The Dancer and the Mirror

I had started learning Bharatnatyam at the age of 7. And, if I have to be honest about it, I hated it there. I was tired after school, and was siphoned off from the bus stop to a dance class in the interiors of qutub area, and I understood nothing.
The dance school had a huge hall with s stage and there were senior dance teachers who would be teaching various groups in various corners. If my memory served right, you started with one teacher where you would do warm ups (being the basics), and then go to the next teacher who would take your class - meaning who would ask you to do the items that you have learnt. And then finally, you would go to the teacher who would be teaching you your new set of steps in the item that you would be in the process of learning.
There was also a mandatory singing class, and a lot of complaints from my guru to my mother that, she is wasting her money on me by making me learn dance and that I can never learn. Maybe I was/ am beat deaf.
I remember taking a sabbatical from bharatnatiyam in Class 9, citing pressure to study and the class 10th boards. And I remember studying very hard and praying that I get good marks so that I can ask my mom to never send me back to dance class. It was in the months after my class 10 boards and before the results that I joined the summer workshop at The DanceWorks Studio by Asley Lobo. I was lost there too. But, somehow felt a little familiarity. After the summer workshop was over, and I started school again, I forgot about dancing. And it was in college that I joined the regular classes at the DanceWorks.
It was there, that I after months of training, finally looked at myself in the mirror, and not to set my hair, but to check my posture, and smile while enduring the pains of the pirouette or the extensions. It was there, where I met dance teachers, who always encouraged, and who were always positive. It was there where I learnt that to look in the mirror is an act of courage and confidence. We all look in the mirror do our make up and hair and see how we are dressed, but we never really look. The moment we would really look, into our own eyes, and our own soul, is when we realise the real pain inside our heart and the fact that we are always overlooking at things, all the time.
Those 4-5 years, I was at the peak of my confidence. I was a much happier person, and I looked superb. It was a time where I felt a part of something.

Right now, today, as I write this, I realise that I have not looked in my own eyes for a really really long time, and that I am at a point in my life where, I want answers, and I don't want to second guess any of my decisions. I want to be a much happier person, and I want to really make the most out of the life that I have. I don't want to think about how much would I have to cry in the night, because I laughed a lot during the day.  I want to be that dancer again, with her mirror, who was ready to conquer the world, come what may. 

The Happy Hangover !!!

So, the month of February is over.
Whilst on one hand I have been on a happy high about the fact that the husband and I have completed 9 years of being together, on the other, Feb, was a rather difficult month.
Husband has been down with Hepatitis A, and that means he has been on a house arrest for the second half of the month.

He is much much better now, and on the road to recovery.

I on the other hand have had a very different month. Whilst the Husband was resting up, I was running around. The IOffice, had their annual event, in which our branch always does a group dance. Now, I guess everyone who has known me for a even a couple of hours knows for a fact that, dance for me is an addiction, a high that makes me forget everything. It is my meditation, my love, my instant gratification, and my solution to all the problems of my life.
So, in any case, where there is dance , there is me.
And, there I am, 2 months into the organization and enthusiastically, going ahead to participate in the biggest event of the year for the people of that organization. Not only that, I also end up bagging the lead in two songs. So there I am, dancing like Helen to Shammi Kapoor (Shammi Kapoor was being done by my Boss, JUST IMAGINE MY HORROR) in "Oh Haseena Zulfon Wali" and then being the bar dancer Kimi Katcker of "Jumma Chumma".

Add to the above mix, a choreographer (Harya) , who is not that great looking, but super fun to hang out with. Another colleague from IT (JB), who is equally cool, and one of my other team mate (AJ) , who is not the miss goody two shoes .. and we have a gang of insane people.
The two weeks , to the run up to last night, when the function happened, were probably the most memorable ones, with unexpected and impromptu dinners, and weekends of dance practice and hunting the right costumes and then going mad co-ordinating. By, whatever twist of fate I was in middle of all of this.
Harya, JB, AJ and I had lunch together last Sunday, and then Harya, JB and I went ahead to do the costume thingy.. and even though we had all clicked, the magic happened that afternoon, and all three of us bonded.

