Political Musings

There was a long debate on a Firstpost Article that the Husband had shared on his FB feed, which unlike the rest of the media made a little bit more sense about the "intolerance" remark.

For all that it is worth, the whole initial debate which started with SRK saying that we are becoming intolerant, followed by Aamir saying the same. Somewhere during the statements that were made by these two celebrities, their were the others from the community of actors, producers, writers, scholars, and other intelligentsia who decided that they would return the state honours that have been given to them as a mark of protest against the rising tempers and "intolerance" in the country.

As soon as the intelligentsia opened their mouth to protect their own integrity as the people of art and their own interest, it sparked an outrage. An outrage that was uncalled for, an outrage that questioned the nationality and patriotism of the actors and the other award givers.

Can someone, anyone, please explain to me, how is this being "tolerant". How is it that the Government decides to use these very celebrities to spread the messages of awareness in the public, and when these celebrities say something which actually means something, the public in general instead of really applying their minds, just start trolling.

And this is why we end up having morons as our leaders.

We are a country that gets swayed by wherever the tides pull us. Oh, this man, who is a Muslim by religion, says that there is intolerance in the country automatically means that he is talking about the hindutva sect (chor ki daadi me tinka)..!!

Did anyone of the silly people re-tweeting and re sharing the anti Aamir Khan messages and posts, sit back and think that if a man, who has all the money that he can get and any kind of security that he desires, and who can choose to turn his face away from everything, instead chooses to talk about it to the world, then there is something seriously wrong with the world that we are living in.

We have become the generation which has such an overwhelming amount of information at our disposal, that we have forgotten how sift the wheat from the chaff, how to process the information, and respond to the musings and action of the intelligentsia. We react.

There are factions in the society, amongst us, and people like the Husband and my self, who have stopped reacting to the outrage of the people, and the outrageous comments that they make. We have become numb to the happenings of intolerance that are happening around us.

I for once can't stop wondering that why are people not reacting to the poison in the Air that we are breathing every single day of our lives, or reacting to the bad infrastructure that the politicians refuse to do anything about.
The Politicians give the most nonsensical reasons to the society at large to react about (religious and casts and love jihad) and make us all forget about the real reasons why they were put on the seat of power, as the representative of the people in the first place. 

The Thanksgiving update

So many things have been happening around me and to me that I haven't had the time, nor have I had the energy to write about it.

Things have changed.
Yet again.

As I write this update on my blog, I am sitting in an office in Delhi. Yes, you read that right. The Husband and I have moved back to the Dil walon ki Dilli. He got a new job, I took a transfer. This decision was taken a long time ago, however, we were planning to take it a little bit slowly, and had hoped to move back here with a little bit more mental preparation and emotional stability.
But life has a way of throwing curve balls and the timing is always wrong.

So, instead of moving with our timelines, we ended up moving much much earlier. We have managed to finalise a house in the NCR region, and since I will the victim of long travel again, I shall be writing about the ever amazing failed public transport system in this city. [If you have stayed in Delhi all your life, you know for a fact that the Auto walla bhaiyas have perfected the art of ignoring your presence when you try to flag them for a ride, and the buses may be used at your own risk and lastly, even though Delhi Metro is the BEST, there is still a lot to be desired].

We did the most epic road trip to Delhi, since we wanted to get the car and Sugar along with us. We drove from Mumbai to Delhi via Ahemdabad and Pushkar (Rajasthan) over period of 2 nights and 3 days. We had our friend, Mr. Mad Cap Loony, who on my insistence flew down to Mumbai to do the Road trip with us. There was thus never a lull of conversation, weird songs and amazing time on the trip. We were on a timeline to reach Delhi and therefore, we could not really see much of the cities that we passed through, but yes, we did stop over at Mount Abu for Lunch.
The other epic part of the journey was us getting trampled by a bunch of cows on the national Highway. We are all okay, the car, is a different story altogether (It is not as bad as I am making it sound!).

