Thursday, May 19, 2016

The mystery of the missing dupatta and about being thoughtful and thoughtless

This morning when I left home, I distinctly remember carrying my duppatta with me, along with my purse and my tiffin. I sat in the car, and throughout the 30 minute drive that dupatta did not trouble me. It did not slither down to create hurdles while I was driving, and because of all the things that are happening around me, my drive becomes my thinking zone, I forgot about that dupatta.
(I usually put the dupatta along with the tiffin, the purse and the other jing bang on the passenger seat so that everything is accounted for, and today, I did not follow my protocol.)

So, at the end of my drive (which is at the starbucks close to my office), when I got down to go and collect my coffee, the dupatta did not slide down, and I believe that I missed it falling off me, when I got out of the car. When I got back into the car to go to office, I of course did not remember about the dupatta. Three minutes later, about halfway to my office from Starbucks, I realise that I had a dupatta and its missing. I stop my car, frantically search in the car, turn around the car and drive back to where I had parked my own car, but there was nothing there. No dupatta.

And, in all honesty, I have NO freaking clue, where, why or how the hell did it even fall off me and I did not realise it? It is not a small thing. It was a big green and black printed dupatta! The good thing though is, that the kurta that I am wearing is not with a dupatta, so, there is nothing missing per se. And the kurta with which this duppatta came, has faded, and I was going to throw it away in any case.

But, the fact is, that I am not a careless person. I believe that I am a careful person, and I abhor losing things because, I have not followed protocol (as set by my own self!). This is precisely THE reason, why at times, things need to happen the way I want. Because of the protocols that I have set. Sometimes, one has to adjust, but for things as regular as going to work, there are things that I like to follow, so that I don't miss out on important things. Like, I have travel kits. When we were in Mumbai, we used to travel a lot, and because last minute frenzy often makes me anxious, and I hate forgetting (because, I get reprimanded for forgetting), I had prepared three small bags with travel toiletries, things that I can't travel without and which are important (even a toilet paper). It always helps me because, if we have to travel on the shortest of notice, I have these three bags that I toss in and I am set. Plus, of course, my purse has everything that I need too!

I am sometimes jealous of the people, who don't care. But I think my anxiety tops that feeling of jealousy. I'd rather travel in peace than with worrying about pooping in dirty toilets without paper.

So, yeah, there are things that have been protocoled (I don't think that this a word), and when it is just me, I can follow it. But when its a team (like having the Husband), it becomes too many questions, answers and logic. As has been established via the previous post, I lack logic.

So yeah, my dear dupatta, wherever you are, you served me well, and I miss you, and I am sorry that I lost you.

Being thoughtful is again a perspective. I mean, what being thoughtful means to me will not necessarily be akin to your perspective. And rest of the disclaimer about the thoughtfulness will be somewhere in between the post or towards the end.

So, I have a colleague in my present office, whose girlfriend's birthday is on the coming weekend and he has been working super hard for making it super special for her. I know this because almost all of us in office have helped him :D.
The thing being, that he has picked up stuff for his girl by observing various things, by carefully scrutinizing the conversations that they have had (albeit in the last three months, but give the guy the credit!). His girlfriend is also a lawyer, and she has travelled a lot, and she had in a conversation mentioned to him that she is looking to create a space in her room where she can probably have a map which is marked in some way to mark all the places that she has been to. So, he starts looking and finds a quirky map, which he gets mount on a softboard. The map is foil covered, and the person can scratch the places where all they have visited, and each scratch is a different colour, so you have all the fun rediscovering the places that you have been too, and literally scratching the travel itch. In another conversation he heard her mentioning that she is looking for a phulkari dupatta (traditional punjabi embroidery duptta), and he asks around, he asks us, we help him find vendors, and he reaches out to at least 10 vendors (found via facebook and instagram) and finalizes on a beautiful piece. Not only just finding the vendor, but asking the right questions as well, after consulting I believe his mom, and us girls too in office. Apart from the other knick knacks of gifts, he got her a pair of swaroswki earrings. And mind you, they were not just selected on a whim. While helping him go through the on-line catalogue, he was so sure about the earrings that she wears, because, he notices. Yesterday, when everything came together, my other colleague SR asked him "So, boss, how much was the dent?" and he replied by saying that "This not a dent, but an investment! After all, she also thinks through, and ensures that whatever she does for my birthday is with as much thought and effort.."
Now how sweet is that!
Of course, there is a dinner planned and what not, for the birthday.. but I think, it is just such a pleasant change to find a guy, who actually thinks through the gifts (most importantly, thinks that he has to gift).
Like I had said above, that this may not sound so thoughtful to a lot of you. But I always think that the art of gifting is an art too. It takes, so much of an effort to find the right thing for the person that you are buying a gift for. Sometimes its easy, sometimes, it is a task. For my BFF, whose godbharai happened about 10 days back, I drew a blank on what is it that I can gift her, especially since she has said no baby gifts till the baby comes. So, I had read somewhere that to be mums should be gifted "ladoo gopals", as a sign of happy healthy babies, and boom, I got that for her. It may not have been expensive, but it was thoughtful (her mom in law said that, so I know).

It need not be expensive. But it should be thought through. Like for Husband's 30th, I went to great lengths. Though him being him, he did not tell me, whether he liked it or not or whether I got it right. But, I would like to believe that I did do a good job. I started 3 months in advance. I literally learnt how to use a new program. Did so much DIY, that I was super happy and satisfied.

You know, when you do put in the effort, things just work out. One has to be more observant, ask the right questions and look for guidance, where one can find.
 As a matter of fact, even between my parents, I see that there is no gifting thing, but then when it is their anniversary or one of their birthday, they do reach out to us. My dad will always ask.. so what is it that we should by for your mom, or mom will always observe that Dad may need something (like a phone or a camera, or even a night suit) but nevertheless they observe.

I always used to think that movies and romance novels have raised the bar. But then there are the kinds who really look around and find the thing that is right.

This maybe a materialistic perspective to being thoughtful, but of late, I am in a place that I can't see my half full glass, so maybe this post helps in colouring that water, so that I can see damn glass which is half full.

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