a different person altogether.
People say that a lot changes after marriage, I only wished and still hope that I am able to keep alive in me the pre-wedding self, whilst I discover the new grown up and a more mature post wedding self.

Here is a low down on the year of being married:
Whilst the honeymoon trip was good, the honeymoon period did not really last (between Husband and me, we never really had that whole honeymoon period gig, even when we were dating).
When the adults used say that "Shaadi koi khel nahin hai", I guess they said out of loads of experience, because marriage my dear readers is a very serious business with the tag of expectation attached to it.
It is a lot more about a lot of other things than the couple (In India, it is about the families more than the two people who are married to each other).

Also, marriage is a great teacher of and advocates "Letting Go", the anger, pride, ego and at times even things that make you happy.
Marriage teaches you the true meaning of "sharing is caring" and the exact definition of "Compromise".


But, Marriage also teaches you how one person suddenly becomes more important than the rest of the world, and how you strive to make that one person happy.
For a person like me, it also teaches you how to cook, clean, make a bed, and everything that a home maker can do.
Marriage teaches you togetherness and loneliness at the same time.

And above all it teaches you the true meaning of "Love".


Yeah, by now you all must have realised that so far as I am concerned the first year of marriage has been nothing short of a roller coaster ride, and there have been times that I felt like leaving it all behind. But then, something holds you on, something as simple as a fact that the husband usually has to crush me during the night in cuddle when he comes to sleep.

I am still learning and so is the husband. We have taken the added responsibility of the Dog, and suddenly we are also expected to have a baby soon too :P (I tell you the expectations).

But nevertheless, this is just the beginning of our lives together and this is amongst the first few milestones that we would cross together.. Here is to being married and to holding on.

Happy 1st Marriage Anniversary...

Platinum Love: Precious. Rare. Perfect

March, 2010

(phone ringing at 5 am in the morning)

Her (mostly asleep): Hello? What the hell.. is everything okay?

Him: I am at the Bangalore airport and I am taking the next flight out to Delhi.

Her (stammering and now fully awake) : Whhat? Why?

Him: I broke into your mailbox. And I know what you have been upto. I need to talk to you, and we need to figure this out. I’ll see you in a couple of hours. Connaught Place, Barista.

Her (head spinning): (a muted)  Yes.

(7 pm , on the same day, at a road not far from her house, it has started to drizzle a little, a cold rain)

Her: We need to break up.

Him: Fine, let me walk you to your house and give you a last hug at least.

(about 30 mins later)

Him: You are not the same person who I had fallen in love with 5 years back. You have been teasing me that my skills of wooing are rusting, I am going to win you back, and put that smile back on your face.

Her: (looking on; dumbfounded)

Him: And oh, those Anniversary Cards that you had sent me, I will only read them once we are back together. (Walking off)

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When I joined a social networking site (remember “Hi5”) in the year 2004, little did I know that I had just changed my life forever.

I was not a tech freak and I joined just because everyone was, and it  took me a lot of time to understand the workings of that site (trust me, it took me a lot of time to figure facebook too... ) and finally, I managed to join a book discussion group... there I bumped into this guy who had total outrageous fundas (mind you- It was the Da Vinci Code by Dan Brown that we were discussing). It was amazing to find amongst the “will you fraandship me” boys, someone who actually had a sense of humour and an intellectual mind set. And after discussing Christianity , hinduism and what not, the proverbial friend request came and which was readily accepted by me.  And then there was not a day that went by when we weren’t talking online, from the walls of our pages, to the DM’s (or what they were at that time) to the chatting platforms; MSN/Yahoo, e-mails and finally the phone.

He is true blood bong. I am the hot headed Punjaban. He thanks to his Dad’s transferable job, has seen most of the country and has studied in 10 different schools. I on the other hand may have seen the country thanks to the love of travel, but was/am a hardcore Delhi ki Kudi. Plus, when we met (virtually), he was in Tatanagar doing his engineering, I on the other hand was gearing up for law school in the NCR region.

Seriously, what were the odds?

In an era where real friends and friendships were hard to come across, this was ‘net friendship’, how long would it last??

So, we are net friends helping each other out in our respective love lives. Decoding the proverbial “What does he/she means”.

After 3 months of hopelessly trying to decode the love signals that were being given by our respective “lovers” in question, whilst talking to each other for hours at a stretch resulted in the inevitable. And we realised that there was more to us than just being “Friends”.

There was one problem though:

We hadn’t seen each other. Oh yeah, pictures were there. But that was the time of low resolution Digital Camera, and lack of privacy settings on the social networking sites, that prevented the real us to come before each other.

But still, the twitching in our heart continued. The seemingly harmless flirtation over the phones and smses kept giving us the heart burnt. And then, finally on 14th February, 2005, we took the plunge. It took me less than 7 hours to say “I love you” to him.