Last night, was of course was at a different altogether. It was the night when we danced, met another of Harya's friend, Gir , who decided to name me "Pathan" for some weird reason. Whilst we did not drink any alcohol, we were hight on the dance and it was, like, I was liberated from my responsibilities. From being someone else, and I was just me. I was not thinking about anything. I was not planning out for the next day. I was living in that moment. Completely soaking it up.
We stopped by at the Worli Sea Face. I just could not help myself, and I had a smoke. I sat hearing the sea, while JB, AJ and Gir decided to have cutting and coffee.. Harya was stating with me at looking at the sea. Both of us saying exactly the same thing that, how sea calmed us.

And then, it was time to say good bye. To tell them all that how I will miss all the action of the last two weeks. And, how much fun it is to finally have a set of friends, which are my own, who can dance, go wild and have fun minus the judgement.

Ioffice is gonna be a different story to tackle from Monday. It is going to be how it was in college, another loop. Another set of mentalities that are beyond me. But that is on Monday, and before Monday, there is Sunday.

Life after a long time feels like it is getting out of a certain rut. I am going to enjoy that. And not over think. And, hopefully, don't go on an over drive.

*****************************************************************************

PS: The Husband has finally gotten me a "Chromebook", that means I can blog more often, and finally get back to my blog friends and read a lot more. All fingers crossed.

I am back to dancing!

It feels so so good!
No, I have not rejoined TDX, but another dance studio that two friends from Tdx have started!
And OH BOY!
I remember the first class that I had gone to in Tdx.. where I was so conscious of the way my body moved, whether I looked like an idiot while dancing! And there over the two- three years, I learnt how to zone myself out and completely focus on me and not to what anyone would think of me!
And, all of it just came back to me in the dance class! I was just doing my dancing and not looking at the other dancers!
And because these classes are by the ex-Tdx people, there is the familiarity in the things.. be it the work out and even couple of dance steps in the routine, which makes it fun. Especially, since there are just six of us in the class including the two instructors!

Feeling good, emotionally, yes, but physically, trust me, my body is in spasms. I can hardly move without my muscles protesting in pain!
I am gonna take a pain killer to sleep tonight, but starting tomorrow, I am gonna exercise, even if it is just walking for 30-40 minutes, so that the muscles get used to the exercising bit once again!

Cheers!

One step up!

I know that I owe a big post, and I am going to write on really soon.

Right now just wanted to share the first Good News of the New Year- I got promoted to level two of Social Dancing, i.e in the Elementary level from Beginners.. 


Here is hoping that there is more good awaiting this year!


Cheers! 

Where there is a Will..

There are no property disputes! *Yeah that was my attempt at bad humour!*

I am not going to give any legal gyaan.. but talk about the, THE most important event that made India shine, the Commonwealth Games 2010!!!!!
Yeah, we pulled it off, and in what grandeur and style. I must say that, it was a success story truly written by the Volunteers, the athletes and the Police...
When I saw the Opening Ceremony on my Television I was mesmerised I was watching it with my mouth hanging open all the time. And all through out the Ceremony  kept thinking, "Jab agaaz itna dilkash hai toh anjaam kiasa hoga?"
I went for the Cultural events that were being organized all over the city, and I was taken aback.. *I was of course expecting superb performance by all the Artistes, but it was the audience that left me in amazement* because, last I remember, the Delhi wallas, did not really had the taste or the patience to sit in plays, in dance recitals, unless they had someone of their own performing.
But, all the places were jam packed. That was the enthu that the people of Delhi had!

I also had gone for one of the Athletic event at the JLN Stadium, and I was lucky enough to be there on the day when the Discuss Players (Women) won all three medals for India. The crowd went mad, everyone sang along the National Anthem.. it was one of the kind moment to experience in your life time to see the Tri-colour waving three times over. And after that, the celebration music was 'Maa Tujhe Salaam' and OMG we sang like, we are the next Indian Idols!
And then there was the Closing Ceremony- And, I dunno how my mother managed it, but she got a couple of passes and I saw it live at the Stadium.. and I have never hooted so loud in my life! Of course the Closing was not as big as the Opening, but it was wonderful, and the last half an hour when all the Singers came and made Delhi go mad was total Paisa Wasool!

