I wish for...

Last post of this year. I am feeling pretty, wow... yeah quite a contrast from the last post. Shalini in her comment to my last post told me to start looking at the glass as half full. And trust me I am going to do just that.

Almost everyone that I know has their wishlist ready for the coming year...apart from the fact that the year is just changing, 2010 also marks an end to an entire decade of the new millennium. For all the skeptics - The world did not end when the 1900's gave away to 2000... the century leaped and bound and thus came the last ten years that have gone away in a jiffy. I know I know, time has its way, it just moves wayyyy toooo fast.

I was hardly a teenager when the year 2000 rolled in, and ten years later, I am almost ready to take on to the world head on.

Ohkay, here are my tiny miny wish list for the coming year... I hope that it all comes true.

*****************************

For Shayon: I totally wish that his great run at his career continues and all that he desires including me happen for him.

For Moo: True love happens to all of us. And I totally wish that it happens to you as well, and that you realize that it is true love. I also wish that this coming year makes sure that your boss starts loving you more and making you slog your ass lesser.

For Kashvi: I know how much you want to get into that masters' course. And I totally believe that you will get in there.

For D.O. : You lost a lot this year, but then you got into a really great college for your M.Phil. I hope that love happens to you and that you are mostly high on that.

For Ki: I am looking forward to your wedding the most. I pray that you are with him...really really really soon.

For Shalini : I really pray that you clear your entrances and get into the college that your parents have been looking forward to. May your dreams be a true reality.

For Mr.Yadu Rajiv : Yeah, I mentioned you here. You are total sweetheart. I really pray that 2010 changes your fortune in a way that always keeps your spirits high.

For G@K: You are looking for a job. I wish that the coming year brings you soo many opportunities that you totally dance in joy.

For Uncle J : I wish health, happiness, peace and prosperity... more of it.

For My Parents- (even though they will not see it ) I wish that the coming year brings to you more love, more joy, prosperity and loads of good health.

As far as I go-

Before this year ends, I really want to thank all my readers, new and old.. who have changed my life in a way that I can't even imagine. You have given me my own space and not written me off as a mad person. The presence of each one of you in my life has made this year special for me thank you.

I am stepping into the unknown, I wish that I am a better person.... I have a great job, I wish to come clean with my parents about Shayon and that, this happens without too much of friction.

Oh, and yeah- I am in my final two semesters, God please be gracious and let me get my degree minus hiccups.

Yeah, that is about it.

I am ending this post with a poem I wrote-

For each year that ends,

starts a new one;

Making the world -

wait with baited breath,

of new hopes and new dreams;

The goals- to be set in different parameters,

of taking a step closer to them;

Living your life for lil moments,

loving each moment that you live your life;

And,

as each year comes to a close,

it makes me realize just that...

Happy New Year!!!!

Welcome 2010, or...

Year ends are a confusing time for me. I look back at all the ups and downs that I have been through that year, and want to go back in time to do, and re-do a lot of things... without really liking the thought of stepping into the new year.

Yeah, I am the 'Panic' attack person when it comes to things changing wayyyyyy more faster than what I like to. But, like they say, that time does not stop for any one.

In another three odd days this year will be past tense. Gone. Bye- Bye. Tata.

And, I will be welcoming it with my studies. No Good to have paper on the very first day of the year.

And trust me I am really scared for stepping into the new decade... the Goddamn new year is going to take me out of my comfort zone, into the unknown. There is gonna be a whole new future about which I have no IDEA...

Here is hoping and praying that the New Year brings each one of you loads of reasons to Cheer and spread the happiness about.

Love you all!!

Happy Birthday Mom!!!

In my house, almost all of us were born on some significant day or the other!!! But my mother is our Santa Claus...

Very personal and very close to all of our hearts. This is one of the biggest reasons that we celebrate Christmas and make sure that the festivity is in the air, come what may.

Last year on her birthday I was in Mumbai, feeling sad about missing the festivities, but then, she had a great great day, with surprises galore!!! And on this birthday of hers, all I wish and pray is that- she gets whatever she wishes for...!!!

Love you mum and Happy Birthday!!!

***********************************************

To all my lovely fellow bloggers-

May Santa bring you all that you desire!!! :)

Merry Christmas!!!

This Holiday Season, lets pledge some charity...

Santa Claus is coming to town. With the holiday season just around the corner, I have been thinking a lot about making my list to post to Santa.

I am still not old enough to not to believe in him. As a matter of fact I don't think that, I will ever not believe in Santa.

Anyways- So this holiday season, I thought that I will promote some charity.

Its called The Fresh Air fund, its a charity that makes sure that children have some fun. There are a lot of children who do not get the oppurtunity to have a decent education, forget pursuing their hobbies and having vacations. This organization works in getting these children, what the children really like to do... have fun.

I know how much I looked forward to my holidays when I was in school and how much the little breaks meant to me.

How about this season, become Santa to these kids and contribute in the charity- It can simply be by passing on the message of the Fund.

Happy Holidays!!!

Cheers!!! :)

PLEASE END THIS YEAR!!!

Whenever a new year starts, the very first month is always the most exciting because of its newness and because with every year that ends, an New one brings in Hope.

Be it with the resolutions or with a much awaited event that has been slated for that year already.

I know that I was very excited when 2009 began. It began on a great note on the very personal front and professionally also, it has been a nice viable year.

But somehow, amidst all the good things that happened to me- there was a aura of darkness that surrounded the year.

And, it started with my neighbour staying opposite to me falling in the very first week of January and slipping into coma for 5 months before she expired. Yes, she was old. But, I am sure she could have seen a few more happy years.

Starting with that, started a cycle, wherein, I have been hearing about so many deaths. Yes, the death of old people who were ill... but death nevertheless.

Two of my friends also lost their father- due to severe illness, and the latest being my maid's bua dying of cancer in her village.

Even though I know, that I could not have done anything to prevent any of it, because death is the inevitable and it is also said that, the day you are born, your last day has also been inscribed in your fate by God Almighty.

But, really, enough pain. Enough sadness.

This year, should have ended on a high note- but alas- I think that is not going to happen.

My exams start on the 29th Dec and end on 7th January. I also have a paper on the 1st of January. Where have you heard that...

I can't complain. I have had a very happy year otherwise. But shrouded by sad and bad news, true happiness doesn't really sink in also.

I just want this year to end, and I really really pray that, the coming year truly brings Happiness and Peace- Not only to me, but to the world and to the people around me.

Amen.

**************************************

I know that the Goa Vacation posts are still due. They will come after my exams. Promise.

Love you all.

Its gonna take some time to catch up...

Hey!!!

Remember me?

Well, thanks for not missing me so much.

I had gone to Goa and Mumbai for a vacation and to attend a family wedding. Both of which have been successfully completed. And now I am back. And, its gonna take sometime to get back into reading all the great posts that I have missed, so please bear with me.

Will update ASAP.

Love you all.

Sabbatical...

Hey there Sweeties...

Okay, I know that I have not been commenting on lots of posts and I am really sorry. I just have had no time to breathe easy. And, I have been totally wishing that there were a few more hours in the day.

There are cousins over, and there are weddings, and there is college, and tragedies. So, all in all, with the complete caste for a new soap opera, me to me time has been very very limited. So much so, that, I have not been replying to smses also with the promptness that I would like.

