Friday, July 16, 2010

Hey, will you talk to me?

Yeah, I am going to earn thanks to my talking. And yet, I am short of people to talk to. All of a sudden, there is a lack of phone numbers to call on and just talk.
Talk about everything, and talk about nothing.

You know basically talk about nothing. Just general gossip. Something to take my mind off the constant thinking that is just refusing to stop. Even the concious efforts of not thinking have failed. 

So there is this constant compulsion to talk, to spend time, and to just make merry. But, alas, it doesn't seem to happening. I am looking at my phone constantly... scrolling through it just trying to find one number that I can call on and talk.. and then feel peaceful within.
but, talking and making merry, makes me feel guilty.
I dunno why, instead of feeling happy, I just feel more sad and more depressed, and then I want to cry. Like yesterday, it was supposed to be like THE happiest day of my life, you know, I graduated, the final fruit of the long five years.. My dad had gotten me cake, and we had also gone out for a nice chinese dinner. And there I realised that I should maybe be nominated for oscars, for acting so well. There was no joy in the celebrations that I was doing. Nothing. Nil. Nada.

Oh, yeah, as if this is not enough, I have my younger sister throwing about attitude on me, as if she is the ONLY person in this whole world who is giving her 12th class boards. 

This is totally irritating, and absolute irrational behaviour on my end. Keep me distracted, and I am still ok. Leave me alone, contemplating, and I am ready to burst into tears in an instant. It is like I am denied my drug. 

Of course- I am blabbering.
Mental instability you see.
So sorry, please bear with me.

PS: I have not slept in 3 nights. So please ignore my rants.


Wicked Witch of the West said...

Ah, the rants of lack of sleep I totally understand...lack of sleep alone is enough to turn even those at a relatively stable point in their lives (let alone those with graduations, new jobs and all) into emotional ping pong balls...where anything can send you flying.

So, number one...sleep! I am not a good sleeper at all, but can see enormous differences between well rested Cathy and tired Cathy. Same situations, totally different response. So, find anything reasonable that will help you to get some sleep - warm drink at bedtime, bedtime tea, sticking to a bedtime, staying away from the screen for at least an hour, reading while in bed etc. That alone will help a lot, and will make everything else so much easier to deal with. Trust me on this (for I am old...and I can get backup on the importance of sleep, you know :D)

When awake...yes, distraction is better than contemplating. Thinking can be good when in a peaceful frame of mind, but sends into a spiral of negative thoughts generally when not. So, leave the thinking until you are well rested and lawyer-logical once again, knowing that what is thought today is a product of emotions and lack of sleep more than fact. Distractions...the books again, DVDs, scrapbooking project etc. And, perhaps even better, outings with friends - consider who on your phone list or even email list may not be currently close, but who may also be looking to get is amazing how happy people are to hear from you.

Take care of is definitely the time for that...with sleep, pleasant activities etc.

Oh, and yes, you say to ignore it, but as a sleep-deprived ranter myself, I refuse to obey :P

pRasad said...

Why would talking make you feel cry?

Choose the right kind of people to talk.. Don't talk to older relatives's boring :)

Suruchi said...

Awww...I wasn’t around now, were I?
I am sooooooo sorry...
Please talk to me...please find my number there on that list n call me!
I may not ALWAYS be there...but I’ll try to be at least sometimes:-(
And bigggggg hugs...all will be well...gut feeling:-)