Monday, March 29, 2010

Love, Sex aur Dhoka

I have not yet had the chance to go see this movie. Anyone willing to take me out to watch a movie, this or any other are more than welcome. And, yeah so this post is not about the movie or the various controversies surrounding the movie.
It seems that our little blog-o-sphere is itself headed for quite a lot of heated discussion and opinions about, Love, sex aur Dhoka.
The string started at this post by Uncle J, which was later picked up by TBG, and since most of the comments on TBG's post turned steered the conversation around these three words, Shayon came up with something of his own, and then Uncle J came up with another post combining TBG's and Shayon's views and putting in his own thoughts into it. And, to add more heat to the fire, we have Suruchi giving us more insights and then Shayon with his questions...
And that leaves me so confused. I know, my dear reader, this is loads of hard work for you navigating soooo many links to try to make sense here. But trust me all of them are worth a read, they invoke such extreme reactions in your head that you can't even imagine.

Yeah, so, now that you all familiar with, the basis of all the Love, Sex aur Dhoka that we are discussing, I have a couple of things that just struck me as soon as I closed my eyes, and I woke up again to ponder over em, and then decided to make you a party to moi thoughts.

I have been crying hoarse saying that all I have seen are love marriages around me, and such that even after years and years of being married these couples a still so much in love that, I am normally embarrassed around them. But, then, I have also seen friends breaking up in the nascent stage of their relationships because of either partner falling in love all over again.
Here, lets just put the 'Love affairs' aside.
And think of Just marriage, and lets be demographic here, and only think in the Indian Society Scenario, where love marriages are still looked down upon.
I have a certain friend (oye, owe up to this statement) who says, 'Sakshi, this is India, here, one falls in love after marriage.'
This is true, most of the marriages are arranged by the elders of the families, and two completely unknown entities are put together to spend their entire lives together. Now, even if there is respect and understanding by the way of compromising and by the fact that they are in holy matrimony.
What is the guarantee of actually forming that emotional bond? Of falling in love. Of course, you do get habituated to that person, he being your life partner, you have sex, have children and  lead a normal life. But, how does that justify you being in love. And what happens, when you find that emotional connect with someone, say in office or that neighbour... then where do you go from there? You have a family, and responsibilities, and then, you start feeling suffocated in your marriage and then you end up living a life of compromise.. Or do you?
I know we can have a La KANK scenario here, but then again, KANK was completely based outta USA, how many of us know of 40 year olds with proper families walking out of their marriage because they have found someone with whom they can really connect.

I say that a relationship based on mutual trust, and understanding is great. But, I also believe, that love by way that special bond, where you know that he farts after dinner, or that she has a compulsive habit of digging her nose don't bother you, and you still sleep on the same bed minus the children between you. And that you can actually talk to each other, about your true feelings and not just about children, finances and parents. And, when the relationship is like this, you can't really go wrong.

Infidelity is a different ball game all together.
Even in relationships that are air tight, there are chances that one can go wrong. And we cannot really preach anyone or tell any one what to do in such a situation. I have always maintained my stance on a very simple fact, that, The best people to make a decision in a relationship about a relationship is no one but the two people involved in that relationship. It is completely their call. It is they who know what the other person went through, when he/she took that step, and what made him/her do that.

No one can really predict, where and how would you connect with another person. In the internet generation we have love stories coming out of twitter, my own was thanks to a social networking site.
Love is love.
It can happen to anyone, any where, and You can't control it. It controls you.

5 comments:

Lincoln said...

The last sentences sums up ur post :).. My take: If 2 ppl feel happy when they are close together they should be till the happiness lasts, after that move on.....

Wicked Witch of the West said...

Still all brain dead from being a tad ill and work day so not going to try and say anything intelligent :D But...last statement on love I so wholeheartedly agree with. Love (like any emotion) is involuntary. You can't make yourself feel it where you don't...you can't stop it where you do. Damn inconvenient. But true. And unpredictability means that even the most committed can be taken unaware by it...

Shayon said...

Quite a "vegetarian" post, I must admit, compared to the URLs you have shared. But seriously, I think no one could have culminated the whole bloated up debacle better than you. Yes, we know that arranged marriages exist, Infidelities exist, Divorces exist... but we also know that "together forever" also exists. We also know that "commitment in a relationship" exists too. And we all agree that love exists.

What pains me is how fiercely we fight over the "society defined" infidelity is justified or not, but how many of us have actually tried to analyse that how the hell does "together forever" exist in a few relationships and couple? How many of us have tried to figure out what is the mantra to keep a relationship alive and going?

It is very easy to point out fingers at the problem statements. What's tough is to find out a solution to the same.

suruchi said...

Hey Sakshi...
Thanks for the mention here...
U make complete sense to me gurl...in fact much of what you have said would find an echo in my own chain of thoughts...

Though I would like to clear your doubts about arranged marriages....
It is a beautiful concept...it is risky, I admit...
But then, what is not?
Generally a background research is done in the parties concerned before coming to conclusions n thankfully now the two people in question are also asked for their opinion...

Mine is an arranged marriage...
I too used to think how can things like these work?
Meeting someone for half an hour n saying “yes”
But believe you me...staying together...gradually revealing yourself...tender little gestures of affection n care...they make u shed your apprehensions n inhibitions n then when u reach out to your spouse, it's kinda everlasting...:-)

That is why this institution n set up has worked from so long...
There may not be passionate love here...as in the craving n pining of a galfriend/boyfriend scenario...but it is subtle, deeper and more lasting...
Love marriages come with a whole gamut of expectations as well as taking things for granted....

And as far as cheating n loyalties are concerned...I guess we’ve debated enough about it on my blog...
Wishing u all the very best:-)

Sakshi said...

@ Lincoln
Thanks, for your comment. Love is just that, plain love. And, well, sometimes there are more tangents to it than the straight line.

@Shayon
Quote " How many of us have tried to figure out what is the mantra to keep a relationship alive and going?"

Well, you and I both know that there is no mantra to keep alive a relationship, and to keep it going.
A relationship is not math or science that has fixed formulas... it is just plain feelings ruled by heart. Love, I see it as an art, everyday, and every time you feel the urge to say 'I Love You' it is for a reason different from the previous one, as a matter of fact, 99% of the times you don't even have a reason.

and, sometimes, things do go wrong.. and you cant really help it.

@Suruchi
well I agree, with lots of what you said up there. But, sometimes, especially, since the times have changed, it is really hard to know a real person. And, trust me, being in a lawyer family no one knows it better than me about divorces, marriages and what not... :)