I was trying to find a title for this post, but I really cant title it.
Too many thoughts running amok in my mind. It is 11.46 pm. I have to be up at 5.30 am to go pick up Husband's friend from the airport. The husband is still on a house arrest.

About 10 minutes back, I read a message from my younger sister saying that our Dadi has been keeping unwell and that I should visit Delhi.
I called up home immediately, only to find out that her asthma has been troubling her and she has not been sleeping too well. As a matter of fact, right now also she was uneasy and unwell. I of course am equally disturbed. It is on these occasions that I hate myself for moving to Mumbai.
I can totally imagine my father's unease. I can imagine sister's concern.
The thing is that, my grandmother has always doubled up as my mum, she has been there for me forever.. and I hate to see her like that.
All of a sudden the impending trip to Dubai seems to feel like an albatross around my neck. I wish that the trip was not happening and that I could just hop on a flight next week and go see her. But alas, that is not happening any time soon.
And thus, in order to make impromptu plans, husband decided to check flight tickets.
He expects me to board a flight from Delhi to Mumbai on a Monday morning at 4 AM. Apart from the fact that it is going to spoil whole of my Monday, this flight time is going to spoil whole of the night for my Dad. He will insist on dropping me to the airport, and that would mean being up at 2 am . I know that it will not go down well with him, and apart from being upset and mad at me, his health would also be at risk.
Of course, the husband thinks otherwise, he says that all I am scared of is my father's anger.

I just wish he understood the dilemma of a married daughter, the one who can't go comfort her parents and the one who can't displease her husband.   

Can we be friends?

I remember the days when becoming friends was much easier task. It was about a handshake, and a tiffin share. Or maybe that extra chocolate on your birthday.

As the teenage came close, I started to realise the concepts of the groups, and how I did not really fit in. I often asked, why can't we all be friends. I could not understand the dynamics then. I can't understand the dynamics now.
During college, I never really understood the fuss about hanging around in the canteen. I used to hang around in the library. I got the usual "group" calls, I don't really remember being a part of one. I remember though that I felt bad about my abrupt decision of talking to most of the girls in my class, unless it was necessary (of course college fest time was "lets be friends with everyone" time) . The ONLY one I remember apologising to was PW, who is still a friend. We don't call each other often, but she still calls me more than I do. Then there was one more girl, who I feel is awesome, KD. She is a mum now, so we hardly get to talk, but I know that she is there for me. Then there are the boys, from college there are two, who I know are grateful to me because they passed thanks to me making then study. But, we are not in touch. Neither am I in touch with too many others.
And somewhere in middle of college, school and BFF, I found friends here on the blogosphere. I found those friends to be non judgemental, open minded, free spirited. A few are friends even in the real world. Why, Uncle Jack, came to my wedding, and he even has a blog post about it. (Note to self: Meet him next trip) and then there were friends who I hoped would remain friends for life, but they decided to drift off, never making time for me, despite me reaching out to them. It is then when you realise, that few are freinds, rest all just come and go, they give you memories to cherish, but then that is it, the hope of making new memories goes.

I am wary of friends. In the last post itself when I wrote about those set of friends barring may be AJ, who talks to me every day.. it seems like all it a forgotten memory.. a pleasant one at that. I always thought that when you get together to put up a show, and spend so much time together, you connect, maybe not to all, but you do connect.. it seems it is harder to be friends in a corporate world than to ignore the other person.

It was a beautiful life, when "Can we be friends", was a genuine intent to be friends for life. 

The Happy Hangover !!!

So, the month of February is over.
Whilst on one hand I have been on a happy high about the fact that the husband and I have completed 9 years of being together, on the other, Feb, was a rather difficult month.
Husband has been down with Hepatitis A, and that means he has been on a house arrest for the second half of the month.

He is much much better now, and on the road to recovery.

I on the other hand have had a very different month. Whilst the Husband was resting up, I was running around. The IOffice, had their annual event, in which our branch always does a group dance. Now, I guess everyone who has known me for a even a couple of hours knows for a fact that, dance for me is an addiction, a high that makes me forget everything. It is my meditation, my love, my instant gratification, and my solution to all the problems of my life.
So, in any case, where there is dance , there is me.
And, there I am, 2 months into the organization and enthusiastically, going ahead to participate in the biggest event of the year for the people of that organization. Not only that, I also end up bagging the lead in two songs. So there I am, dancing like Helen to Shammi Kapoor (Shammi Kapoor was being done by my Boss, JUST IMAGINE MY HORROR) in "Oh Haseena Zulfon Wali" and then being the bar dancer Kimi Katcker of "Jumma Chumma".

