Mirror Mirror on the wall

Mirror, Mirror on the wall,
who is the fairest of them all,
not you my dear, 

Not you at all! 

You are short in height,

But worst of all you are, 

Short in sight! 

You call yourself kind, 

Look at the words you speak, 

Nothing short of thoughtless, 

And unkind! 

You say your heart is made

Of gold, 

But oh my, that gold is nothing, 

But only unreal! 

You say you love with, 

All your might? 

Maybe because love has, 

Finally made you blind! 

Listen my dear, 

Says the mirror, 

You are nothing but a blot, 

A fault, a tangle, and quite frankly, 

My dear, 

A very hard one to detangle! 

Rules are simple as that-

Don't gloat, or gloss, 

A heart with love and kindness, 

Has no dark. 

No strings attached, 

And giving being the default option! 

You are hopeless my dear, 

I hope you know that. 

But still come back to me, 

If you have changed! 

Look at me, 

And into your soul, 

Then ask the question, 

About the fairest in the world! 

Your 30th.

Since we were kids, your Birthday was always celeberated with a bit more fanfare. I always had mine at home, while yours were in Nirulas, at the Country Club. Or anywhere else that you had wanted them to be.
You are one of my biggest "What if" in life. There are times, many a times that I can't stop thinking about what life would have been with you around.
Tonight, we would have probably have a big birthday bash with you? Or would you have wanted a quiet evening?
Would there have been a special someone, and would there have been a surprise from him? Would that have been a combined effort?
Who would you have been?
The world has changed so much from since we had wanted to run away and make a world of our own. There are so many opportunities, and things are different. I can only imagine what you would have done with all the opportunities that are available in the world.

I can only imagine a life with you in it, because reality of that sucks, and punches me straight into my stomach. I wish wherever you are, you know, that you are missed. I may not say it, express it, but the one person who is the closest to me knows, how much I do.

Happy Birthday.
You are missed.

A fools love

It is often white, 

To hide your black life,

Often the easier way out, 

But a lie, my friend is just that, 

A lie. 

Sometimes it's blatant, 

The other times it is to hide, 

The truth in plain sight. 

Some say it because, 

Sheer habit trumps best of intents, 

Other claim they want you, 

To hurt less. 

Sometimes it is the, 

Demand of the situation, 

Sometimes it is just an, 

Exaggeration, 

Sometimes it is a fable, 

Other time a tall tale to tell all, 

But not the truth or the fact. 

Sometimes it is stretching, 

Too far, 

The other time it is twisting, 

The truth too out of proportion,

But still never the plain old truth. 

For someone like me, 

An easy and an emotional fool, 

Often the truth is moulded, 

Plain facts withheld or forgotten

To be told. 

A fool however remains a fool, 

Often overlooking the real truth,

Playing the trust game, 

Losing it badly. 

Misused trust, and misused sense 

Of loyalty. 

Questioning the fools worth

In liars life. 

Because truth, 

the fool was always told, 

Was a gift of trust, between,

People who love each other. 

But the lines have blurred, and 

The fool knows know more, 

If even though the fool is loved dearly, 

Then why the lies crop up? 

Is the fool loved at all? 

Or is that love- all but true? 

A fable? A tall tale or simply, 

A twisted truth. 

And fool sadly wonders, 

Does too much love and care too, 

Make people spin the stories? 

And pretend that the fool will always 

Be the fool, fooled by the people, who mean the world to the fool? 

Maybe the love is flawed, 

And it's only the web of stories, 

That keep it together? 

Or is the fool so unworthy of love and truth? 

To resolve or not to resolve, that is the question

I remember, when we were in School, the first set of discussions between friends was about the New Year Resolutions.
I just remember that. I don't remember the kind of resolutions that a school going kid/teenager would make. I mean, losing weight? Or I believe to study more and come first or something on those lines.

For the last couple of years (more like the adult life), the resolutions revolve around the weight and yeah the weight. In a workshop that I had attended about 2 odd years back, while the guy giving us the lecture was talking about goals, he said that our goals should be tangible, and hence imperative that we talk about it, or tell people what our goals are so that they can nag us to oblivion about them. So while New Year is usually a landmark day, when people decide that it is time for a new chapter and set out the resolution, I believe, that, the resolutions should instead be goals, and the resolve should be to achieve them.

Whether your resolve is out in the public, or is private to you, should be your own thing, really. I would not want to achieve a goal, any goal for that matter because of "what will the other person say", but should be my own. I should be my own judge, whether I fail or succeed. But, if your goals are achieved by being in the eye of the public, then, go that way my friend and if you want me to be the nagger, I will be more than happy (my husband, happier still).

But so far as I am concerned, my first goal is to make a set of goals, and then some how, any how, make myself stick to them. I think, my first goal should be to get rid of the Instant Gratification Monkey. And then I believe, that I shall be able to somehow reach a stage where I would be able to make resolutions and stick to them.

Though I do know that, I really do want to be a better person in 2017. Work on several things in myself to be that better person.

So here is to 2017, to new goals and a question of resolutions!

Lets Break the Patterns: Happy New Year 2017

And in a blink of an eye, 2016 is over.

It was like a terrible roller coaster, and it seems to have just intensified.

We welcomed 2017 in our "new house". Yup, another year, and another house. This time in south delhi, close to my office and in the area that I have grown up in. The weird thing though was that, I actually cried when I left my house in Gurgaon. It was/is a beautiful house. Spacious, and while it is close to the highway, it is just at the right distance from the noise, pollution and traffic. And somehow, the house gave me a sense of being close, yet far.