The fact that we have moved back still hasn't sunk in. There are those butterflies and nervous episodes that make me feel that this is just another vacation that may get over any time.

The biggest thing that has happened after our moving to Delhi, was a distinct change in everyone's attitude towards Sugar. While my Mom still stays away from her physically, I get an update about Sugar's day down to the T. From how much did she play to with who all did she play and how much did she sleep and all that jazz. Sugar has somehow gotten hurt on her knee, and has therefore been limping, and before I could make that out, I got a report from my Mom, that there is something wrong with her, and that she has been licking her paw constantly. Of course, there is still a lot of apprehension around Sugar, but it is still better than having a wall in my house.

And this is how we marked our 3rd Marriage Anniversary. In middle of finding houses, staying out of a suitcase and rediscovering the joys and constraints of having the entire family hounding you day and night..

Here is thanking everyone who has helped me in this journey and here is hoping for the best in the coming challenges! 

How "Not" to be a Boss

I have had a plethora of bosses, with each one giving me something or the other to ponder about. As chance would have it, most of my bosses have been women, and that have made things slightly complicated (You women are complicated beings!)

So while the post is going to be a critical analysis of the Bosses and lessons to take from itr, they are purely my own, and IF any of my bosses is reading this, then well, take it with a pinch of salt!!

Ms. MA:
My first boss, who is as fierce a feminist as can be. Someone whose husband is a foreigner and stays in a foreign land, and she was managing a long distance marriage (at that point in time, I could not piece together my relationship over a distance!) and she taught me that I would not want to have a life where I cannot balance my asperations along with my family. She also taught me that there is absilutely no short cut to success, but time management makes working smarter an easy solution.

Ms.PC:
She was/ is my mentor. She may not have the hard hitting attitude, but she sure does have a lot of patience. She taught me the value of confidence, of reading and learning, and she has constantly been my guide. She has taught me grit (she is a single mom, who is raising a teenage son, with a heart of Gold). I have learnt from her never to give up, and the fact that as a boss, if you trust your junior, you will always always get loyalty in return.

Ms. SS & Mr. RS:
These were my bosses in the "corporate world" and have taught me so much about corporate politics that it makes me shudder to the core. Ms. SS, has taught me how not be a bitch who gets swayed by anything and everything, and how important is it to use your own brains to make the most important decisions.
Mr. RS has taught me that, when you act like a "SOB", then you will loose good talent, and your own ego will make you choose the most wrong people for the jobs that they are doing.

Both of them also taught me, that it is a very bad idea to look at things from one perspective, and being non appreciative about the things that have been done by your juniors over the years and otherwise.
They also taught me the imporance of appreciation (rather non- appreciation).

Dr. PA & BNM:
The current crop of bosses. The more you say about them, the less it is. They have taught me the most in the last 8 months of my stint here.
One of the primary lessons that I have learnt is about deciet.. Yes you read that right. When you promise something and do something else.
The next lesson that I have learnt here is about pulling the strings from behind a puppet, and how easy it is for you to do that if you have the money.
The other lesson that I have learnt is about knowledge. While Ms. PC was weak in certain portions of law, she would always ask for help, and trust the person who has more knowledge than her to ensure that correct advise is given. Here, even though, the knowledge bank is empty and the people who know their stuff are willing to help, the trust is missing.
Micro management is another aspect that is a part of the deal.. when you micro manage and don't trust, you will have people (even the most loyal ones) resenting you all the time.

These are just a few things that I have learnt, and I hope that whenever, I have a set of juniors I am able to take the good and leave the rest.

The "Secret" Adult Society

When I was a kid, often while my parents and their friends were sitting together for a dinner, or just gossiping around, they would usually shoo the kids away (okay, we as kids were also not really interested to listen to their talks). But, once I was a little older, they would still shoo me away.