So much so, Shayon and have hardly talked in like three days. We both have been so caught up with the whole schedules of our lives that- UGH!!!

Well, I am off to a sabbatical for a week. Will be back next Sunday, thus no updates for a week for sure. But after that, there are going to be some nice posts that will be coming up. So, please, do come back to say a hi.

**********************************************

Its Ki's birthday on the 13th. I am going to dedicate a post to her, but it may just come a day or two late coz of my travel plans-

So sweetheart- I know that you stars have just talked and that your birthday gift is well on its way- I really hope that you have a STAR birthday, just the way you like it. With lots of good wishes and lots of love, hugs and kisses from the loved ones.

Happy Birthday To YOU!!

Love you girl.

***********************************************

See you all in a bit. Please miss me.

I know that I am not the brightest star in your universe,

but I try very hard to be that twinkle in your eyes,

the one I have never seen...

I may not have what it takes,

but I speak the truth when I say,

that I don't know what is it that I have...

For so many that you got in my life,

they were impressed by what they saw!

But why I wonder do you fail to see,

what the world sees...

Or is it that the world fakes,

to be in your good books?

It has always been about...

the books and the looks?

RIGHT!!!

A little more tall you scream,

little more thin atleast...

Dumb, be not, atleast get more marks,

than him, than her...

Why do you push me,

to be her,

why not nudge and budge,

to be ME!

A fool you call me,

to let the world go by,

never really caring to look,

and look like thy..

Yes, I am a fool,

to try and be her,

losing myself in a world,

created by you for you...

Where am I in that world of yours?

Unconditional love and care,

that was the deal,

why is their an astrix to every hug that I receive?

Broken your trust have I ?

live with it,

like I have heart broken.

I don't blame you,

I never will...

I am the one who never learned to tell you,

to love me, to care...

I am the one who forgot,

To stand up and ask for what is mine.

In this, lack of communic,

you just claim to know me,

whereas,

I know that you don't know me.

I am ready to walk,

to try to redeem myself,

slowly walking out of your life,

into the one that is mine.

I am walking away in a hope..

that when the world truly sees,

you also see- and not be ashamed of me.

OH GOD- I am sorry...!!!

I need to keep my my mouth shut.

Stop being such a moron.

And such a self centered BITCH that I am.

Ki, I am really sorry. My behavior was way out of line.

:(

Into another life- All the Best- My love!!

I am at Shayon's place. Packing his bags for his journey to a new beginning that awaits him on the other side.

Right now, he is not around. And, I am already feeling a deep void of not having him around. It took us almost 3 months to get used to having each other at max 20 minutes apart, and in a little less than 24 hours... he will be on his way to a new life.

As much as it is hurting me right this instant.. and the physical hurt that I am feeling packing up his stuff... I am not going to break down and act like a drama queen.

I am just going to wish him Bon- Voyage and lots of success in his new job. I know he is very excited... and I urge all of you all to please wish him all the luck in his new job and pray that we are united again REALLY SOON.

All the Very BEST!!! I love you Sweetheart..!!!

Have you ever felt so suffocated that it feels like the walls are closing into you... and even when you the door, you do not have the energy to just life your hand up and get that door opened before you are choked to the oblivion??

Or felt, that you are just plain outta luck, that it is ridiculous and you feel like its a nightmare that is lasting way too long...

Or just felt so lonely that- despite being surrounded by people you have a feeling that you are not there, and that you are watching yourself from a vantage point...

have you?

Dancing like a Star...!!

Ashley Lobo, took our class yesterday, apart from having the heart and mind fluttering about like a mad butterfly, it was a GREAT experience. I mean, how often do you get a chance to be taught by people who are icons in their field?

Apart from dance, we had a nice interact with him also. It was great.

And he is a great great talker, has almost convinced me that I should take up dance professionally- Now ain't that a new one.

Now, I must clarify here, that the interact was with the entire batch and that he was telling us all to pursue dance as a profession.

But anyways- it was a very motivating thought, especially, when you look at the way Ashley puts it..!! That when you are dancing you are doing something that you totally love, and when you are doing something that you totally love- it doesn't feel like work at all. Sounds good? right!!!

So my dear brain got working on this newest seed of thought- That can I actually become one of the great dancers... DUHU- Reality check happened when I came back home and we were watching 'So you think you can dance' Well, it was not their great dancing, but my mother's disgusting looks at their costumes and dances that made me realized that, this may not go down that well with them at this juncture- But- that does not mean that I am not going to dance anymore- As a matter of fact- Finally, I think that Mr. R, notices me class and that I may actually be making some progress, so while I learn how to interpret laws, I will also learn how to interpret music, and dance like a star...!!

*********************************************

On the other side of life, it is exactly in one week that Shayon is going to say Good bye to Delhi... and, I have no clue how to make one of the last few days that we spend together soooooooo special for both of us... so I think I am going to just be, and may be reality sink into me later.

Right now- I have to study and make a practical file. GOD.. HELP!!!

There is a Zebra in my Room..!!!

Alright- I know that I have not been a good girl about updating my blog. But, every time I open this page the only thing that I feel like doing is ranting, and being sad about the coming few weeks.

Yeah, when the boyfriend is leaving, the mood swings are bound to happen. And, I am going to try really hard not to be sad about him leaving.

So anyways- did I mention that me bunking college has pretty backfired on me. And that, I am actually on ultimatums from the college, therefore I have to give the presentations and give all the pre- university exams (which are not compulsory otherwise). So, I have been actually trying to go to the college.

Apart from the chaos in my college/professional life,

Life @ home has been turbulent too-

My mom had been after our lives to sort out our stuff so that we can get some painting done in the house, and guess what- she succeeded...!!!

Yeah- so, my room has a new colour, or rather colours- It is basically bright yellow with bright orange giving it some company.

One of the walls has gone designer- and is painted in orange and yellow stripes- even though it looks like that the zebra has played holi- it has just brightened the entire aura of the room. The stripes, I dunno, I feel like are an omen. They it seems represent order in chaos- That my life is.

This seems like the general update on my me.

Nothing really special is happening, and to be frank, I have started dreading the thought of being alone at all. I am pretty lonely here, the friends that I really have are far off, and the one that I have here is busy in her life, and even though we meet we try to focus on happy things.

OH GOD- I feel so used right now.

In every possible ways-

I feel like, I am there for everyone, and when I need everyone around me, everyone is busy in their lives.

Be it friends, boyfriend or just about anybody.

I have the MOST fucked up relationship with my parents- you know the sorts in which they think that they know their child and in the end they realize that the time to really bond is over. Yeah, we have our moments but I can never be their younger daughter. I am not perfect you see.

There is this hateful sister factor in it also- Doing everything an elder sister does, keeping her eyes and ear open, you know making her case in front of the parents, sorting out all her fights, but in the end- All I have been getting is major attitude- Not even a proper thanks.

You know once in a while it is good to hear something nice from your parents.

I hate being the butt of almost all jokes that are cracked around me, and about me.

Right now- This instant- I can almost feel the anger pounding in my head and on the subconscious level I know, this is a rant post- But I can't help it.

Sorry.

It is OK to be selfish. At times.

*****************************************

Shayon bought himself a new url so you can read his pearls of wisdom here, from now on.

