Thursday, May 6, 2010

Hide the hurt..

The most common psyche of the human brain is to hide the hurt, in order to not to hurt, either your own self, or the other person involved in that particular interaction.
Or maybe it is the Hindi Serial effect, where the protagonist is always hiding the truth in order to save the rest from all the hurt in the world.

Off late, I think, I have been that protagonist too. By simply not telling.

I dunno how really to express it and I can't really come out with it in the open. Somethings are best kept close to your heart.
My life has been in a huge mess for the last couple of months. There have been so many arguments, with all the loved ones, I have done things to hurt people, I have really been a cause of misery to loads of people. And, in all of that, I tried doing something really heroic, I hid most of this from my best friend.
Yeah, I hid it. I did not tell her, because, I assume. All the time.
And, well, she is very opinionated on loads of things. And very strong headed, and at a level I am scared. But then, ohkay, yeah, so, I hid from her, stuff, important to me and my life, because I feared her judging me. And, now that I have told her everything, (yes, I smsed her last night) and she is not taking it kindly. She is very angry at me *she is bound to be *

Now here is the thing, I know that I did fuck up. I was the chicken and the rooster and all the cowardice in this world. I run away from things, this is a HUGE characteristic of mine. And, I assume. A lot.

I am trying to change myself, and this (telling P, my BFF about the fuck ups) was the very first step in the positive direction. The only thing that I fear right now is, that, since I cannot really justify my actions, I don't know what to really expect. And, I fear, that I may have lost my best friend too in all of this. Please pray that she well, scolds me and kicks my ass, and then hugs me. I really love her.

And the second positive step in the change factor is that, I have to tell you all, that, Shayon and I are trying to build up our relationship again. And, I want you all to pray for both of us.

Oh, lastly, my exams start on the 20th... so the blogging intensity will increase.. for all the obvious reasons.

Love you all...

4 comments:

Shayon said...

There is one thing about what you wrote that I am inclined to disagree with. Nah, hiding the facts from your best friend is not heroic at all. Rather, I feel that, doesn't matter what you do, if you have the balls to own up to it, THAT'S what is heroic. This act of yours is called running away.

Yes, I am happy that you are trying to bring in the change. Yes, I am happy that you wish the past hadn't happened. But once people got hurt, once you made a mistake, you need to take active steps to rectify it, rather than sitting quiet and hoping for time to heal everything. Remember the saying, "God helps those who help themselves"?

So yes, I know I am being harsh. But rather than calling yourself heroic, you got to call yourself a coward, and then go on to rectify that fact. Otherwise, you shall always believe, at the back of your mind, that all the 'rectification methods' you opted were simply ordered to you, and not something that was needed!

suruchi said...

Hi Sakshi...
As I was reading you...I had a flood of thoughts to say to you....
But when I read that line of you and Shayon trying to build your relationship again...wow...I think I have got stuck at that...yippieee...you two together...that’s so cool...:-)

I had loved the picture of u both together in one of Shayon’s blog posts, but didn’t comment on it thinking what if it wasn’t u n I ended up offending people! So for that..lemme first say...reallyyyyyyy happy for u guys n I hope things work out*I soooooooooo love happy lovey-dovey couples*

Regarding the need to say it all to someone:
Hmm...I have never shared things with my supposed ‘very good’ friends around me ever*never had a BEST friend*...
My worst of secrets are ONLY with me...
These are things that others may not understand and so no point in expecting them to only by merit of them being ‘best’ friends...
No one is above judgment of others!

Having said that, of late I have also realized it is important to share your feelings...if not all...a great share of it and after judging who among the line of people standing beside you, would be capable of handling that and not breaking your trust by divulging your secrets or discrediting you for them!

So eventually, you are the best judge!
Divulge but with caution!
All the best for your exams n everything else:-)
Hugssssssssssss:-)

Jack said...

Sakshi,

Read the beautiful poem and this post now. Relationships are like web and it looks so good & nice till one wrong step entangles one into something which hurts. Now on this one, a true friend does not leave just because one behaves in unexplained manner but tries to understand and rectify the error, I hope and pray that all is well in time with you both and lastly BEST OF LUCK for your examinations.

Take care

PS : One should share hurt with persons one trusts or feels may be able to understand and give direction.

Shalini said...

A HUGE sigh of relief!! So happy for you and Shayon!!
And sometimes, it happens...you tend to have misconceptions or whatever about how the other person might take it...but she's your BFF...she'll be angry for some time but she'l bounce back. Thats what friends do. :)
Hope ALL IZZ WELL!! :)