The most common psyche of the human brain is to hide the hurt, in order to not to hurt, either your own self, or the other person involved in that particular interaction.
Or maybe it is the Hindi Serial effect, where the protagonist is always hiding the truth in order to save the rest from all the hurt in the world.
Off late, I think, I have been that protagonist too. By simply not telling.
I dunno how really to express it and I can't really come out with it in the open. Somethings are best kept close to your heart.
My life has been in a huge mess for the last couple of months. There have been so many arguments, with all the loved ones, I have done things to hurt people, I have really been a cause of misery to loads of people. And, in all of that, I tried doing something really heroic, I hid most of this from my best friend.
Yeah, I hid it. I did not tell her, because, I assume. All the time.
And, well, she is very opinionated on loads of things. And very strong headed, and at a level I am scared. But then, ohkay, yeah, so, I hid from her, stuff, important to me and my life, because I feared her judging me. And, now that I have told her everything, (yes, I smsed her last night) and she is not taking it kindly. She is very angry at me *she is bound to be *
Now here is the thing, I know that I did fuck up. I was the chicken and the rooster and all the cowardice in this world. I run away from things, this is a HUGE characteristic of mine. And, I assume. A lot.
I am trying to change myself, and this (telling P, my BFF about the fuck ups) was the very first step in the positive direction. The only thing that I fear right now is, that, since I cannot really justify my actions, I don't know what to really expect. And, I fear, that I may have lost my best friend too in all of this. Please pray that she well, scolds me and kicks my ass, and then hugs me. I really love her.
And the second positive step in the change factor is that, I have to tell you all, that, Shayon and I are trying to build up our relationship again. And, I want you all to pray for both of us.
Oh, lastly, my exams start on the 20th... so the blogging intensity will increase.. for all the obvious reasons.
Love you all...