Here I am...

Thank you all for missing me sooo much.

It was awesome to see that I do matter to all my friends. I just wish that my parents could see that.

Anyway- There were no real reasons that I was away. I was just busy preparing for sister's sweet sixteen party. The damn thing was such an elaborate affair that- I feel that I never turned sixteen, let alone have a milestone birthday party.

The party was inspired by a reality show on VH1 called- My Super Sweet Sixteen. And trust me, with the kind of mishaps, and upswings, down swings and the drama that took place to make sister's party a success- I almost felt that I was a part of the reality show myself. The dress came like 1.5 hours before the party was to start.. there was a phase when it looked like that no one is gonna turn up for the party.

Thank God for all his kindness- The party was a success- And, I am happy that- it is gone and over. It has been THE most anticipated event of our family.

The next few things are loads of weddings and relatives coming over to kickstart the party towards the culmination of this year.

Amongst all the hullabaloo- I am trying to drown my sadness and the void that is slowly forming in my heart as the date of Shayon's departure is coming closer. To be frank- I am not looking forward to the alone time that I am going to get. It is such a different phase of life for me- when all of the people around me- be it my cousins or my friends- are working. Apart from making me feel like a kiddo- there seems to be a difference in the time schedules, in the priorities... they have different activities to look forward to, different people to meet...

And it is taking me a LOT of time to adjust to the fact that we all are growing up- and from discussing exam schedules- we are discussing office timings. It feels- like I said- Different.

It is life. I have no choice but accept these facts- and Get on with it. But, once in a while you do need a certain re assurance that in this long journey of life whenever at whatever milestone you turn back there are people who love you and care for you...!!!

I am back- and once again Thank you all for missing me...!!! :)

Interlude...

Hey, I am to reply to the comments, and write a new post.

Just need some time.

Will be back, soon.

Love you all.

Dear 2009...

Dear 2009,

I have had the most tiring year ever. I was bound to, after all, the very first day of the year I was travelling all over mumbai, meeting up people and getting ready to start off the new year with a bang.

When the Santa clause came last year, it bought with itself one of the MOST wonderful gifts ever. Shayon was moving to Delhi... you were the year that I was looking forward to live the most.

To celebrate in 4 years our Love Anniversary together. To celebrate, our birthdays together, to talk on the local phone- to meet, without much planning.

I mean, I have had such a roller coaster- seeing my own city as a couple. To visit the lover spots, to cook, ohkay I have to admit in this case- it was Shayon cooking.To just spend the day together.

I have learnt, how to be proficient in making excuses when I have to go out on a date, or how to create such angels of friends who would get me lovely gifts when they go out of the city.

And, I have been able to fight a little more often too.

But, life they say comes in a full circle- and in a month , life will slip back to what it was a year back. The year that started in such a great note with a promise of forever and always, is ending, and that too a month early for me.

Being practical in love- It is a tough job. But like someone says it is very important to draw a line between your personal and professional life...

And as I am going to bid you Good bye this year, I will be making some very important decisions of my life. I will be applying for jobs. I will be looking hoping to make a future.

I hope that all that we had dreamed of this year becomes a reality.

Life is full of surprises.

All I can do is Thank You for all that you have given me this year...

Sakshi.

************************************************

Dear 2010,

You are yet to arrive. But, I have great expectations from you.

I am hoping to graduate in midst of the year.

But, I have no idea what else to ask from you, so I am just going to ask you to give me strength and endurance, because- I will need a lot of that.

Sakshi

********************************************

For all of you, I know this sounds very cryptic. Re-reading it, it sounds like loops and loops of nonsense. But, since, I had written it, I did not want keep as a draft.

And, the reason behind the loops and my general sadness is that- Shayon has resigned from his present job in Delhi and moving to Banglore in a month's time.

I am very happy for him, its a great opportunity for him to get ahead in his career and to do what he really wants. It will be really wrong to say that I am not sad. I am as a matter of fact really sad, and unhappy. But, one has to do what has to be done.

Yeah, that is it- My life is going to be back to the square one in four weeks. And I wish I could stop time, but alas, that is also not a possibility.

Happiness doubles when shared, sorrow is halved-

is life really as simple as this stupid quotation says?

In a bid to make sure that all are happy, I have lost my smile somewhere.

I know, I laugh, but- I just wonder why can't it reach my eyes- and gleam like it used to.

To make sure- everything in life of everyone runs smootly-

I have forgotten to oil my bearings- the creaks and the cracks have become a comforting noise now.

To make sure that I survive my ordeal- I have stopped venting out-

Numbness has become the order of the day and night.

Tears refuse to come.

Laughter refuses to become genuine.

Pain is a regular visitor.

All is dark, and God it seems has turned off the light at the end of the tunnel, owing to recession.

I have no idea- why am I blabbering.

Happy Diwali

We mediate on the glory of the Creator;

Who has created the Universe;

Who is worthy of Worship;

Who is the embodiment of Knowledge and Light;

Who is remover of all Sin and Ignorance;

May he enlighten our Intellect.

-Gayatri Mantra

Dear All,

It has been a wonderful journey to write about all my feelings and to have readers like you, who have supported me, have helped me and above all have just been there for me.

So this festive season,

I wish you all-

Great health, Lots of Wealth- and tons and tons of Happiness... May the festival of lights bring you all that you desire.

Happy Deepawali to you..!!!

For my Cow...

This is a little something that I wanted to write to Moo, my cow, and after a lot of debating and thinking whether I should e-mail it or put this up on the blog- I decided to put this up here.

*************************************

My dear Cow,

HI..!!! How are you doing? I know that you have been shopping alot. I mean, your mom is right, when she says that you need a separate house just to accommodate your clothes. You are being a spendthrift.. ;P

You know, life is a bitch. I mean we all know it, c'mon, sometimes we curse our school, or we are cursing our luck, or you know just generally being vague about it.

But, the thing in life that really cheers us up, is our friends. Because, I heard it somewhere that, you can't choose your family, but you can surely choose your friends.

Off late, I have been doubting that...!! I mean, these sayings were true when there was no net, but today on an average thanks to our virtual lives we meet so many strangers, and some of them who seem nice become such stalkers... that you feel YUCK...

But, then there are times when you find really nice people also- I found so many of you.

Therefore- I feel, that destiny also has a role to play when we choose our friends.

Even in real life we come across people who make us friends and then just move on in their lives- and that really hurts. I know it does. But, you know these are lessons in life too, to tell you that you as a person are sweet heart, and that the other person was just taking advantage of your sweetness, so the next time, be very selective about being sweet to every one.

One thing that I have learned in all these years of having fake friends is- That it is never your won fault and that- In life- in your own life- you will definitely find such people who will live, respect and cherish you for what and who you are. Those are the people who will not mind if you don't talk to them for weeks and with whom you can just pick up where you had left off, anytime.

And, darling I know that you are blessed.

Just always be happy.. coz, there is no one in the world who can be you.

I love you-

Me.

**************************************

Moo knows, why this has come.

I just hope she doesn't mind me.

When is Sakshi getting married?

This seems to be one question that is in air now days.

From the comments on my previous post to the comments on my facebook status, everybody is really eagerly awaiting my marriage.

And now, as confirmed from my source- My mother has already put the news in the market that I want to get my daughter married, and start looking for a match for her.