And, I wondered why. Then, from the teenage, I entered the twenties, and I was allowed to vote, hell, I was allowed to have wine, but often, still shooed away when the parents sat down to chit chat. Wasn't I a grown up still??

And then I got married.

And wham bham, that was the automatic membership to the "Secret" Adult Society. It was almost like, I had grown up instantaneously.
The knowledge that marriage meant consensual sex, and so and so forth makes people more comfortable around the "grown up kids".

You all are raising an eye brow? I notice all kinds of patterns, and this secret society pattern is something that has strakly come in to view.

For one, my elder cousin (sister), doesn't think twice about talking to me about her bedroom life with her husband, and how things change when you have kids. I have always been close to her, but she would never expressely talk about the fact that how she slept off in the moment....!!!

And the sexually charged up jokes by the women, in general make uncomfortable in a conversation an understatement. It is like, no conversation is complete without a sexual innuendo. And from the talks of these ladies, it seems that sex becomes a rarity post the kids!

Then there are conversations around retirements and savings, and the same parents that usually shield you from the realities of life don't shield you anymore, and the guilt that is often not a part of the growing up, becomes a part of your being in its entirety.

The decision making process becomes lenthy. Like really complicated. Earlier, if there was a party, you would ask your parents, who would often play football between themselves and then say no (my parents mostly said no). Now that you have a party to attend to, you have to think of the following:

1. Is it on a weekend?
2. Check with your spouse, if there is any plan.
3. Check your bank balance, if it is a dutch party.
4. Buy a gift if you are not the host.
5. Clothes. None that fit you any more. Therefore, buy or improvise.
6. Car. Would you forego the drinking or your spouse?
7. Is there any other plan, the next day!
Shit! You would have to for go sleep to have a happening weekend.

And this was a simple party that we are talking aboutr. Imagine making a decision, if it is shifting of a house, a city, changing jobs or wanting to study.

Then there is the food. Remember the good ol days when you made a face at the brocoli.. times my dear friend has changed and the karma of the brocoli follows you as an adult!!

When they talk about being a grown up, they don't tell you, how complicated is it, to call up a friend and to believe when they say that they are okay, when in your heart your instincts tell you otherwise. Of the fake smiles and heart breaking decisions.
And all you think is, when will this end???

Festivities, Change and a Crazy lady!

There is this urge to write.
A certain franctic feeling, about recording every thought that runs through my mind. But, then when I open this page often, I am blank.

I want to type, and then I am just too lazy.

The Gods it seem take the sadist pleasure to dump me with way too many things to think about, to act upon and then expect me to not to freak out (or like the husbad says- "become a crazy lady").

Yes, things are in a tizzy!

The year it seems is getting set to close on high note, one way or the other.

Here is to festivities, and change!

It's the MSBK nightmare once more!

Circa 2002.

I lost my Dada ji one day after my 10th Standard Boards. Things changed post that.

He was my moral, silent support whenever I made certain decision against my Mom's wishes. As a matter of fact, during his time, the flow of approval for anything in the house would snowball into "Go ask your dadu". I used to butter him a lot. Often, I would get my way, but mostly it was a coaxing me to accept a No.

I was the permission kind of girl. Looking for affirmations and not really the "make independent decisions" kind of girl. Sort of a goody two shoes who would often cry for her freedom in the dead of the night.

I won't say I had a repressed childhood but my tantrums and angry (often accompanied by contorted facial expressions) were never taken kindly. I was loved and spoilt, but the family missed out on educating me about making independent, educated decisions and choices.

So, Dadu was not there when my Xth Standard results came. My Mom always wanted me to pass out of a premier school (I dunno what was the whole fuss about at that time); I being me, agreed. And I was admitted into MSBK (If you are from Delhi and are familiar with school short forms, you would know this and if you don't, don't bother). I was (and still am) sort of shabby looking, not interested in ensuring that I am slim trim and parlour going hoor ki pari and plus since I moved into this elite school of kids only for 2 odd years, I was instantly a social outcast. I did manage to have a couple of friends, but unlike how they show you in television dramas , it is no fun being a social outcast (in my previous school, I had created a niche for myself).