And the end of the two weeks, I got thinking, that there was not a single day when I got stuck in bad traffic, or for that matter of there was anything out of the ordinary that we do not see in Delhi. As a matter of fact, I found that the Delhi drivers were actually following the lane restrictions and there was lane driving happening. The crowd which always gathered for some event or the other, was never badly handled, the people were actually talking politely.. and there was a certain calm in the city. A sense safety that surrounded the who atmosphere.
But then, as soon as the games were bid bye, Delhi was back at being the brat that it is. I mean, why can't we the people of Delhi, be the way we were all through the games? Why can't the Police do its job the way it had done all these days. These are just the MOST little of things that we have to do, like, using the public transport, being polite, respecting the Rules of the Road, driving properly and being polite to each other. And, no one can stop Delhi from being a world class city.

I give the entire credit of the Success of the CWG 2010, to all of us, who made sure that the Games make us Shine, and the values of Atithi Devo Bhava are followed to the fullest!
The moral of the Story is that 'Where there is a Will, there is a Way', now that we know the way, and the result of following that way, we have to find that will in us!

PS: Chandni gets the credit for this post, I was not gonna brag about the success of the games, but after reading her, I could not resist!


PPS: Before I forget- Prosperity, Love, Health to all from Maa Durga! and Shri Ram! Happy Durga Pujo & Happy Dusshera to all of You!
*********************************************************
In the other news, me and my current partner in Dance Class have been wowed too many times for our connection etc! I am all dancie dancie about it! :)

Cherry on the top..

My dear readers are well aware of the events of the past week. I have not been having the best time of my life. It has been a bad couple of days.
Add to that, my rashes.
I had rashes in the inner elbow of my right arm. I ignored em for over 3 months, and now finally, I did get to the doctor. Am having medicines for the same. Antibiotics more like it. Oh, and he told me, take the meds for a week, if the rashes don't go, then well, I'll just give you a stronger dose. DAMN.
I am having antibiotics, and despite those, I manage to catch cold, cough and fever. Oh yeah, this happens to me. ONLY me.

And my father has lost it completely. He all of a sudden doesn't like me going for my dance classes. He says you are spending wayyy too much time there. Oh, God, someone tell him that, I am a big girl I have friends there, and that, I just don't go there for dancing. Of course, ogling at R, is a good enough reason, but, I have other people with whom I talk and interact with.
If it is in my parents hand, my social life would be ZERO, zilch, nada.

SOMEONE, take me out of here. Give me a direction, and GET ME OUT OF HERE. I need a LIFE. Like really. On my own terms.

I hate you...

I am not talking to you, you are very mean... extremely selfish.


I have been hearing these phrases so much in the last couple of weeks, that, all of a sudden I feel, that the change that I have been craving for is finally going to arrive.
I mean, I have always been- I still am to loads of extent- trying to keep everyone EVERYONE around me happy. I try to accommodate every little whim and fancy of every one around me.
And the day I don't, I am unliked by the people. Its like a status message on facebook, with the Unlike button. And for the uninitiated on FB the unlike/like button in the complex comment section thingy.


So, I feel that, it is progress as far as my life goes. I talk about taking life into my own hands, and really trying to make the most of what ever that I have. And, it makes perfect sense if I do what I like, and it makes me happy. What matters to the others, I don't give a damn.


NOW
That does not mean that I am going to do just about everything that a vamp does in our Hindi serials. It simply means, that people need to start accommodating more of me, my way. Than vise versa.
This little line by Dr. Suess sums it up well-
Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind.   