This is a conversation that my source had with me-

if there is even 1 percent of truth in the following conversation, then...

Source- Your mom, was asking me to find a match for you..

Me- WHAT!!!! Stop pulling my leg...

Source-Yeah, that is what your mom was talking to me about.

Me- Ohkay, and??

Source- Well, I told her, ' Ki aap, Sakshi toh pooch lo, aajkal ke bachche toh bahut smart hote hain'

Me- Ohkay and??

Source- So your mom is like- ' Haan maine usse pooch liya hai, aisi koi baat nahin hai. Agar aisi koi baat hoti toh humein pata hota, aur waise bhi iss umar mein aakar woh thodi na koi dhoondhegi'

Ofcourse there was more to the conversation which is not relevant here. But, I have a few doubts and here they are-

a) My parents and I have never had a 'guy' conversation EVER in my life. The only conversation that remotely is a 'guy' conversation about my life was with Arushi. And, I am sorry I do not consider that conversation between me and my parents.

b) Even though I am in love, WHO the hell says that you have to fall in love at a particular age... Some one help my mom.

Its not that I don't want to get married. I do. But, now. No ways. Kashvi and Moo have both asked me to take a chill pill. Because, 'Ladka koi, aise toh nahin mil jaata' I agree.

AND yes, I am going to tell about Shayon to my parents. With the kind of super speeded developments around me, it may just be soon.

But- after this comes my real question-

Why the hell, don't people mind their own business? That goes for my parents too... I mean- It is a fashion sorts, the day a girl enrolls herself in college, the so called society starts sending in the 'suitable marriage proposals' and then, there are the friends and the relatives, who constantly at any given occasion would ask- 'Aur Ji aapki beti ki shaadi ka kya hai? Kab socha hai... ' etc etc.

WHY?

Hello??

What happens to the other plans?

This is generalizing it-

What happens to MY Plans... the plan that I have set out for my life...

YES,

they are my parents. But, now, I am an adult. I am 23 years old, and I have a plan set out for my life. And, I really wish that my parents support that instead of hampering that by doing a nation wide search for a suitable match for me, MINUS my permission do so.

I have a career to think about, before even thing about marriage... This is so irksome.. I hate this.

And Oh yeah- I am NOT getting married to anyone but Shayon. Everyone in my family got to choose their life partners and I am going to choose mine.

(Yeah this is a sort of retaliation... )

This is not fair. And, I know life is NOT fair. But this like taking me totally unawares.

God help me.

******************************************************

On the other hand- My sister's upcoming birthday is making me tear my hair out.

And thanks for reading the rant post...

The Festivity, the Book and a stupid College project...

The festival season is back...!!! YIPEEEE...!!!

Its that time of the year which makes me so proud that I stay in India and that we get so many holidays on the account of soo many festivals that come one after the other...!!!

The most recent of the festivals that has just gone by is Karwachauth.

For the uninitiated its a festival in which the wife fasts for her husband's long and healthy life. The fast is without any food and water. The fast is opened by seeing the moon through a sieve and having the first sip of water from your husband's hand.

The way I have described it, it sounds like really whatever, but well, it is actually a very romantic festival. From the time that I have memories stuck into my mind, I have not missed a single Karwachauth pooja in my life. I love the Katha i.e the story associated with it. Though the story is same every year, I love to hear it over an over again. I love to see the women sitting around in the circle and making the rounds of their pooja wares and singing along with it. It has a certain charm to it, and like I said an old world romanticism in the way the women pray for their husbands.

Ofcourse, there all that Jazz also associated with it; what with the henna clad hands and the new clothes and getting ready and looking like a bride on this day.

I swear people- even though my mother fasts for the whole day minus even a sip of water, there is a certain glow on her face.

And here is a confession- I am dying to keep my first fast as well... * blush *

Even though a lot of unmarried girls also fast but then in our house that has never been the norm, and I personally believe that the bestest way to enjoy a festival is, when it is celebrated in the right way.

And now that it is over, its time to look forward to Diwali and the various weddings that are happening. I think by now you all must have guessed that I am a wedding freak... actually my entire family is. And we feel really bad if we have no wedding to attend in the wedding season.

I have finally managed to lay my hands on The Lost Symbol by Dan Brown. HARD COPY.

And, for all those who were not really happy with the book, I am just wondering why? I think it is a very well written book. And, unlike any of his previous books, this one has a really strong message. And that is what stuck to me.

Not the conspiracy theories, not anything but that one message about The Apocalypse which is going to happen in the near future and how it is time to really look back to all the ancient writings and scriptures that have lost their true meaning to mankind in his quest to finding and proving whose God is greater.

Even though, it is a bad rule to suggest books- I am suggest you all to read it.

There is a college Moot Court happening in the coming week, and I have not started working on it AT all. It is just a mere formality, and that is why no one is really interested. But, then, being me, I have no choice but to do it. So, am doing it.

I'll leave you with a few pictures-

Here are pictures of Shayon and me at Qutab Minar, where on Moo's request we posed for her dear camera in a total filmy way. (PDA taken to a new level... )

Below is the Qutab Minar standing tall....

And then here is the 'Real Delhi' for you- Delhi-6, Chandni Chowk...and its sheer Madness...

The Shish Ganj Gurdwara at Chandni Chowk.

And finally- the Bangla Sahib Gurdwara in its peace and tranquility...

********************************************************

Hey, Delhi has been named amongst the top 50 cities for a 'Must Visit', I am sure Moo is glad that she has covered it...!!:)

Awesomeness....

After a hiatus of a little over two days I am back.

And I really hope that I was missed terribly, because if I was not, then, well, I will be sad...

Ohkay, that was really cheesy.

The weekend that I had been waiting came and went. And, I have a HUGE complaint- Time flies way toooo fast when you are having fun. This is unfair.

Moo is like THE perfect guest... it was so much of fun having her around. Especially because I was showing off my city. Delhi- Meri Jaan.

The holiday started on friday when she landed at the Delhi Airport. I had gone to pick her up and boy, it felt like I am meeting my lost friend after ages. There was absolutely no awkwardness and absolutely no formalities. My parents took a liking to her. (Thank God for that)

We saw the malls, the roads (which were a surprise to her), we saw a few historical sights... and lots and lots of maddening crowds.

The metro ride and Qutab minar were the main highlights of the trip. But most of all, it was the weather that made the entire weekend so worthwhile.

Oh- and it was like totally girly talking till wee hours of the night...!!! :)

We were out most of the day. Starting at 9 am in the morning till 7 pm. Almost all the day.

I drove around the city like never before.

It was just a crazy time that we had.

It culminated at my father's birthday yesterday.

I wish to write more. There were so many things that were awesome, actually the whole weekend was such an awesomeness that words can't seem to describe it.

So, I will leave that for Moo to do.

Describe her experiences to you, and also hopefully show you a few picture...!!! If you all be really nice and request it, she might just publish a few pictures. :P

Thank you Moo for making this weekend so special.

****************************************************

The only thing that really spoiled my mood was the dance class. I officially hate Rajiv. And, I do not care if he reads this or my FB status.

****************************************************

And, last but not the least- Happy Birthday to my dear Gaurav. Here is wishing you a great day and a great year ahead. Love you...