The first 15-20 days we were inseparable, even though we were in two different cities , on an average we talked about 5-7 hours over the phone and then we were emailing and chatting with each other. And when the phone bill came- we were first amused, then shocked and then scared. It was then that we talked mostly through net i.e via email /chatting and ofcourse there were snail mails too and I used to go to a STD booth with 20 rupees with so that we could talk for 5 mins. ( Those were the times of super high  STD rates on cell phones).

The real test however was the “First Meeting”.

It was 8 months later that we met for the first time as a couple. I can still feel that moment like yesterday. The sparks just flew, with the very first handshake (We were too awkward to even hug each other). The chemistry was crackling, and everything was like it was meant to be.

The rest as they say is history.

For the 5 years that I was in Law school , he was doing his engineering for 4 of those. And at the first opportunity that he finally got a.k.a a job, he came to Delhi. [We maintained a 4 year long relationship solely via phones, snail mails, e-mails and a meeting maybe once a year for a weekend]. And thus started the most blissful year in our relationship, of stolen kisses, bunked college classes and dates in real life.

The shocker though came 11 months later, when better opportunity beckoned him to the IT city of Bangalore, and we were back to the square one. But, we were very confident. We had done it for 4 long years, we can pull it off again. Plus, I was just a couple of months away from graduating, and I could obviously start looking for a job in Bangalore.

So after loads of crying, snotting, and being upset and angry over fate and life, I bid adieu to my darling.

Then the over confidence in our ability to maintain a long distance relationship spoiled the party. A self destruct button was hit. And I cheated.

The irony being, that I ended up cheating him with another fellow blogger (Lets call him Mr. X), who I met online. I was no kid, neither was Mr. X.  

How things started to slide downwards, I don’t really remember, but I do remember, the guilt.

It was my own actions, which led to him wooing me back. And woo me back he did. When I broke things up after 5 years of being in a relationship, all I was asked for by him was to still let us be friends.

Even though it was awkward to be friends with your ex, it was probably the best decision that I took that year, and remained friends with my ex. He literally saved my soul. He became a friend all over again, just like we were 5 years ago. Whilst, on one side he was becoming my friend, on the other he started his mission to win me back by showing to me the facade behind the identity of the Mr. X. The lies and the stories that were made to mislead.

The break up lasted for 2 months, and even though we were back together, we were treading cautious grounds. Things were tougher than before. And he was still miles away.

Finally, he decided to move back to Delhi and in  August, 2010 he was back.

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September 4th , 2010 (My Birthday Eve)

Him:  I need some change.

Me: Abhi?

Him: Your Birthday cake is here, and the guy doesn't have change.

Me. Okay. Here you go. (handing over the change)

Him: Come with me na..I’ll get lost.  

[In his defense we were at my Club, and it was the first time that he was visiting the club]

Her: We are at my Birthday party.. I can’t just walk out na.. take someone else na.. Please..

Him : Please..

Me: Grrr.. okay.. lets hurry it up.

[Now the main gate of the club, where the cake guy was waiting was beyond the parking lot. A good 5 minute walk from where we were. We reach the main gate and I scream at the guard for not letting the cake guy get in, scream at the cake guy for not carrying change and pay him off and start walking back.. I am in the front.. trying to navigate the dark parking lot in my heels]

Him: Hey, do you have a problem spending a few minutes away from your precious party and with me instead..

Me: (in a catch 22 situation) .. hmmm no… why? Its just that people will be wondering by now..

Him: arre 5 minutes is all I am asking.

We stop in the middle of the parking lot. Its dark. And I am wondering what is wrong with him. I am praying that I did not end up doing another fuck up.

He asks me to hold the cake for a bit. I set the cake - box in my hand, making sure that it doesn’t slip and avert my eyes for 10 seconds. I look back and he is not in front of me. I look around, and down and see him there, on his knees, with a ring in his hand. Proposing me.

Him: I know that we have been through a lot in the last couple of months. And right now also we are figuring out the nuances of our relationship all over again… But one thing that I know for sure is, that there is no one else who I would want to spend my life with.

Engagement at the Club 

I was proposed in a dark parking lot with my own birthday cake in my hand; after we had been through a break-up, make-up, what the hell is happening to our relationship phase… and the proposal was just how it was supposed to be “PERFECT”.

Today, we are married. And our actual, official engagement function happened in that club only.

He is still my best friend, my confidant, my life, my love .. the most, most precious part of my life, just like Platinum.

Precious. Rare. And perfect.

This is a part of my entry into the "Platinum Day of Love" contest by Indiblogger.

The reality bites

And often bites too hard. I wonder if you have felt betrayed by the reality of life.
I wonder if you have ever day dreamt yourselves into believing that all will be in sync.  That all will be,  well.

I hate being the pessimistic, negative thinking creature. But life is not giving me any reasons to really be optimistic.

I wish.

My lips like "Sugar"

I have grown up a year.
I am 27. Quarter life crisis are at their peak.
I am married. I have gained weight and I can't fit in my clothes.. :|

But, I have a husband who loves me like crazy. And he has added to the joy of being a couple..by getting us a golden lab puppy.