Do you guys remember that, I was talking about how R would have a heart attack seeing me in his class again, well, he was a little shocked... and he has a way with giving you looks... weird looks.
So, my friend lets call her N, she is very scared of R. (She is a 27 year old special educator, works with mentally challenged kids and R is 23) I am also intimidated by him, but, I can handle that much better than her.
Last friday on the second last day of the fest- She begged me to come for class (I had to miss dance because- HELLO- Last College FEST EVER) and I could not help laughing when I told her that I am not coming and she replied by saying-
I am not talking to you. R just gave me such a look... you just wait and watch, I am going to kill you when I see you next.


OMG- Had it come from anyone my age, I would have still taken it. From a 27 year old, it feels a little weird and funny... and hilarious. No, I have not gone back begging her to talk to me. I don't need to do that. Especially since I had a very genuine reason to not be at the class. 
Yeah, I have dance class today, I just hope she regained her senses back..!!! :P
*****************************************
Dear readers, my lovely blog friend, soul sister Kashvi officially turns two on the blog world. Please drop in your good wishes to her, so that she can continue to enthrall us with her great writing.

Loving, letting go, and crap...

So, it was Valentine's Day yesterday. The day of love. In the little article that I had written yesterday, did anyone notice, that the note which I had written for my sweetheart, I did not wish him a Happy Valentine's day, I just said that I love him.
That is coz, it was our love anniversary yesterday... and that according to me was more important than the day of mush. Now, before you all go awwww, I just wanna tell you all, that, that was it. Nothing much happened. Staying in two different cities there was nothing much that we could have done. I am angry, coz, I did not even get an e-card. (I am bound to be- DUHU)
But, then, I read this by Chanz, and decided, that its high time that I really start to appreciate my ownself. I have am not really proficient in doing that.
So, even though its a little late-
I am promising myself that, I am going to love myself, for the person I am. Because- I am me, and that is WHAT matters. If I love myself, I am hoping that I will get loved back, and without a heart break too, and the usual quarrels. Now, wont that just be great.
**************************************
There are so many people that come in our lives. They touch us, they teach us, and they give us great memories to live with. That is what life is all about.
But what happens, if you do end up wanting to keep one of those such persons to yourself, for life...? Are you fighting your destiny then?
Or are you just being selfish so that you can actually be happy with your own life... do you think that it may be unfair to the person who you want to keep yourself...
It maybe the hardest thing in the world to let go...
**************************************
So, my dance instructor R, is going to have the shock of his life on Wednesday. Well, the current batch that I shifted to after promotions was his batch in the previous month. But in February, things got reshuffled and he was given a different batch. Today, our studio manager approached me and my friend (both of us have been recently promoted) requesting us to change batches because the current one is overflowing. So, we just could not say no. And, then we get to know, that we are back with R. Poor him, the more he tries to leave me behind the more we are thrown to him.
Is it fate?
**************************************
I had my debate today in the college fest- It was awesome.

This is it- I guess, yeah... see you guys later...

And you thought Dancing was fun...!!!

Yeah, dancing is fun, only when you take away the technique away from it and dance like a drunk baffoon. But the moment you decide, that you want to perfect yourself in a dance form, then get ready to grill yourself.
Like our instructor says- No pain, no gain...!!!

So, yesterday was my first class of Basic Elementary; AND, I came home with such muscle cramps that, even after the entire night of sleeping, I hurt all over. I am not complaining, but it was an experience in it self. I mean, at the beginners level, there was a different kind of atmosphere, and at the second level itself, I can see the seriousness in the class. Ofcourse, there are jokes, and there are the usual stupid connotations that are happening in and out, but then, you are learning more, and you are being grilled at the technique more.

If beginners was all about opening your back up, and dancing like a star, then basic elementary is all about your extensions, piruvets and strengthening your abs.
If the work outs that we are doing in Basic Elementary, are done by me everyday for 20 mins, I am never in my life going to need a gym.
We do push ups, developes, Pilates... and that is just some of them...!!! 
But-
I shall over come, and chak de fatte the dance class...!!! And Dance like a star...!!!