The weekend...

Another long weekend kick starts tomorrow. And this festive season has the maximum long weekends to offer.

Offs on Fridays and Mondays. It totally feels like Holiday Season.

I am always a holiday lover, given a chance, and unlimited money, I would love to holiday. But, like they say, most good things in life go wasted if we do not if we do not appreciate them, And appreciation for the finer things in life comes only when you have had an experience with the non-finer things in life.

Anyways- My dear Moo is coming over tomorrow. (Yeah I know that I have already announced it.. and so has she, but what the hell...). I am so looking forward to meet her and spend time with her. The time I had met Ki, I had told her, that the reason I think that I never really had girlfriends was because maybe, God wanted me to have the bestest girlfriends ever. Love you girls.

So, my long weekend is pretty planned up and yeah, I am going to goof around.

Ofcourse- There is already a spoiler- Shayon is not going to be here.. :( well, he planned out a weekend with his friends. And, I really don't know if I should be calling it a spoiler or what. But, yeah, I will definitely miss him.

ALOT.

Ok, this is become a rambler.

latersz...

************************************

I think I should blog more often. But, I should not really be thinking that hard. Hurt me in my knees... :P

Lost without a Phone..

Shayon's phone was not working almost the entire weekend. And trust me, it is not a great idea to be around him when his favourite thing is not working.

It is almost like- an addict being denied his drug.

(Ofcourse that means, I was also in minimal touch with him.)

Just like withdrawal symptoms for a drug addict, Shayon was also behaving in a grumpy and in an extremely agitated manner.

So, it was obvious that I was going to be at the receiving end of his anger, (I am also hell bent most of the time making his life hell..)

On Sunday evening, I pinged and pinged him so that we could chat and I could tell him about my program the next day... but an angry tiger is an angry tiger-

The conversation that followed was-

Me- ... after pinginging... sooo many times- 'Ok, last time, I am going..!!!'

Him- 'Good Night' (The abruptness was soo much that it felt more like good riddance)

Me- 'Can we please talk for 5 min'

......

.....

Me-'Please"

Him- ' You wanted to know if I am alive or not, here I am alive and fine. Will you quit stalking me now'

Me- * Hurt* * taken aback* ' Ohkay- Good night'

I was hurt that day.

And really angry.

But then, the loss was his.

Sister had a three hour dance class the next day, and all I wanted to tell him was that if he wants to meet me, we can meet for a nice long time. But, because of his anger and his irritation, he did not even listen to me.

Though we did get to meet, it was for like hardly an hour when I went to pick up sister from her dance class. And that, too we made a program online. I e-mailed him when I left my house and thank God for the sense of timing I was able to pick him up minus any confusion.

And Shayon's first dialog when he sat in the car was 'How the hell did people manage to meet and not miss each other when there was no phone or internet?'

Funny, how life is. We are such slaves to technology.

************************************************

Oh,btw- I was caught with my lappy in the loo at 2 am. Thus I am on curfew. No computer after 10.30pm.

yeah, laugh at me all you can...

I am humbled...

One of Shayon's school friend's marriage got fixed.

And, I got to talk to her today. Online.

While I was generally pulling her leg and asking about her beau the conversation steered towards Shayon and how he freaked at the news. Amongst all this she asked me where he was at that moment and I told her that he was making aaloo chat for me.

This, took her by surprise and she said- 'I always told Shayon that he is a great friend and that he would make a wonderful husband'

Not expecting this response- I simple said 'I think, I got really lucky to have got him'

And trust me, I cannot thank God enough for beautiful coincidences that change peoples' lives- That is the reason they are called beautiful.

Today of all the days, I say so, because-

I have not slept in days now. Yeah a few hours here and there, but proper sleep has eluded me. (I don't know why... maybe its a lot of unwarranted stress or maybe its the fasts... but no I don't know.)

I was planning to and eventually did bunk office today, when I asked him if we could meet, he said no and that he had already left home for office and that he has already taken the requisite leaves this month. I told him to carry on and decided to go for work.

In the continuous exchange of messages, I told him that I had not slept the previous night- and that I have no idea, why sleep is not coming.

The sweetheart that he is- He immediately asked me to come to his place.

And, when, I did go to his place and asked him why this sudden change of plans-he said-

'Sweetie, I have called you here, so that you can catch up on your sleep'

Yes, he actually put me to sleep, singing lullabies and slowly sehraaoing my hair and my head. I did manage to sleep for 15 mins.

But, its not how much did I manage to sleep, it was the whole exercise, I was actually behaving like a 2 year old, telling him that sleep is NOT coming. But, his patience amazed me. And his love never fails to make sure that I thank God at the end of every day for giving me someone who loves me so much.

I truly am humbled.

Thank you, God. And thank you my dear Devil.

*******************************************************

On the other side of the day, I finally met Ki. OMG- she is such an amazing person. It felt like we were two friends meeting after a long time and not like blogfriends meeting for the first time.

It was just so easy... can't thank enough...

The best feature about her was her eyes. So pretty and beautiful.

Love you girl...

BINGING...

I don't even know whether the title is a word or not.. its a derivative from the the word BINGE, and what I really wanted to write was- Craving.

YES, I am craving for stuff, and NO I am not pregnant.

I have this urge and craving of updating my tweets all the time, and blogging about all the little things in life. But that goes off as soon as I turn to my computer. But- I am totally in love the tweetdeck

I am fasting for the Navratris- and I am not craving the food that the family is having. I am feeling nice about the fasts.

The most I crave is cheese... and milk- That is my weakness.

I have been dying to go out and have some girl fun. Now, that is going to be satiated because my dear MOO is coming to Delhi and guess what? She is staying with ME, at my house... I am jumping with joy.

More because- this is the first time that my parents are going to meet a real friend of mine, apart from Priyam. And, I feel that it is a start- for my parents and me to start crossing the bridge one step at a time.

And- finally I am craving to read Mr. Shayon Pal. I mean, it was after all his sarcasm, and his sheer magic with words (apart from his weird name) that made me completely loose my heart to him. I am waiting for him to write... not techie stuff, but more of personal stuff.

I have no idea what and why am I blabbering this- God help me.

****************************************

What do you think that the parents feel, when someone tells them- 'That, you have lovely children, bought up so well'! Do you think that they feel proud of their children....??

Update...

Hello my lovely readers...

Me is in a very happy mood.

No, well, I had a shouting match in the morning with Mom.

I have not slept in the last two days... (Don't ask me why) because- I have been tossing and turning all round the bed and no sleep comes.

And, the exhaution levels are not yet up. I am hoping to catch up on the sleep tonight.

About moi list,

Well- I have stared with the regular walks and regular reading. I have become less of a net junkie I guess.

And guess what- Shayon's started this new routine of early to be early to rise. Isn't it awesome, now only if I get the sleep back.

Oh- Mr. N.K. finally confessed his feeling for me. And, I also told him about Shayon. So its back to being friends. Thank God for that.

And- Well, Mr. R, my dance instructor, told me that I have made a real good progress and that I might just get a promotion. Please pray..!!!

Ok, now I gtg. This is a dumb post- but so what- I am just a human...!!!

Shubh Swagatam...

I love this time of the year.

There is something in the air. Something that makes me happy and sad at the same time, and makes me wish that this should just stay.