Add to the above mix, a choreographer (Harya) , who is not that great looking, but super fun to hang out with. Another colleague from IT (JB), who is equally cool, and one of my other team mate (AJ) , who is not the miss goody two shoes .. and we have a gang of insane people.
The two weeks , to the run up to last night, when the function happened, were probably the most memorable ones, with unexpected and impromptu dinners, and weekends of dance practice and hunting the right costumes and then going mad co-ordinating. By, whatever twist of fate I was in middle of all of this.
Harya, JB, AJ and I had lunch together last Sunday, and then Harya, JB and I went ahead to do the costume thingy.. and even though we had all clicked, the magic happened that afternoon, and all three of us bonded.

Last night, was of course was at a different altogether. It was the night when we danced, met another of Harya's friend, Gir , who decided to name me "Pathan" for some weird reason. Whilst we did not drink any alcohol, we were hight on the dance and it was, like, I was liberated from my responsibilities. From being someone else, and I was just me. I was not thinking about anything. I was not planning out for the next day. I was living in that moment. Completely soaking it up.
We stopped by at the Worli Sea Face. I just could not help myself, and I had a smoke. I sat hearing the sea, while JB, AJ and Gir decided to have cutting and coffee.. Harya was stating with me at looking at the sea. Both of us saying exactly the same thing that, how sea calmed us.

And then, it was time to say good bye. To tell them all that how I will miss all the action of the last two weeks. And, how much fun it is to finally have a set of friends, which are my own, who can dance, go wild and have fun minus the judgement.

Ioffice is gonna be a different story to tackle from Monday. It is going to be how it was in college, another loop. Another set of mentalities that are beyond me. But that is on Monday, and before Monday, there is Sunday.

Life after a long time feels like it is getting out of a certain rut. I am going to enjoy that. And not over think. And, hopefully, don't go on an over drive.

*****************************************************************************

PS: The Husband has finally gotten me a "Chromebook", that means I can blog more often, and finally get back to my blog friends and read a lot more. All fingers crossed.

For the 9 years of love .. and 99 more to come :D

So today is the day. 9 years back on this day, at this instant as I type this, I was in conflict with my own emotions and I was wondering, and over and over again that if I will ever find that love, if I would ever be lucky in love and above all, if my feelings for this boy are true or just a natural reaction to all the attention that I have been getting from him.

Today, we are married and even more confused. He tries his best most of the time to make sure that I am happy dappy, and I act like a prick always getting mad at him. He of course has his moments, when I am left speechless. Sometimes in a pleasant way and other times at his being so ridiculous and careless.

But mostly, we find that common ground that we have been holding on to for the last 9 long years, where we can feel the love and be the teenagers that we were, when we fell in love with each other. We have had and are still facing the troubles that there are in our daily lives. On certain days, I feel like I have bitten more than I can chew and on the other times I feel that, my appetite is still not full.  

Whatever the troubles for me, for us in the world, at least for me, the moment, I am in his arms, the solutions seem at an arms length. The impossible may not be totally possible, but then I at least try.

In the last nine years, if nothing else, I know that I have learnt to speak out. I have learnt to take chances (even if they are very few) and I have started taking responsibility for my actions.

Last 9 years, have been a like a non stop roller coaster ride, where He and I have seen so much, where he and I have lived through so much, but we still feel that there is more to live , love and be together. More fights. More kisses and more challenges.

Today, as I type this from my office, I can’t stop thinking about you. I would give anything to be with you right now, but I am sure that you will make it up for me J

I Love you!!

 

Lets' reminensce the Past..

I just got to see the video that Facebook has been making for all its members, capturing the moments on the social media  site.

It said that I joined Facebook back in June 2007, and thereafter it proceeds to pick up snapshots of the last 7 years that I have shared with the world. The joys, the lows, the festivals and my life in general.

As that video progressed, and now that I am writing this post.. it just all hits me. How I usually say that such and such thing was say in 2011, without realizing that 2011 was like 3 years back. Or for that matter, being in school, it is going to be 10 years since the high school has finished. But there are moments that are etched in memories.

It is going to be 9 years. NINE YEARS, since the husband and I have been together (first dating and then being married).. seems like a life time has just gone by and then there are those moments that you want to relive, over and over again.

I can’t help but remember the times when computers were nothing but luxury and the best part of the day used to be going out and playing with the friends. Today, we are enslaved to technology , we have to join the gyms in order to stay fit.

There are many many more milestones that are yet to be achieved, but while we look in the future, revel in the present, let us not forget the past, which has made us into what we are.    