PS: I know that some terms are totally alien, they are alien to google also, so, unfortunately, no explanations and links!!!

Dancing like a Star...!!

Ashley Lobo, took our class yesterday, apart from having the heart and mind fluttering about like a mad butterfly, it was a GREAT experience. I mean, how often do you get a chance to be taught by people who are icons in their field?

Apart from dance, we had a nice interact with him also. It was great.

And he is a great great talker, has almost convinced me that I should take up dance professionally- Now ain't that a new one.

Now, I must clarify here, that the interact was with the entire batch and that he was telling us all to pursue dance as a profession.

But anyways- it was a very motivating thought, especially, when you look at the way Ashley puts it..!! That when you are dancing you are doing something that you totally love, and when you are doing something that you totally love- it doesn't feel like work at all. Sounds good? right!!!

So my dear brain got working on this newest seed of thought- That can I actually become one of the great dancers... DUHU- Reality check happened when I came back home and we were watching 'So you think you can dance' Well, it was not their great dancing, but my mother's disgusting looks at their costumes and dances that made me realized that, this may not go down that well with them at this juncture- But- that does not mean that I am not going to dance anymore- As a matter of fact- Finally, I think that Mr. R, notices me class and that I may actually be making some progress, so while I learn how to interpret laws, I will also learn how to interpret music, and dance like a star...!!

*********************************************

On the other side of life, it is exactly in one week that Shayon is going to say Good bye to Delhi... and, I have no clue how to make one of the last few days that we spend together soooooooo special for both of us... so I think I am going to just be, and may be reality sink into me later.

Right now- I have to study and make a practical file. GOD.. HELP!!!

Quicky...

Here are some quick updates...!!! (The LONGER post is still due..Palease bear..)

• The show was awesome fun. It was a crazy technical reharsals, crazier giving the final perfomance and craziest was the after show effect... when we all went mad in the green room sorts.
• The weekend was great. Guess what? Kashvi came to DELHI...!!! And we MET!!! It was a GREAT saturday. The cherry on the top? Well, Shayon also came and joined us.. that meant an impromptu date for us. It was so cool..!!!
• Sunday was langar organized by us at the local gurudwara, and phew, it was hot and humid. And then, I went Red Spaghetti hunting.
• My internship started today. Very chilled out place..almost feels like a startup. Just three of us in office.
• Rains. FINALLY. Dreamcatcher's threats have finally worked. Or maybe, she did do the rain dance or gave a human sacrifice to the Gods.
• Now, the rains are great. The INSECTS are YUCK.
• And all those who are wondering, why isn't Kashvi updating, well, poor girl's comp crashed. Wish her comp a quick and healthy recovery.

Happy Doctors Day, to all the dear Doctors.

Cheers!!!

Why good looking is so important??

Well, you all do know about the dance class.. and about the show that is going to happen on the 29th??

Oh, I think that you know about my dance class but not about the show.. so The Dance Worx(my dance class) has a summer workshop and at the end of which there is a show. My show is on the 29th of June. And NO I am not excited about it...

I know that I am not a great dancer, but at leat I am much much better than the ones my Instructor is favoring.

The batch is doing 3 songs of almost a minute each. The batch has been divided into two groups, one group is performing on Jai Ho, PCD version and the other on Nelly Furtado feat Timbaland, Give it to me and the Finale i.e the third song is called Shut Up..

I am in the second song, I am standing in the first row, but on the extreme right. The centre stage is a guy, who is a fantastic dancer.. but its the girl standing on his right that is killing me... she is no great dancer... and I am like completely invisible to the eyes of the instructor.

Jai Ho group is looking terrible btw.. and in the finale he puts that group right in front.

All of us in the other group are very upset.

And- take this- the only reason why Mr. Instructor favors certain girls is because they are way good looking... and have that snooty attitude in them.

Hello?

I mean- I am not that bad looking.. but today- I really don't feel like I am beautiful.

If beauty is just skin deep... then why does it become so important to always have that flawless skin.. and be fair and great looking. I say great looking because- all of us are good looking in one way or the other..