The festive season is here!!! YIPEEEE!!!

The Navratras that start tomorrow. The Festivities of the Durga Puja have already started with the 'Handicrafts Mela' and the Puja started today. Ramzaan was already on, and Id is on Monday!!!

The moment these festivals start, whole of Delhi changes. In midst of the traffic jams that have become the trend of the season; you see people all happy and joyous, ready to welcome the New Year in style.

I am going to be a little prejudiced to Delhi, because, I have just seen this city in this season.

Delhi- has all the three festivals being celebrated in style. The hub being Puraani Delhi, where Ram Lila commences tomorrow, along side the celebrations of Ramzaan which are already on. And come towards Kali Baari, and you have the Pujo pandal all for the devotees.

The entire city is lighted and looks like a bride, all the way till New Year.

Oh My GOd-

I am geeting goosebumps as I am typing this.

And to top it all- There is the wedding season...

How can one expect to loose weight with so much of food and such awesome goodies around.

Please- I know I can very well become all choosy etc, but, Thanks no Thanks- I love this season. I love the weather- I just love the weddings in this BEAUtiful season... and above all I love visiting soooo many friends and relatives.

Its the general reason and season of being Happy..!!! And whenever, there are terrorists strike or natural disasters- I know, how it feels for the families who have lost their near dear ones.

There was a time, that for 5 years in a row, we did not celebrate the festivals coz of deaths in my family.

Therefore- every year we get to celebrate the festivals- come what may- we are very happy..!!!

So here is Welcoming the festivals with all the vigour and valour.. may it bring lots of Joy and Happiness... to all!!!

***********************************************************

Whats up with the stupid show ' Perfect Bride'!! As if the girls don't have to go through enough when getting married, that now, they have a show that is setting standards for who and what a perfect bride should be like??

This is RIDICULOUS!! And, surprisingly none of the women organizations have taken offence to it...!!! What do you guys have to say to it??

Tangled in a BIG mess...

Which I have created myself.

And thus take the full responsibility of it.

Today, Shayon and I almost got caught in my bhanaas, that I give at home when I am out with him.

It so happened that that I had to go to college today, last date for filling the examination forms etc. And, well, Shayon got stuck in traffic, got late for work, thus, chucked office for the day.

Yeah, that meant we could meet. So, I made the usual excuse back at home, that I am going to office from college (I have used this excuse before as well, and it works just fine); but I had forgotten a HUGE thing, that today my sister had her dance practise and her dance class is like 5 minutes from my office, so it was decided, that I would go pick her up from her class and come back home. (Simple straight plan, Shayon and I had decided, that we would go and pick her up)

Both Sis and Me forgot, that the timings of her class 7-8pm, will not be comfortable with my dad. And this is exactly what happened... Shayon and I are lounging around, not bothered about anything, when, my sis messages me- Dad is dropping me to class and coming to pick you up from office- RUSH.

And, after that- Shayon and I, actually mostly me freaked out.

We ran to catch an auto (bless the auto stand near his house) and just hoped and prayed that we don't get caught in the bluff. All the while I was urging under my breath that the auto go a little more faster, we were hitting traffic... and on top of that sis decided to message every two minutes giving moi a panic attack, Shayon was the calm one, trying to find humour in my face expression (which was very stricken, my face) Oh, and did I tell you, that he hardly freaks? I just adore his calm when I am freaked.

And, we made it in the nick of the time, thanks to the Delhi Traffic.

Dad got caught in traffic while coming towards my office...

Phew- It was close.

In retrospect, it seems like a scene from a movie- but, Thank you God, for saving my ass. It would have been a very difficult to make Dad understand, in this situation.

Oh, and in the other situation- one Mr. N.K. an associate at FML, is just getting on my nerves. He has asked me to meet him four times, I have turned him down on all the counts. I have no idea what to do with him??

Oh, I know, I can tell him about Shayon, but the conversation never goes in that direction. I can't mess this up, because he and I are in the same profession, any wrong move- I'll be ruined(big words... ), before even enrolling in the Bar.

Uffo- Yeh kya ho raha hai??

***************************************

Tripping on the mess that you created? Serves you right- Mom always says- clean up the mess after playing.

Time to put my life in order...!!!

*Questioning to myself*-Is too late in the year to make new year resolutions...?

*Answering back to myself*- Sakshi, I guess, its tooo early to make new year resolutions for next year...

*Rethinking... and contemplating *... what the heck, which rule book says that I can't put my life in order whenever I want.

Yeah, so, I want to make sure that I put my life back in order.

Not that it is not in order.

But, for some reason, this year, there has been a whirlwind around me, and no concrete decisions have been taken at all.

I need to make certain decisions.

I can't think straight about these things. How can I make a decision on them?

So Iam bulleting the confusions and resolutions of my life right here so that I can hopefully think straight and make up my mind...

• There is a family vacation that is coming up in December, and I have to loose weight come what may. The vacation is in Goa, and that is killing me even more- I have to have to look good and not like a fat ass.
• I have decided to run in the 'Great Delhi Run' as a part of the Delhi Half Marathon, so, I have to, no, I need to start training for it.
• I need to start waking up early in the morning.
• I need to need to start studying. I know for sure that, it is the only thing that can keep me sane.
• I have like 5-7 books that I need to read. No, not because its a compulsion but because, I love to read, its something that can keep me away from the distractions that I want to be kept away from.
• I need to stop watching T.V., especially the stupid daily soaps, that irritate the hell out of me, but I still watch them.
• I need to start sleeping on time. I mean i love the late nights, and especially those coy calls and whispered chats with Shayon, but, that just leaves me so much more cranky and lazy and sleepy the next day.
• I need to have more productive days. Even, if they mean just reading. It is much more better than lounging around and doing nothing. I have been lazing around way too much for my own good.
• I need to figure out, what and where I want to be next year at this time. Where, is like decided- I know I want to be in Mumbai next year, after my grads... but then, how am I going to land up there? Where should I apply for a job, so that I can actually get it...
• I need to be more brave about talking about myself, and about my dreams to my parents. They may be the only people in the world who can be the most judgemental towards me, and still have no choice but to accept me. So, might as well start working on the equation..

I still have dreams, which I have to fulfill... I want to go backpacking to Europe, fuck Europe, I know, I have not really seen my own city, I need to get out, and start exploring the city on my own. But I have no idea, if at all it will happen.

But- I do know, that I have backup dreams. Yeah back up dreams... have you ever felt in your life that- 'This is what I want, and if I get just this thing, my life is set' and when you do get that thing, you feel that you are not meant for that thing.. and you see your dreams falling apart? You feel all that you have worked for all your life- the goal that you had set out was not a goal meant for you at all... then what?

I know, then what- Then you have to simply treat that goal as a milestone in the long road ahead, to truly find your goal.

I know this, because- I have been through this. And, its always good to move on.

I just hope that- I am able to follow what I have written.

PS: Oh, yeah- I am a total Dan Brown fan. And his new book- The Lost Symbol is getting released on 15th September. Please- all those who wished that that they wanted to give me a birthday gift and couldn't do so, should try and find me a soft copy of the book. (I could have asked for the hard copy also, but its way to expensive... if anyone is buying it for themselves and then let me borrow that to read- You are more than welcome to that)

***************************************************

Perfection is never the goal of life, and no, I do not want a perfect life. Perfect life is BORING. No, I do not aim for perfection either, I am just aiming for a life that- I can call mine, and when I look back to it, I can smile and sigh in satisfaction....

