Yes, I have written a lot about marriage. Not of others but wanting to have mine. I am a very wedding person. Ask my newest colleague and she will any day certify me to be the most Wedding crazy person.
Two of my cousins are getting married this year and one of them happens to be 22. She is working and earning like crazy. And there was another cousin who got married in January, and he also turned 22 (he ended up getting married to his high school sweetheart so she was also 22 at the time of marriage.) At this Cousin’s marriage we were all laughing about how the poor guy is in a hurry to get married and how he is being subjected child marriage.
I also remember the fact that, when I had turned 18, every one around me teased me that now my turn is near and that by the time my Bua was 21 she was already a mother. Just to clear the records- That did not stop her from pursuing her studies and having her career. She is the Vice President in a HUGE company, and trust me, her reasons for getting married at that young age were simple and straight- Her boyfriend was 9 years elder to her and had he waited another couple of years for her to finish her graduation and et all, the relationship would not have culminated into a marriage, leaving lots of heart broken.
Marriage, I believe is a very conscious decision that two people, especially the ones who choose their own partners make. Sometimes, due to the huge age difference and other times, because you would rather be with your partner/ lover, you want to get married. I know a friend of mine (she is a blogger now hibernating) who got married and she was 20 at that time. And I also remember the kind of thunderous response the blogosphere gave her when she announced that she intends to get married that early in her life.
For some weird reason, there is a stuck notion in the hearts and the minds of people, particularly girls, that, there is nothing more to life after marriage. That all your life you have to be stuck with chulha-chokha and taking care of your in-laws/ parents.
My question is, that if you have chosen for your self, your Mr. Right, and then you have not even talked to him about how you expect your marriage to work, of course, marriage will become more of a hurdle rather than a value addition, wherein at the end of the day, you have the person you love to go back to without making any excuses from your parents (if you used to when you dated).
It is also a fact that things change after marriage, of course they do, every day, every second, you make a decision things change around you. Then why wouldn’t they, when you take such a major step and step into a new life!! Why do you have to throw the rationality out of the window when you decide to get married?
Have you also wondered, how the parents get all antsy about your marriage when you reach a certain age, especially when you are not dating anybody?? How, OMG, you are getting older gets on their nerves. Yes, there is the primitive mind set of marrying off the kids at a nice ripe young age, but there is a little rationale behind it.. *Ok, this rationale was explained to me by my grandfather*, he used to tell me that most of the divorce cases that came to him were of the couple who got married in their late twenties or early thirties and now are facing problems. *Mind you, the concept of mediation came up much later* He used to say that, the more late in your life you get married, the harder it is for you to adjust to the newer surroundings and newer people, because so much of your life has been spent in a certain way, the teething becomes sorely bad, when the time lapse increases. And to think about it, it does make sense. To an extent.
Nowdays, of course there are other factors that contribute not to the genuine incompatibleness of the couple but to the battle of their egos, that lead to more complications.
But, I personally believe, that marriage is a bond in it self. There was a reason why it was a called a Sacrament, or cheesier still, the ‘saat janamon ka saath’ concept was in existence, because ‘nibhaani padti hai’ there are adjustments in everything that you do. And, if you are confident about the partner that you have chosen, or in cases where the parents have chosen the partner, you are confident about him/her, then why not give yourself a chance and enter into it with an open mind, rather than thinking about- what compromises you would have to do. Or for that matter the kind of expectations that are there from both sides.
In a new set up, a new situation, the probability of anything and everything going wrong is 100%, but it is upto you to enter into your new life with an open mind and an open heart… yes it is a process of re-learning of a lot of things, but it also a process of making the other family a part of what you have also learnt over the years. It is rather like an education where each is learning about the other, in a very novel perspective!!!
So take a leap of faith, have trust and believe in love!! J
PS: I have no idea why did I end up writing such a huge post on marriage. Its a sermon more than a post, and if you are reading this- then thanks for bearing it! :)