 

The January Round up.. Politics Galore..

Today is the death anniversary of the “Father of the Nation”, a post that does not exist in our Constitution. A person who apparently laid down his life for our country. The one single person who fought with his “Principles” and not with the weapons and ultimately rid our country free from the British, but not from the pseudo briteshers who were left behind by our Country.

Let us face it people, the Gandhi who has been glorified in the history books was nothing more than a politician, who took full advantage of the situations in our Country and in South Africa. He is the reason for our problems.

He fought for the rights of the “Harijans”, but never did he encourage the Harijans to move ahead in life instead he made sure that there is reservation in the Constitution for them, thus creating   cementing the caste lines in our Country and lay down the foundation for the caste based politics to be born. So, whoever fights for Dalits has become a “Gandhi” and “pro-people”, and any one who doesn’t belong to the reserved category doesn’t even have the right to have a politician fight for them forget the assertion thereof.

No one in this Country has ever appreciated true talent (if you count the rigged reality shows, well then that is some) or merit. The government school suck. The private ones are becoming more expensive by the day.  There is no way that a child is getting educated. Literate for the heck of it yes. Educated. NO. A BIG NO.

We have the Kejriwals of today, who have become the Gandhi of today, by fighting the corruption and fighting for the “Aam Aadmi”. It seems, that they see “Nayak” every day at least 2 times, in order to motivate themselves that if Anil Kapoor could clear out corruption in 24 hours, they still have a lot more time. Except, that this is not a movie and that there is Zameen aasmaan ka difference between a 3 hour movie and the real life in which you have to run the state.

With his brand of “Nayak” politics, he is throwing Delhi back into an era when there was no water or electricity in the state. Roads sucked, and in the name of public transport there were the rickety blue line buses.

He promises subsidies, without realizing that the subsidies in one sector would be only be possible if he cuts down his expenditure in various other departments, like infrastructure. THE ONLY THING THAT MAKES DELHI A WORLD CLASS CITY.  But no, he will be his hysterical self, and ruin my Delhi. Promising in a manifesto is one thing, implementation without a practical approach is a suicide mission. In this case, the Delhi-ites who voted for him made sure that they are murdering the city.

I can only hope that the government falls and falls soon.

Which brings me to the national stage where Rahul- Baba, just made a fool of himself by saying “Empowering Women” would make all our problems go away. In that case, I think we might as well lock up all the idiots like him and maybe then roam and breathe a little free.

The coming few months will be a major circus happening when a shift in power will happen. This Kejriwal and his party will steal a share of a pie, and then coalition with them will be like a bitter pill, the kinds you cant swallow or throw out . Anarchy is sure going to rule the roost in the next couple of years in India.

I of course, wanna just leave it behind and go somewhere and start anew. A place where husband and I can get some space for ourselves and get a chance to build our lives on our set of beliefs, but then, what is writ is writ, and miracles and opportunities to cease are few and far. I don’t know where life shall when the year comes to an end, right now, of course, we are playing by the ear, and hoping for the best.

Sugar has grown up and each day she is becoming naughtier. I fall in love with her every day and get mad at her every day. I think it is the BEST thing in the world, to go back home to a doggie that jumps on you, loves you, bites you and is happy to see you back at home.

Office is great. Of course, Ms. PC was the BESTEST boss ever, and no one can match up to her but the current situation is better than the last one. All fingers crossed.

One month gone. The year has already started slipping. And it is time to cease the day. Life will keep on happening side by side.

Dear 2014

Dear 2014,

Hi. Welcome.

When 2013 came to fore, I was mostly bitter and I thought that my life was doomed. But as the year progressed, I realized that it was not that bad.

That there is still hope and finally, I was pleasantly surprised when the year ended on a high. A few tears were shed.. but then I guess, my new year is never complete without a tear or two.

And now you are here.

I don’t want to be apprehensive about you. Actually, with you I want to take the approach of “Crossing the bridge when I reach it”. There is going to be major upheaval in our lives as we move forward. And honestly speaking, I would rather close my eyes and open them on 01^st January 2015.

But like they say, one has to see all, and I guess this is the year when  I will really get to know, whether I would be a bitter person or a better person.

All hope and pray from you is that please please instill a sense of stability in our lives. Help us, mostly me for being happy about the things that come my way. Of course, ideally I would like things to work out the way that I have thought of. But wishes are not apples.

And finally, make us win a jackpot!

Here is to hope & dreams.

Because, that is what this year is going to be all about..!!

Happy New Year…!!!

 

Lots of love,

Me