I am officially 23...!!! OMG!!!

I know this post has become long overdue, but well, I was sort of having an extended birthday..!!

23 years is a long time to me. Well, but I do know that there is lots more to life that is yet to come. But reminiscing the the 23rd birthday, all I can say is that- Life is a mixed bag full of chocolates- which one you get is on your own luck- and if its bitter- The sweet will be sweeter.


My birthday started with a bang- Not literally- but yeah- the very person who called me was Kashvi, and boy wasn't she pleasantly surprised that I received her call... and hers was the first gift that I opened, while talking to her on the phone. It is a pretty scarf, a BEAUTIFUL card and a lovely letter (I am a sucker for letters). As if that was not enough- The girl she is, she also dedicated an entire post to me... Thank you darling- You are one of the most wonderful friend that I have found ever and I intend to keep you with me.

The Veil that Kashvi gifted

Then there were my parents- who in anticipation of god knows what got me a tiara..!!! Yeah, you can see the picture and very well make out that my parents really think that I am not the kinds to grow up.

look at the Tiara...

The best surprise though was by Shayon. Yeah, by now you all must know him. No, not because I talk about him, but because of the post that he dedicated to me. It was awesome to see the post and to get my gift. (The reader comment say it all :))

The lovely couple...

But then the fun did not stop there- The birthday had just begun.
The calls were never ending. It was great to receive soooo many phone calls and so many messages from all the loved ones. Shayon's ex-boss and now a friend Rajiv Dhingra also called me to wish me. Now that was a shocker, but a pleasant one.
I somehow managed to get ready and found an auto that would take me to Shayon's place. (Now what was I expecting??? knowing him- nothing really... especially after the blog surprise)
(Oh- and Shayon's mum & cousins also called me to wish me... I know- it was hear warming) So, this dear boy opens the door for me- with a Bouquet of roses- and he is clean shave... (His shaving routine- I don't like it much...) and then there more phone calls, and while I was attending those, Shayon was making his own arrangements-
In the big plan- was a Cake, my favourite flavour... and something that I can still not really believe (No, not a ring)

The Cake

Me, cutting the cake.

He, booked a cab... and then took me to ITC MAURYA SHERATON for Lunch at BUKHARA. (Yeah- read that- again- and again... ) I was shaking when I got know where we were going.
And, the lunch was not just lunch it was with My favourite red wine.
To sit in between the elite- a restaurant- I know, not ANYONE in my family or relatives has ever gone to, it felt wonderful.
I was very very uptight till the first few sips of wine... but then finally loosened up a little. It was the best meal that I have ever had with him. (And, he is very picky and finicky when it comes to his food, can you believe, he even found a tiny little flaw in the roomali roti that we were having...!! and then the waiter, actually served us tandoori roti which was yum, and when we told him so, he packed the leftover of the rest of the food with another complimentary tandoori roti... wow..!! )
And ofcourse, there was romance. Lots of it.
Oh here is another really embarrassing thing that happened with me- Shayon doesn't have a fridge, so ofcourse, the cake had to be kept at the neighbours fridge. So, Shayon cut a piece of cake for them, gave them that to eat while asking them to put the rest of it for later. Now, those neighbours but ofcourse wanted to know, whose birthday it was... and thus me the great got a gift from his neighbours also...!!!


And this is where the good part of my birthday ended. Thus, began a series of disaster, that made me cry myself to sleep, and trust me- on your birthday- you don't want this to happen.
I came home by 5. And then started to make a few phone calls so that all the arrangements to the so called house party could be taken care off.
(I was even after a lot of Negatives- was expecting a few of my friends making the count to 15 including me)
We went to pick up the food that I had ordered, and also the cake that my Mum had ordered.
As soon as mom got into the car after picking up the cake, she started ranting, that they had changed the colour of the icing. But, then she showed me the cake, and it was beautiful. I just glanced at it thinking that, I would want to see it in its full glory on the table while I'll cut it.
But as soon as we got back home- in all the confusion of getting inside, Mom ke haathon se cake dabba gir gaya. Yeah- it is a pity that no one got to see what the cake really looked like. And then, all the things just fell apart.
None of my friends showed up for my party. Yeah, on a Saturday night... not one, but all of my friends got stuck at work... (Yeah you can make that sound of pitying me) the only ones who showed up was Shayon, Priyam, Aman, Anku, Kriti, Arushi, Priyam's Brother... and me. Not that I don't enjoy them, it is the best group to be with( they all tried really hard to keep me in my birthday spirits)- But my parents- I know were feeling sorry and angry at me at the same time. Not only them- I am sure my cousins were also feeling what a loser friend I am... and above all- I felt like a total loser. And its not a good feeling, trust me.
And, my mother is not very kind to me, when I have just had a total disaster of a party. I got scolded like I am a 10 year old... and, now, she is completely sure that I have weird friends...
Whats done and gone is gone.
But- if I remember this birthday for all the great reasons that Shayon gave me, I am also going to remember it for the fact that I cried myself to sleep that night.


Happy Birthday to me..!!!
oh and Jaanu- Thank you so much- I really love you... You made my day special..
And- D.O and Uncle J- Lovely e-cards- Thank you sooo very much.
Also special thanks to Gaurav- who called me all the way from Australia. Love you dude. I was smiling and jumping after your call in Bukhara.
And My MOO called up- and like a sweeheart calls me her baby girl...!! And I love it. Love you girl..
****************************************************
Happiness like the sand on the beach is made up of all tiny things... and if held too tightly in your palms- it slips out...

A Very Happy Birthday, Jaan!

I know, you must be wondering who this weird guy might be, writing on Saxi's (that's how I spell her name) blog. Well, I guess Saxi has gotten you a bit acquainted with Shayon, and yes, that's moi.

It's been long long ago that I had been given the privilege of writing on this blog. However, thanks to my uber "busy" schedules, I could never manage to.

Anyway, I have no clue what should I write about, kinda feeling a bit out of place. Just wanted to announce that your beloved Sakshi's blog, Timeless Imagination, has now moved to www.imaginationistimeless.com. And I'd request you all to kindly update your bookmarks.

Yes Jaan, this is my birthday present for you. I know you had been wanting a domain name of your own, for some time, and now this one is yours to keep, for ever and ever. It might not be much...but then, I am hoping I shall be a part of your life long enough to make a difference.

Wish you a very happy birthday! Love you loads, baby!! Muah!!!

Whats that peeking out from behind the curtain??

It is exactly a week from my birthday.

I finished my internship at FML yesterday. Finally.

The only good thing that I got out of the internship was maybe a sense of the world that- You can not always get everything. And you may have to compromise on somethings. You cannot have a great a job... great salary and great people. Something is normally amiss. But- who says that you cannot strive for perfection... being the human specie that we are- We are always striving for perfection.

The other good thing that happened is that I finally met Shayon. Even though the time we were alone was limited to the auto ride back home. Shayon was with a friend... our friend... and I had been wanting to meet him as well... so, the coffee was with our friend with us and the auto ride back was great fun... and daring... coz- Shayon like dropped me off all the way home. Not on the main road or anything... but right in front of my house.