And, for most of the XIth Standard, I used to hardly go to school. I used to be ill. I had headaches, I had stomach aches and sometimes, I used to puke. And, I don't know if anyone would believe me, but I never faked or induced any of this.

Today, I am on the same pedestal and I am having headaches, stomach aches and fevers (low grade). The husband is obviously worried.
But, I see a pattern.
I am not happy. I am in a situation that I can't wriggle myself out of (professionally). I am time and again trying so hard to be able to stay calm, and just focus on the kaam (work); but because every instruction that I get is a blow to my self esteem of being a lawyer then how the hell do I take control.

There is none to blame but me.
The whole stress is getting on to me. It is making me nervous. And, I am slowly disintegrating. 

Malaise

dissatisfaction/dɪssatɪsˈfakʃn/
noun
lack of satisfaction.
"widespread public dissatisfaction with incumbent politicians"
synonyms: discontent, discontentment, disappointment, disaffection, disquiet, unhappiness, malaise, disgruntlement, frustration, vexation, annoyance, irritation, anger, exasperation, resentment;

Dissatisfaction stems from failure. It stems from a feeling of emptiness that engulfs you when you are unable to talk about what you feel, and when you are unable to deal with your life crisis in a dignified manner. It stems from the fear of failure. It starts at the level of gnawing. When you see someone get that job you hoped that you would get; when you see your own classmate (from school or college) doing so very well for itself and you start to evaluate your own performance against them. 

It starts as jealousy (which is lousy) and then slowly like a disease it spreads. At a first stage treatment, you are mostly in denial mode. You are like, so what, you need to see the bright side of things. And for a while you even do. And then, you see, someone, who was behind you in class in all the ways possible, and *boom* that hits you hard. Your self esteem (especially all the hard work through college, falls flat; what happened to hard work in college reap benefits etc?) goes for a toss. But you are still hopeful (after all, what is life w/out any hope?). But, then, instead of walking forth, life hands you a bunch of cards that you can't bluff with nor can you gamble with. 

And then you are stuck. Or you appear to be stuck. This is the second stage of the disease. 

It is when you are stuck in the second stage, you stop rationalising. You stop wondering, and you forget that each one is fighting some battle or the other. 

This is the stage when you actually sit and analyse each decision that you have made in life and wonder, where is it that you have gone wrong??? What is it that you did not do? Appease the right Gods or the right people. 

And, this, my dear friends leads us to the third and the final stage of this disease, where, you have analysed all the decisions of your life and have wondered and imagined all the possible "what if" scenarios and really can't find where did you go wrong. This is the stage when you become uncertain of all the decisions (major or minor) that are to be taken by you. The virus of malaise like a weed sucks out all your confidence and happiness. You are only kept wondering, why is the other person happier than you? That, why is your life stuck, and that, whether to wake up next morning to go to work is as much of a hard work or as easy as it gets. You can't appreciate all the good around you. hell you can't even be happy for the person that you love. The other symptoms include feeling low all the time; self pity; procrastination; low (lowest) self esteem and confidence and more severe cases nothing (and when I say noting, it means NOTHING x infinity) can ever make you happy. Crying becomes a part of your routine (even when on the face of it, you look like you are not crying in the heart, you are howling in pain and emptiness) and you question everything, including the destiny that is often talked about in the self help books.. you are direction-less and mostly angry or zombie like.

They are very few people, okay there may be a lot of people who are satisfied with their lives and maybe a tiny bit dissatisfied with some parts of it. But, if one of the major parts of your own self, of your own being is dissatisfied with something that is akin to your identity, then it becomes really difficult to appreciate the good things and be happy for the people in your life. 

The disease of Malaise is a very very severe problem, to be dealt with extreme love, care and patience. You have been forewarned!