Sugar

Her name is Sugar... and she is naughtiest, the most troublesome little cutie pie that I have come across. She pees the whole day all over the house, and despite all that we do she poops in the house too. Husband and I are like these over fussy parents running behind her cleaning behind her and scolding her every time accidents happen. I get up at least twice during the night to check on her, and she has this weird habit of waking up at 4 am in the morning with an expectation that we will get up and play with her.

Both Husband and I are learning the nuances of parenting and above all learning major lessons in being patient with each other and being patient with her. And whenever I see him, cleaning up behind her.. holding her, loving her, being overtly protective about her.. I realise that, whatever he says, he is going to be an amazing father.
So, while, we are closing in on to completing a year of being married, we are re learning the lessons in unconditional love, in being care givers and above all lessons on being a couple all over. 

Time runs..

This weekend was  spent in Delhi. My home. With the parents and the sister and the super best friend.
The last four days were a whirlwind. And even though I did not call or checked in anywhere because I did not want to announce that I was in Delhi, I felt that the time just vanished somewhere.

This time more than ever, I realised that things were just as I had left them. Yeah, the dry cleaners shop has been renovated and so has the best friends house. But this time, it was mostly about sleeping and chilling the way I used to before shaadi.

There was a paath followed by langar in the colony gurudwara for my birthday. This happens every year. I stayed over at the best friends house and bitched all night long about everything under the sun. Something that we almost always did and still do over the phone. I had almost all my meals at home, with my grandmother checking on to me in the morning to wake me up. Something that was always the ritual. Every morning for as long as I remember, dot at 8 am on a weekday and at 9 am on a weekend, she barges on our room and tells us.. It's time to wake up. More so on the weekdays, because it's office for me. I mean had it not been for her, I would never reach office on time.

My mom gossiping with me.. Trying to fix the kitties and the school stories. Dad, talking about the court, about work and in general making sure that I do the work that I am supposed to.
All seemed like it was the way it has always been. I still called the husband at night from the bathroom. But, nothing was same and all had changed.

One time yesterday, I was on mom and dad's bed, sitting in between them, and sister standing next to dad leaning on his knee, and arguing with mom, while I am fiddling with me phone, and adding the fuel to fire in the argument that mom and sister are having. My dad was smiling away to glory and remarking, this feels so nice. And almost at that instant, I felt that nothing has changed and we are still in 2012.
But all has changed.

Time is running it's course and I am almost married for a year.

My homecoming is an event and even though I love the fact that mom and dad and everyone else makes or tries to make time for me, I can't wish being jealous of friends who have both their families in the same city. I need to learn to  balance. But, I don't know how to. Or like the husband would say, that I don't want to.

Seriously, the farewell every time is with a lump in a throat and the bitter sweet knowledge of the fact that,  while I leave parents, sister and a life behind. I also have the husband waiting on the other side to hold me in his arms as I mope because I am back.

Just perfect

A couple of years back, I tried to throw a birthday party, and it flopped. Hardly anyone showed and that was the end of the Birthday party at home.
The year after that, the party was at the club, with all the cousins and a few friends. It was also the birthday on which the husband had proposed me and like they say, sealed the deal.

And yesterday was a step further. I am cynical to say the least about my birthday  and this was my first in 27 years without my parents or couains or the BFF around. The thing that I forgot was that, it was also the first as a married woman in house with two men, and a husband who loves me like crazy, even though he drives me crazy most of the time ;).

From cards, to books, to a superb hand bag, to 4 cakes to awesome lunch and an even more splendid dinner at one of the best Coastal Restaurant in the country (Dakshin, ITC Maratha) and not just us, it was the friends and family that really mattered to me,  no to us. I was surrounded by love. And while we swapped our stories, about childhood, experiences and just the general banter we were being treated to some great food. My father in law and husband split the hefty bill and I sat there wondering why.
(One of my Dad's aunt yesterday commented that while I was turning 27 in the biological years, I was turning 1 year old in the new family, and just like the grand 1st birthday that my parents did for me, so was this Birthday grand in its own way..)

I being me asked the husband why.. And all he said was "if not for you then for who". And I cried, with joy of course.

I know that we have our own set of things and issues that we deal with everyday. And I have often been told and I also belive that relationships and marriages are not just two people being together.. It's always a work in progress. And while we invent and learn about the newest ways to make each other miserable by the virtue of being married..
These perfect days become the memories that I will treasure for the life to come.

Thank you my dear Patidev, you truly are a catch ;) and you are the best thing that has happened to me.

Just Another Day..

The husband has been telling me that I get really frustrated whenever we talk about my birthday. 
I told him that is not so. 
The reason that I just don't get excited anymore is because I can't deal with the disappointment that ensues after I get excited about something special.
The experience of the past says it all. Every time I expect, I end up being disappointed, and hurt.
So when it is alleged that I am frustrated.. It is not entirely true.
It is just the slight irritation at the fact that I am being told to get excited, when understandably thanks to the past I know that it will be just another day.