And I have realised- that I am totally head over heals in love with my boyfriend. PERIOD.

The only thing that I have not been able to figure out is- that I why and how do I get all cold whenever anyone including Shayon and me talk about talking about 'us' to my parents. I am so scared that I won't be able to take that no.

I am so scared.

I know I have to face them- One day. But- I just don't know how to cushion the punch... (PUN totally intended...)

But, then there is a little hope... a tiny little voice in my head/heart... that tells me that it will work out...

And today, after I have finished one more internship and am just a week away from another birthday... I can see something peeking out from behind the curtains of life... I may be looking at the future that is waiting to be unveiled- good or bad- That time will tell.

But right now- at this instant- I am asking life... Whats next??

************************************************

randomly speaking.....

To know or not to know... to go with the flow... plan out... or wait for the next ball that life throws at you...?? Do you know what is it that you want from life... No, I don't.

To my darling soul sisters...

I could never think, that I would meet my soul sisters in this blog world... and that too not one... it is so wonderful to know that there is someone out there who thinks like you.. if not think like you, doesn't judge you because you smoke, you drink.. and because you are you.

The only thing that makes me sad, is when someone hurts them.. (its mostly guys, who we happen to fall in love with... )

Today, I came across this quote.. and realised that I have to post it here... so that whenever our heart aches.. we read this and re instill our faith in the four letter word called- Love-

Watching you walk out of my life hasn't made me bitter or cynical about love, but rather, it has shown me that if I wanted so badly to be with the wrong person, how beautiful it will be when the right one comes along..!!

Once they were called God...

Swine flu is gripping the world.

What started in Mexico, has reached the epidemic pro potions in a matter of months. WHO and all the governments world over are trying their best to curb this epidemic.

The flu has come to India. So much so- Mumbai was actually shut down for a week so that- the spread of the deadly virus could be curbed. Everyday without fail, there is news of more and more deaths, both at home and abroad grips you with fear whenever you step out of the house. And as the toll reached 64 today with 5 more people succumbing to the deadly virus- I came across this news article... which talks about how Maharashtra Doctors are threatening to go on a strike yet again if their demands of pay rise are not met.

There was a time- when doctors were regarded next to GOD.. because they had the capability of saving a person's life.

It was their moral duty.

But, today after reading that article- I am sitting and wondering, that what happened to the moral and the social responsibility that the doctors have? Where has the nobility of this humble profession gone?

In a time like this- when, every day, throngs of people are coming to the government hospitals fearing their life from common cold and flu like symptoms... the Resident doctors are more worried about their pay...??

How can their conscience allow of such selfish nature... they are supposed to be doctors...

But- I guess.. when the medical seats are sold off to the highest bidders in our country... what more can be expected.

I feel sorry for myself when I think about the medical conditions in our country. After all, I the part of the Mango people... who are always at the receiving end...when will we really stand up and fight...??

What does me do??

Its a little less than 2 weeks for my birthday.

And my parents have started bugging me.

And can you believe, the best that they came up with is sending me (OPERATIVE WORD) to a movie with my best friend on my younger sister and then join us for dinner. HOW IMAGINATIVE...!!!!

And well sending me is just adding fuel to the fire, because, hello- I am going to turn 23. Their attitude is not helping me.

And, whenever I talk about- Guys, my birthday is on a saturday night- I should be doing something which marks it as a saturday night- I get that look from them... which cruelly reminds me that I am a girl... so, here I am, feeling cranky and getting the stress related headaches again... coz- I truly was excited about my birthday... but I guess, that is not to happen.

This is so stupid. And, I am feeling sad again.

Therefore- I do not want ANYONE to wish me on my birthday.

I want it to just go by, like any other day.

***********************************************

Random thought... if happiness were a fruit.. what would you want it to be??

ABC of the Tag...oops- The ABC tag..!!!

I picked up this tag from MISS M's blog. Basically this is called the ABC tag, and it would be lovely if... all of you pick it up. I don't want to specifically name anyone because, it would really hurt me if the tagged person does not do the tag.

A – Available/Single?

Neither, for the past 4.5 years.

B – Best friend?

My best friend forever is Priyam, we have been friends for like forever. And recently I have made lots of new friends which include Moo, Kashvi, D.O., Ki... who have been absolute sweethearts and their presence re assures me that I will have some girlfriends to give me a bachelorette party.. ;)

C – Cake or Pie?

I love the Apple Crumble Pie and Chocolate Cake... so I guess that it would be both.

D – Drink of choice?

On a normal day cold coffee, on a drinking partying day/night- Vodka.. with or without anything. And yeah- My latest fetish- Diet Coke.

E – Essential item you use every day?

I guess that would be a toilet paper.. ahem for the obvious reasons. Even though I agree with Miss M, that a bra fits the bill too.

F – Favorite colour?

Hmmmm, lots actually, but my wardrobe is very green and yellow. And lots of black and white (Demands of the profession... but I love em nonetheless... )

G – Gummy Bears Or Worms?

None...!!!

H – Hometown?

Dil waalon ki Delhi...!!!

I – Indulgence?

Chocolates. And more of them. I have chocolates all over my house. Apart from the usual places like kitchen cupboards and fridge.. you can fined a chocolate in my wardrobe too and in my book almirah too...!!!

J – January or February?

Feburary- I totally love this month, coz, the weather is great. The month is small- therefore you et paid for working the whole month when your actually working 2-3 days less and it is the month of love.. I got hooked in this month... so yeah Feburary it is.

K – Kids & their names?

Two for sure- names- ahem, aint that a weeeee bit tooooo early to disclose that of all the things..

L – Life is incomplete without?

Great food.. great people and above being happy.

M – Marriage date?

DUNNO!!! How about- I answer this question when I get the cards printed, if at all I do get married that is.

N – Name? Your real name!!

DUHU!! If you don't my name after visiting my blog.. then you should not it probably.

O – Oranges or Apples?

I hate being choosy. BOTH.

Here is something really quirky- An apple a day keeps the doctor away, but if the doctor is good looking, then keep the apple away..!!! :P

P – Phobias/Fears?

Insects. Anything that comes under that specie. I ABHOR THEM.

Q – Quote for today?

Hardwork doesn't kill... but why take a chance...

R – Reason to smile?

Getting up in the morning in a cottage at the beach in the arms of the one I love.(I am way too cheesy...)

S – Season?

Spring in Delhi- Feburary to March and October- November... The best time to be in Delhi.

T – Tag 3 People?

I am not naming any one at all. Like I said- it hurts me when they don't pick it up.

U – Unknown fact about me?

Whenever I get really angry- I loose control and I start crying. (WHY??)

V – Vegetable you don’t like?

Anything that is green and that is healthy. (Yeah- I am yet to grow up)

W – Worst habit?

Getting really irritated when I should be patient.. and spaeking without thinking.

X – X-rays?

Twice- Once of my jaw when I fell and broke my teeth and second time when I was hit by a bike 3 years back, that was the X ray of my right leg.

Y – Your favorite food?

Arhar dal and rice.

Z – Zodiac sign?

Virgo (My birthday is coming up sooon)

***********************************************

Random thought- why is it that even in a room full of crowded people we often end up feeling lonely??