We are testing waters in the new house. The good thing though is- that the trend of family and friends visiting us in our house continues. We had friends over on the day/night we shifted, and have had people visiting us in the last week. Hell, even brother from Dubai dropped in last evening.
This is a trend that I hope continues.

While this is the trend that I hope continues, there are others that I hope to break this year. I have been trying really hard to break some of my habits, but I guess trying hard is not as good as accomplishing the goal is. It is trully amazing the amount of grit that I am trying to build in order to break the patterns and start anew.
There is one little thing though- While I am trying to control my anger and my impatience, I see huband sort of getting into the whole anger, impatience, irate zone at a drop of a hat. It may be me. But, then, I think that it is time that we both break our patterns.

I see 2017 as a year which will define our lives in lot of ways, and may also give us an insight to living in Delhi (proper). While I still feel the hang-over from 2016, and 2017 still seems on its way, all I can hope for is the best for all of us.

Here is wishing you all a superb New Year!

May 2017 bring all that you desire!

The World in 2016: Year End Saga (III)

The Government's deadline for the 50 days is coming to a close and while there are lines everywhere (yet again), the light at the end of the long tunnel is neither visible nor seems any bit closer. Today, while India coped with the ordinance that makes keeping of the old notes a criminal offence, the world in general is coping with the loss of two great artists- George Micheal and Carrie Fischer. 

2016 has been in general a year that has defied all logic, in all possible spheres of life, and not just here in India but all over the world. 

It has been a bad year. From Mohammad Ali to Fidel Castro to David Bowie to Carrie Fischer, some of the deaths had been in the offing, while others were just plain shocks. The New York Times says 

"The year 2016 saw the deaths of an unusually long list of political titans and sports icons, famous musicians and Hollywood greats"

On the other hand, as the whole world looked at America, the Americans (who call themselves progressive) proved otherwise and elected a business man, without any experience whatsoever, as their president. The world is still reeling under shock, and all they are hoping for is that the choice of Americans is right. The worst thing though in this election was the amount of interest and opinions that Indians had, on two presidential candidates, in a electoral system that they have no idea about.

Talking about opinions, 2016 has been a year of "trolls" and a lot of opinions. With each decision of the government creating ripples across the country, and affecting everybody without sparing the rod, the year saw too much of news, about the same issue, with no real concrete basis in the allegations. From the GPS tracker in the 2000 rupee note to why the PM is the best, and no one has any right to say anything against him, there were half baked, full baked and what not kind of opinions floating around all over social media.

Women of the world were aggressive about being heard, and while we had the bhoomata brigade fighting for gender equality in religious institutions, we also had the likes of Deepika and Priyanka taking over the international film/TV industry.

Another thing that had me cringing throughout the year was amount of cruelty that was being advertised on my timeline. The number of dog abuse and abandonment posts and news reports broke my heart several times and it made me wonder if we have shed whatever little was left of the humanity that we had?

As I write this, the news reports say that the PM will address the nation on 31st December, 2016, and I can only hope that he says things that benefit us, and not inconvenience us, again. His speeches have become like dictatorial orders creating panic.

All I hope is that when the new dawn in 2017 arrives, the world is filled with hope and happiness. I for one can't wait for 2016 to get over.

The Road to Self Discovery and Self Destruction: The Year End Saga (II)

I have been nothing sort of angry this year.

Ask the husband and he shall be happy to provide the proof.

The worst part of the whole me being angry thing is that I have no clue as to why am I angry. Okay, so not really. I know that there are various reasons why I am angry, upset and/or orritated almost all the time. But, what I don't know is, why am I heeding to the negativity of these things, and why can't I look beyond the obvious. Why can't I be a better person?

And guess what, that question right there, flares me up. It just fucks with my mind, because, ain't I a better person? No one is perfect, and neither am I.
But- am I not a better person already? I forgive, even when people walk all over me. I try to make everyone happy. I try to do everyone's bidding, and in all that, what I expect is truth, sincerity and love from those very people, I become the "not so better person" and then, this loop of "maybe I should be a better person" starts! And I get angry.

Then there is this whole baby issue, which is very intricately connected with a few other things that I can't really talk about here, but that also hits a raw nerve now and then, and then I am angry. Because, try as hard as I can, to curb the nonsensical thoughts that keep me on my toes, I just can't. I get anxious, because I don't get any answers, and then all I can think about is, how, our life is off track (till I read, some or the motivating memes/stories on facebook). The whole circle that it takes quite overwhelming and emotionally quite draining, and that makes me angry. And because this whole thing runs in my head, and spirals out of control, when I talk about it, I get angry because there is NO ONE who wants to understand me or guide me, or for that matter even sit and talk to me. So me struggling alone with the burden of this whole thing seems unfair. And thus I am angry.

I am angry generally at the world and at life, because things are just not falling in place. The amount of hiccups that have happened over the course of this year are enormous, and I can't seem to wrap my head around them. I have been so stressed this whole year, about something or the other, and that shows. In my general attitude, in the amount of effort that takes to infuse the happiness in me and the smile that stopped reaching the eyes long ago.

I know that I have issues. And that is something that I have agreed to, and have accepted. I also know that I need to work on all those things. But, I just keep wondering over and over again- Why am I so wrong? Do, only I have to really improve upon things?

As a gamut of emotions wash over me everytime I question myself, I feel more lost than ever.

And this year, I have been leading myself into a discovery to destruction pattern, over and over again, and I see no end in sight. Do I want to be less angry- Yes. Do I want be happier- Yes. However- Do I have to undertake this journey all by myself? Oh well, I don't know that!