To Friends!!

Last one year has been a journey. A journey of love and betrayals.. but nevertheless, a journey that has made me happy and content for a long long time to come.
Mainly because, even though there was sadness, there were disappointments.. there were frustrations, there were always you all.

I have never really felt more comfortable to open my feelings onto the world of www!!! Not because there is a big bad world out there, but also because I knew that out there, there is comfort waiting for me in form of advise, empathy and if nothing else, just a small hug.. making its presence felt.
I have met so many of you in real life, and trust me, it is a DELIGHT beyond what these seven alphabets can portray to know you - to call you up at the whim of second and to see you make time for me in the busiest of days and in the cruellest of schedules.
I am honoured,
to have read and shared the world of thoughts that has connected us from far beyond the borders of the states and of the country. It is like sharing slice of our lives with each other, every day.. Just because we want to.

This little post is my Thank you of all those little gestures that my dear fellow bloggers and my readers who do not leave their comments but think of me *or so I hope*that you have done to make me feel a special part of your lives...!!!
I am not taking any names, because- each one of you is a Gem of a person who has influenced my life in loads of ways beyond what words can say...!!!

Happy Friendship's Day...!!! :)

Complicated questions on Love!

Love is the strangest of all emotions. And one gyaani that I know will always tell me that there is nothing in this world that can replace love except hate. I somehow, don't want to agree with it. I just don't understand, that how can you hate the very person that you love.
The very person who becomes your 'Jaan', your sweetheart, how can you just stop loving that person and then, start hating that person for all the same things that you were in love with about that person.
Aren't it those little little queer things that would set apart your relationship from that of the other couple that you see across the room?
And then all of a sudden you start feeling that those little things are nothing but a dampner to the entire relationship. Those things, that nature of your lover are always known to you.. then why are you with that person in the first place if you don't like those things. Is it really the hormones that make you love a person and then when the level comes down you are simply out of it?
What happens to forever & always?

Are all the love stories, the same- Ending in a note of deep sorrow?
If you can end, and move one, then that is not love. That is some sort of stupid infatuation, something like a drug high that wears off... where as- Even after ending it all, you end up thinking about that person, and you just feel like someone has put heavy lead on your heart, that there is always the urge and that person is the first one you want to talk to in the morning, and the last one each night.. you cannot really go out of love with that person?
Or can you?

I dunno, why the fuck am I writing this nonsense, Yes, I have lost my mind.

I am Sorry!!

Here is a quick update:
Life is MAD!! Work is Madder.
I have been reading the posts, but not commenting, because, I am accessing the net through my phone. And it is a lil tiresome to read and post comments *tiresome on my eyes*
So, I have loads to write, and I will be commenting also on posts soon.

Don't get angry with me.
Love you all!!!

Just Another poem on Love!

What was it that you saw?
in her, in him..
the one you say has it all..

It is love not another
infatuation you say,
and yet, you start,
having your doubts..

Love is?
you question,
the answer unfortunately,
just remains hidden.

The feeling of,
knowing that you are,
being looked after,
even when there are seven seas,
to cross and to see.

The feeling of,
trust, that binds,
the chords tighter,
of an unseen bond,
that makes you feel lighter.

The feeling of,
being the first call,
of the day, or the hug,
at the end of a horrible,
long long day...

The feeling of,
sleeping each night,
to wake and see, that,
someone special,
smile...

Love is,
loads of questions,
no answers,
matters of the heart,
away from the world.

Hey, will you talk to me?

Yeah, I am going to earn thanks to my talking. And yet, I am short of people to talk to. All of a sudden, there is a lack of phone numbers to call on and just talk.

Talk about everything, and talk about nothing.

You know basically talk about nothing. Just general gossip. Something to take my mind off the constant thinking that is just refusing to stop. Even the concious efforts of not thinking have failed. 

So there is this constant compulsion to talk, to spend time, and to just make merry. But, alas, it doesn't seem to happening. I am looking at my phone constantly... scrolling through it just trying to find one number that I can call on and talk.. and then feel peaceful within.

but, talking and making merry, makes me feel guilty.

I dunno why, instead of feeling happy, I just feel more sad and more depressed, and then I want to cry. Like yesterday, it was supposed to be like THE happiest day of my life, you know, I graduated, the final fruit of the long five years.. My dad had gotten me cake, and we had also gone out for a nice chinese dinner. And there I realised that I should maybe be nominated for oscars, for acting so well. There was no joy in the celebrations that I was doing. Nothing. Nil. Nada.

Oh, yeah, as if this is not enough, I have my younger sister throwing about attitude on me, as if she is the ONLY person in this whole world who is giving her 12th class boards. 

This is totally irritating, and absolute irrational behaviour on my end. Keep me distracted, and I am still ok. Leave me alone, contemplating, and I am ready to burst into tears in an instant. It is like I am denied my drug. 

Of course- I am blabbering.

Mental instability you see.

So sorry, please bear with me.

PS: I have not slept in 3 nights. So please ignore my rants.

I am a Law Grad...!!!

The day I joined law school, I was so totally messed up, and there was only one thing that kept on going on in my mind, that how the hell am I going to survive five long years in college, a college, where well, it was more like school.
But, I managed well.
When the first semester results came out, I was the happiest person on earth, I had never topped in anything and all of a sudden, I became the topper of my batch. And, then, with each result that came, there was a sigh of relief and then the tension of the next set of exams.
For 9 semesters, there was always a next time. And, today, when my result came out, the FINAL result came out, the realization that there will be no next time hit me in full force.
Yes, I am finally a Law Graduate, first class, i.e. I passed in the first division, and I am very proud of myself, this was amongst the top scores that I have gotten in all 10 semesters and I am very happy that I have ended my graduation on a great, happy note of satisfaction.

Tomorrow, I will not say, oh, I just gave my exams and the results are due, I will not say that, Oh, my God, there is still some more time to go.
I am finally a graduate, and the relief is not only mine but also of my parents.. it were long five years for them as well.

Now, its time, to start shaping the future that was waiting to happen.
You have blessed me for so long, my dear reader, please keep on giving me your good wishes and support, as I start another journey into the world- of unknown.

I Miss you!

I miss you,
the mundane, everyday, life.
I miss getting up late,
and doing nothing,
just trying to figure out,
my fate.

There was always,
a plan of action,
a to do list,
which went into the waste,
as soon as the clock hit 8.

There was always the sleep,
that was more important,
the night, was mostly spent,
talking, loving and romancing.

There were the novels,
that took me over like rage,
their story, intervening,
with my own in a strange way...

My prince charming,
came to me thanks to a book,
yeah it was a mystery,
the book and the feeling,
of being in love...too

I miss, not taking,
the decisions that altered lives,
it was just difficult choose,
new places to hang out twice.

I miss changing,
the plans at the last minute,
taking an auto instead of a bus,
in a direction totally opposite,
college was an excuse,
your house, the destination,
I chose.

I miss getting out of office,
and calling you to confirm,
that I am on way, so move your bum...
to get stuck in the rain,
hitting the panic button..
then to walk all the way,
to my home.

I miss cleaning the room,
and then find it dirty again,
in a time as short as 'vroom',

I miss getting ready,
only for your eyes,
to see that nod.. and to
see that spark in your eyes...

I miss you,
and your arms, around me,
to hold me, comfort me, and
love me...
I miss you-
Truly, Madly, Deeply.