I do not wear the spaghetti tops and cross straps bra in the dance class, because- I think that more important than showing off your skin its important to show off your dancing skills... skimpy clothes do not make a person more able to dance.

I am thanking my good senses- that I came to realise, and realise on time that I am dancing for myself.. I know it will help if Mr. Instructor notices me too... but his criteria and level of thinking is way below my expectations. I am disappointed in him.

But- isn't this the way our society is also? Have you really noticed the amount of creams and lotions that are in the market for making your skin visibly fairer??

Intially it was only the women but now- its the metro sexual male also who likes to have a visibly fairer skin.

Even the F&*%*^% ads that are on television just talk about how important is to cultivate a fair and flawless skin. That it is the only; mind you ONLY gateway to success... how discouraging is that? What happened to all that talk about- internal beauty and true talent? My mother keeps on getting me all kinds of creams so that my complexion too can be improved. According to her I was very gora gora till the time I was a kid.. but later thanks to the exposure of the sun etc i have visibly gotten tanned...

It seems after the second class treatment here, I really should take her advice more often.

DISGUSTING...!!!

Exams... TV, Dance Classes....bad weather and health...

I know, I know, I am supposed to be studying... I am going to do just that, in about 10 more minutes. I have been aching to put an update on the blog. And this is nothing but just that.

The news that sucks is- That even though one paper that is clashing with the elections got postponed- There is no change in my exam schedule, its just that instead of finishing on the 21st, they are gonna strech on till 27th. 

Dance classes are so much of fun. (Obsession alert...) I just can't hvae enough of em and just can't stop gushing about them. The dance classes make me feel so so human... and so energetic that I have decided to workout everyday with the dance routine workouts. (Roop better be proud of me) 

Television of late has started getting on my nerves. I just can't seem to tolerate the stupid election campaign jingles... and the soaps, that are based in the villages of India... wherein, 21st century will reach god knows when... can't these be banned ?? almost all the decent english ones are banned coz of their content... and instead of having soaps, that talk about forward moving sciety and how the society is supposed to be dynamic and not static... they show absurdities that make me wanna go kill em. (Touchy subject- will expand on this after exams..)

Btw- I too was unwell for almost a week... therefore even though I was reading blogs constantly.. the comment processing was not happening... so guys- I am alive...!!! 

The weather here sucks... and I wish to just keep on drinking cool drinks and not eat anything... (BAD idea- you all will fall ill like this... I already did)

And before I sign off- I am very soon going to have maid crisis. That means... my 24x7 maid is going back to her gaon... and I am absolutely not in a mood to spend my month of june getting up early to serve tea... and to do the bartans. So if any of you have any maid reccos... you are most welcome. (My mom is already going hyper... )

No we are not bad ppl, just pampered... !!! 

Thank God...

No, Really...

It was an awesome day... life is BEAutiful day.

Ofcourse, if end defines the means... then it was the Most fruitful day in maybe the past three months that have gone by.

The day started with me going over to Shayon's place.. and doing the last minute set up for his mom. 

But there was loads of confusion... first about the station on which the train is coming... then there was my result which the University decided to declare today... btw- am third in my class.... That cause quite a racket.. beacuse... phone calls were being made... Shayon and I were trying to reach the Old Delhi Railway Station... 

Finally in between the chaos... we managed to reach the station.. in good time. I was scared to death... I mean, Shayon's Mom din't even know that I was coming. (All the Girls- I wore a Patyaala Salwaar, chickenkari white suit with a blue dupatta... ). I had cold feet... I was COLD and sweaty at the same time... 

But- Guys- Shayon's mom was really great. There was no touch the feet thingy happening... she simply gave me a HUGE HUGGY.... and that was really cute... I got a great gift from her.. its a salwaar kameez set... in mustard yellow and mehroon. (Now- I have to buy her a nice gift.. suggestions...please...)

And yeah guys- I started with my dancing lessons too...!!! Detail of that will come later... but right now... Just Thanking God.. for all his graces...